JNW he came to me. He has never drunk at home apart from the odd glass of beer, but on a rare 'do' that meant Ma was involved, I saw him turn from the big lovely cuddly bear of a man he has become, into a complete out of control drunk. I was so upset, not because he was drunk, but the feelings of guilt and shame washed over me, what the hell had I done to this child??
The next morning he just looked at me with the baby blues and said, 'Mum what do I do?' He has known for a while he has a potential problem, gets wasted on the few times he drinks when he is away from home. He hates it, he hates the lack of control. So I did little, just told him that if he was going to drink, stay with his friends and never be alone, actually never to start drinking alone. He hasn't had a drink since though, he knows that the on/off button is faulty.
The best of what we did to ourselves is to know that we can at least be honest, and compassionate. You and I both know, at any age, telling us what is right or wrong about actively drinking is a red flag. Your DD must see how wonderful her Mum is now, full of boing and strength. I am quite sure that if she is worried, she will come to you.
Chasing, I can still taste and smell a crisp white wine on a Summer's day in the garden, and maybe a Cognac after a lovely meal, but it's a dream now, I loved it, but it never loved me back!! But I don't crave it any more, just become wistful from time to time.