The Brave Babes Battle Bus - BOINGing Into Spring, The Jesus(WhatNext) Way!

[Mouseface]

Hello, tis me, Mouse

I'm one of the Brave Babes aboard the Battle Bus, on the journey to sobriety.

We have drinkers, non-drinkers, inbetweeners, notquitesurers...... which is all fantastic.

No matter who you are or where you're at in your personal quest to get where you want to be, come grab a seat and join in the natter, just jump right in.

And, if you'd like to see where we've been up until now, HERE is a link to the last thread and the ones before it

See you soon.

SAF- it's giving me the chance to experience the difference without any major commitments.

No-ones's suggesting you sign a pledge, but I think you can commit to not drinking a day at a time.

How was the walk? Would going to London have involved driving? And can you honestly say you didn't choose the walk/ pub option because of the pub bit?

Feel free to tell me to butt out and I'll huff off over to the non-smoking thread, but I have an uneasy feeling that the line between supportive and enabling has been crossed if the consensus on this thread is that a pub walk was the best option for you today.

Hello .. can I join you ladies?

I would like to stop drinking while sitting in the house on my own .. and be able to go on a night out and have a couple of drinks without getting completely rat-arsed!!

I was planning on starting yesterday but then a friend called and asked if I wanted to go for a pint with him .. had two and he declined a third (I was a bit shocked as I'm not used to hanging out with moderate drinkers) I then went home and opened a bottle of beer (which I don't normally have - normally red wine for me but didn't want to open the bottle)and went to bed after that

I'm going out tomorrow night too for dinner and to see Titanic 3D - already organised a lift so I can have a couple of drinks (2 glasses of wine tops)

Tonight though I am going to the gym (DD at her dad's since last night) and will probably be in bed for 8:30 to help avoid the wine rack!

The common themes on here - can't wait til the DC in bed so you can open the wine and thinking up ways to avoid driving so I can drink resonate with me ..

The Relationships board has been a great help to me since I discovered STBXHs affair at New Year so I'm hoping this thread and all the bus babes can help me stop using wine as a crutch that blocks out my emotions

help I have an uneasy feeling that the line between supportive and enabling has been crossed if the consensus on this thread is that a pub walk was the best option for you today

I can see what you're getting at here, although I think t'was only Mouse and myself who responded to Saf, so not exactly a consensus? Also, no-one has suggested it as the best option today.

But not all of us are trying to give up entirely (even if that would be the best option). Not all of us are ready to take that decision yet, we all need to get there in our own way. And for some of us, just getting out of the house, going to a new environment, engaging with other people in rl, is a massive step and takes courage and resolve.

We don't make the decisions for each other, we just support, encourage and, most of all, we are there when no-one else is, when it all goes tits up, when we feel at our lowest, most shame-faced-want-to-crawl-into-a-hole-and-stay-there.

Having said all that, I am pretty sure that you meant that to come across as 'tough love' and I have probably poked my nose in something that doesn't concern me . If that's the case, send the fire brigade round to get this foot out of my mouth would you?

Hello LiarsWife and welcome to the bus. Do you feel ready to change your name for a more positive one? Something to celebrate the 'new you'?

If you are not in bed this evening, come back and have a chat with us, especially if you want to avoid the wine. Any chance you could just chuck it, or give it, away?

Beadmaker I meant to say, everyone is worthy, and you are more than welcome to join us .

faire it was my clunky attempt at tough love,

Saf's post took me right back to when I was trying to control my drinking, and I could persuade myself that a pub lunch on a week day day or early 'supper' at Nando's was a great idea.

Just reading all the posts here - I am so glad I found this forum :)

I'm having cravings :( Not to drink now, but to drink this evening. This happens every day and the cravings usually pass but not until fairly late in the evening.

I'm sick of this - I'm sick of wine and the hold is has over me. I'm sick of worrying and fearing that I will lapse and become like I was just a couple of weeks back - drinking every night and feeling incredibly guilty and panicky about it.

Just hope it will pass :(

Have to be honest, Swallowedafly I couldn't trust myself to just have one or two in a pub. I don't go to pubs anymore as I don't feel comfortable there these days.

I don't think I could do the day-on-day-off thing because I know that, for me, it would just slip back into every day drinking.

< happily sits back and waits for hunky firemen to arrive >

Mmm Firemen

Greyhound, those feelings sound horrid, but it could be quite helpful to acknowledge them and use them as an incentive to plan a nice evening. What can you do this evening to distract you from the cravings? Not just so you don't drink, but so your evening is pleasant?

Welcome to Liarswife. What 'positive and all about you not your past and STBX name' can we give you?

Iheartlife? -it rhymes .

I am really rubbish at word games.

STBX is a Firefighter .. and not so hunky (sorry to spoil the illusion!:) )

I have been considering changing back to my old username - KirstyWirsty .. maybe I'll just do that? I love all the witty names on here but just can't think of anything for myself

I've got 9 bottles of wine there .. They are under my bed .. That way I need to go upstairs and crawl under the bed to get one ...

I don't want to give up altogether - just want to not drink alone in the house really ...

kirsty help thinking about the controlled drinking vs abstinence situation. I think a really good strategy (well seems to be working for me anyway) is to completely stop for as long as you can. It gives you a chance to detox mentally and physically, then you can clearly decide if you have the abity to go back to having a few drinks here and there.

Until you give yourself a true break I think it is a losing game to try the controlled way.

Just thinking....

Hi Chasing

I am planning to abstain over the weekend from Thursday while I have DD back and over next week so that I can have a good run at it ... A bit like starting a diet - always good to do it when there are no plans that may knock you off track :)

I feel a lot more positive about being able to do this already

Hi Liars Wife welcome aboard -we are all friendly . We are all aiming for slightly different things here - total sobriety, moderating drinking or just a bit of help whilst we struggle through and decide what we want.

Sounds like you have a good plan for tonight!

isinde my lovely friend - I am sorry that I half read your post. You are a bloody wonderful mother. As Jesus said (oh, I do like saying that...), dna and parenting do not lead to each other. I am a firm believer that the physical act of re-producing and the ability to parent can and do exist independently. A parent is someone who loves and cares for their children, guides them through life, teaches them, builds them up - and you do all of that in spades

dammit - hello Kirsty - typical. Should post quicker! I don't have a witty name, its just me

Just lost a client ... the CEO has a new job and so contract on hold in a couple of months time. Boo - Isinde (and others - Faire I think!) thank you so much for advising me to go for the new client. I would be in the shit now otherwise.

Hi Kirsty, I'd suggest you try a seriously long stretch of complete abstinence. Like a month or two. The trouble with only giving up for a week, say, is that you can get through the tough times with the thought "I only have to do this til Friday" or whatever, and you might not fully engage with the mental detachment from alcohol that really needs to take place. If you want to become an occasional or social drinker (like our very marvellous Fairenuff) you really do need to be able to take it or leave it, not just somehow scrape through the dry days only to reward yourself with an unhealthy amount of alcohol when you are "allowed" to drink again. Imvho.

Sorry MsGee.

KirstyWirsty is a great name, and we'll lay off the yummy fireman jokes in deference to your experience.

Good advice as ever,Bibi

Bibbity you are describing me to a T. I endure the days of sobriety before over indulging at the weekend. But I don't want to stop, not yet.

Sorry MsGee re. the client.

I have been having cravings all afternoon - would normally open a bottle at 5 pm. Going to nip out to get some Coke and Haagen Daaz to have tonight.

Hello Kirsty. We are all in different places with our drinking, I am zero tolerance simply because I am a raving alcoholic, and just cannot have a couple. But many do, Faire is a shining example.

I wish I hadn't passed my drinking DNA onto DS, because I have, fortunately he is very aware that he cannot control his drinking either, which is not an easy place to be for a boy at Uni that parties. I am very proud of him, he still seems to have a good time, occasionally risks drinking nights, but can not ever stop at a couple. He recognizes the place it took me to, and never wants to visit, so at least he will never be toxic and hazardous like me.

Bibbity I thought this would be one day at a time and you're talking about months !!!

My immediate thought was - It's my birthday in 3 weeks .. I've got nights out planned ..

Just going to do my best ... After STBX was kicked out left I couldn't stomach alcohol for weeks but then got my taste for the red stuff back .. I was being not too bad and only having a couple of glasses and not every night but in the last week that has gone up to a bottle and every night (bar maybe one)

Sorry Kirsty, it was a suggestion only - I am not any kind of expert! Just one of many options you could try.

Thanks Bibbity - grateful for all advice received .. :)

One day at a time refers to the fact that as an alcoholic I stay sober odaat- I'm not drinking today and not worrying about tomorrow. I'm not planning on drinking ever again, but I take each day as it comes, and one day at a time take steps to remain sober.

Anyone know when the physical cravings stop?

It's been 2 and a half weeks for me (apart from a couple of planned drinks) and most of the time I am fine. But every now and then I get a craving that knocks me sideways.

II keep busy and try to distract myself but when the urge is there I just want a large glass of chilled white .