The Brave Babes Battle Bus - BOINGing Into Spring, The Jesus(WhatNext) Way!

[Mouseface]

Hello, tis me, Mouse

I'm one of the Brave Babes aboard the Battle Bus, on the journey to sobriety.

We have drinkers, non-drinkers, inbetweeners, notquitesurers...... which is all fantastic.

No matter who you are or where you're at in your personal quest to get where you want to be, come grab a seat and join in the natter, just jump right in.

And, if you'd like to see where we've been up until now, HERE is a link to the last thread and the ones before it

See you soon.

blanket - call the the helpline back, explain where you are and the meeting you want to go to and they will try and put you in touch with another lady from that meeting who will be happy to meet you outside, explain the form the meeting takes and then go in with you (that is exactly what happened for my first meeting, the lady who met me that day will be a lifelong friend, we just kinda 'clicked' and it was fantastic) there may even be a lady near you who would be willing to simply meet you for a coffee and a chat!

as to the God bit, well, the term used is 'god as you understand him', all you need is a faith that your spirituality will help guide you though the tough bits, MIFLAW states that the only thing you have to belive about God is that you ain't it!

as to your dh, i think a little emotional blackmail could be in order, ask him why he would deprive you of a method to give up drinking and improve your life? just to suit his delicate sensibilites? purlease!!

am reading the AA website. there is some real insanity described and the worrying thing is that i nod along to it.

insanity like do you find you get drunk when you don't mean to i mean it's not rocket science is it that if you drink there's a damn good chance you'll get drunk and yet i recognise that particular madness.

still reading. opening my mind a bit despite wanting to slam the door shut.

blanket maybe we could 'virtually' hold each others hands into going to a meeting - just the one - to see?

Hello Brave Babes, I'm NonAstemia and I think I'd like to join the battle bus. Or maybe just the side car. I've been on MN for a few years and I've even known about this thread for quite a while, so I don't know why it's taken me this long to actually read it. Well I do know, I guess... It's that I assumed you'd all have (or have achieved) the goal of giving up drinking entirely, and I wasn't ready to want that. I still don't want to give up entirely to be honest. I want to be able to drink moderately and sensibly. I don't know whether that's possible for me - i really hope it could be. What I do know is, that I really really don't want to go on drinking as much as I do at the moment, for lots of reasons.

I drink between half and a bottle of wine most nights. I don't get falling down drunk but I do get fairly pissed most nights. DP and I try not to drink two nights a weeks - he usually manages this, I rarely do. My witching hour is 5pm, when I find the lure of white wine utterly irresistible. I'm always hungry at that time, and the chilled white just slips down so easily that before I know it I've put away three quarters of a bottle by the time I've cooked and eaten dinner.

Anyway I just wanted to say hello and make my commitment to trying to change. I'll go back to reading some of the back threads again now, as I've been doing most of the day. My resolve has been strengthened temporarily by the book I bought on a whim months ago but have only just managed to knuckle down and read - it's called Willpower. That gave me the impetus to look you guys up this morning. I spent hours reading here, and that strengthened my commitment not to drink today, where usually my good intentions dissolve during the afternoon into a craving to open the fridge with a glass in my hand at 5pm on the dot.

So I'm at the end of day 1 already!

Welcome NonAstemia.

Some top tips make sure you eat lunch and perhaps buy your favourite treat for teatime, so you're unwrapping a chocolate bar at witching hour, not reaching for the fridge. How did you not drink yesterday? Did you 'white knuckle' it? I don't know the book, but it sounds like the distraction helped yesterday- and us Brave Babes .

Hi everyone.

Still here. I got to day 16 and then temptation got in the way. However, I am now on Day 3 and the habit of reaching for a glass of wine after school run time is broken. I am feeling much better and determined to keep going.

I too have looked at the AA meeting. There are quite a few near here including in the day but I have little ones in the daytime so that's not possible. I am also reluctant because I would only want to go if there were other like minded drinking mother's IYSWIM.

Anyway, I am not drinking today

Welcome to the bus Mia .

I was in a similar position to you, not getting drunk but in the habit of drinking every night. My trigger was 7pm and hunger, kids in bed, cooking dinner for myself & DH. We rarely ate before 8pm. Half the bottle had gone before I knew it.

Never considered I really had a problem as was 3 glasses tops & didn't feel drunk, just relaxed after a good/bad/boring/stressful day.
I have not had a drink for about 2 and a half weeks & now see how destructive my habitual drinking was - the cravings, the hangovers, grumpiness at DCs, weight gain, bad skin etc etc.....

I had to make a concerted (SP?) effort to change my routine to try and avoid the triggers. I now eat much earlier & with the children (even if it means DH has to eat on his own later) and find that once I'm no longer hungry I don't want a drink.

Small changes seem less overwhelming - why don't you give it a go. You'll get tons of non-judgementtal support from the Brave Babes x

Welcome Mia

I am going to be very efficient work wise today but just wanted to say

dammit isinde I got the book "Mama, Do You Love Me" and am sat here crying. You could have warned me! It's so lovely. Thank you for the suggestion xxx

tempted to order the book now

good luck with the busy bee efficiency drive msgee - you must be so self motivated and focussed to work from home.

not sure about today's plans but i'm not going to be drinking. just want to say help don't worry about what you said - i felt a bit prickly on reading it but you're not wrong. it's just well, each of us has to make their own choices don't they - we can't make someone see something or see it the way we see it looking in and i think most of us recognise that if you push you tend to push away. does that make sense?

i've had times on here where i've been reading someone going round in circles and it all seems so clear from outside and you want to make them see and move on but reality is only they can get there and see it.

when i read what you wrote i wanted to stamp my feet a bit and say yes but it's ok for me because i'm not an alcoholic i'm just ra ra ra and justify myself or something. in reality it was quite helpful because i was able to step back from that stampy feet urge and analyse it.

so don't worry about it and maybe thankyou and ??? we tread careful lines on here don't we? in fact considering drinking can make us very defensive and spikey about our behaviour it's actually quite a wonder that we don't have more fireworks. i think that's testimony to the maturity on here or the commitment to safety and carefulness - i don't know - but let's all have a pat on the back anyway

i am scared to even say this for some reason but i'm considering finding a way to make it to a meeting. the trouble is they're at 8pm in town, buses only run till about 7. so several problems there 1) childcare 2) what does one normally do to kill an hour in town of an evening 3) small fortune of taxi home. i can sort childcare for once a week maybe. no.2 is a challenge as normally the answer would be go sit in a pub and read. no.3 is a bugger but worth it if it helps i guess or alternatively i could do the 5mile walk home and reflect on what i've heard and use it as an opportunity for exercise.

right way too long post sorry.

oh and meant to say welcome mia

saf - how about you call AA and see if someone can give you a lift - or one at least part of the way?

I still have problems thinking of myself as an alcoholic. So I think of myself as a person who has a dysfunctional relationship with alcohol and who isn't really in control of their drinking. And then I think I wonder just how that is different to being an alcoholic .

So I try not to label it. Because I too have tendancies towards the foot stamping. Then I drink a lot to prove I can do what I want. Except I don't really remember what I am proving or to whom...

Right - efficiency, efficiency

(and I am v undiscplined working from home - although has improved greatly in the past two weeks!)

rain - the meetings i go to have a varied mix of people, i have met 70 year old men and 20 year old new mums - each person has a story to tell, each person will have something in common with you!! you feel helpless about your drinking - you just need to give it a try!

Morning all

Saf I agree with MsGee that someone from AA will probably be more than happy to collect you and drop you home if that's what you want. Maybe the very first time you go, you could get a taxi so that you just arrive a few minutes early and have a pre-arranged meeting outside so that you have someone to walk in with, like JWN described?

Blanket you do not have to tell your dh where you are going. I know it's horrible to lie but this would only be for your sobriety and to spare his blushes! Could you say you have decided to meet with friends, book club, pta, knitting group, whatever? It would be such a shame to let this stop you. Especially when it could be so helpful and lifechanging for you. I say go ahead anyway, what have you got to lose? (Just remember to take your knitting ).

Hello Mia welcome to the bus. What's the plan for today, not drinking?

kirsty how you feeling today.
Mighty envious of your ability to run 5 miles!

thanks. yes i guess i need to find the courage to make that call.

i'm back from the shop armed with lucozade, shloer, tonic water, tic tacs, werthers, chewy mints etc.

it is time for change. i generally see alcohol as a symptom of my problems (as opposed to being a cause) and i think i need to examine that assumption. in reading on the aa website and people's accounts of their lives and the commonality of the kind of problems and feelings and mental states they experienced i do recognise bits of myself and begin to question that assumption.

i'm a bit scared. i don't know if i want to go down this path. aside from all the controlled drinking, abstaining, making rules etc etc etc there is a different path isn't there? it's the logical path but for some reason it is scary and seems to have such finality to it and be one that if i take it there'll be no coming back from it. sorry if i'm waffling.

blanket i've got the issue of having to lie too because there's no way i'd want to tell my parents (who i'd need to look after ds) that i was going to aa.

not so much the shame issue or the disapproval really (i've done worse than go to aa to feel ashamed of in my parents eyes). if i'm honest it's more about the finality of it as in not being able to sweep it back under the carpet if i wanted to - labelling myself and my drinking.

not to mention it's never a good idea to give my family ammunition against you because well because.

though amidst the 'fear' i'm feeling there's also what is probably a healthy part of it which is a recognition that maybe i'm not in control of my drinking, maybe i can't 'just stop', maybe i do have a problem and maybe if i don't do anything about it it will get worse. oh and maybe it has already cost me things that i haven't faced were down to drinking.

hmm. hmpf. grr. hmm.

people who stopped totally and do see themselves as alcoholics - talk to me please!

saf you make an interesting point. "is alcohol the cause or symptom of problems"?

Id never really considered the difference but shall ponder whilst sat here in playground with DCs

saf its a hard process. I was the same in thinking that alcohol was a symptom not a cause of the problem ... but I don't think its that easy.

For me - it certainly started as a symptom of other problems. But somehow in 20 years it became a problem in its own right. Solving drinking will not solve other problems, just give you the space to do it yourself.

The finality of it worries me too - as I said before I can't sweep it under the carpet anymore ... but I don't think forever. If I thought I had had my last glass of wine I would probably sob for a long time. I just think that this is my decision for now.

I don't tell my family either. I am sure my sister knows I have a problem with alcohol. However, its so normalised in my family that it would be weird to seek help rather than have the problem iyswim - and yes, would be ammunition and add to the general perception that I am a gigantic fuck up.

In my family its smiled on that my grandad is so desperate for a drink that when 'put on' cordial at family events (for his own safety and well-being) he mixes red and white wine so it matches the colour of cordial and pretends. Everyone thinks its jolly funny

In my family its ok for me and my mum to go on a bender, so that at the age of 30 something I was paralytic on the commuter train home and then nearly fell under it. My mum's reaction was to be angry that they judged me. Her and DH had an almighty row when she let me go to bed to sleep it off and DH was terrified I would choke on my vomit. For my mum we were just having some fun.

When I was younger my trigger was my family. I have ruined christenings, family birthdays, weddings etc. - not just for me but for others. A spent a christening hysterical locked in the parent's bathroom, sobbing and crying. No one raised the issue of alcohol abuse with me.

My family are still a trigger.

Did I mention my parents are coming tmrw

saf sorry to turn this about me ... its kind of stream of consciousness from your post...

But you can always come back from it, it's just that those people who have stopped for a long time don't want to go back there. Because where they are now is a much better place.

It's only a drink. It has no special abilities, no magical properties. You could even call it a placebo. Once you are out of that 'fog' and can see clearly you realise that you are giving up nothing at all. (Well you are giving up guilt, bad health, worry over bad health, fear, dehydration, dull skin, bad diet, headaches, financial cost, etc. but why fight against that?)

I gave up smoking ten years ago and was scared of never having another one. I couldn't face the thought of life without cigarettes. So much so that I promised myself that if I lived to be 90 I could take it up again! Now of course I am so over that addiction that I have no desire whatsoever to smoke. Even the thought of it makes me feel a bit nauseous tbh.

no it's good msgee - it's good to hear other people and to think of your own situation/feelings/whatever through other people's experiences and thoughts.

true faire. but you couldn't come back from it with the same sense of utter denial i don't think. oh it's fear of failure and not being able to lie to yourself about having failed.

Morning Chasing .. got stiff legs but other than that I am feeling good .. Got dinner and cinema with friend tonight and I have decided not to just have a last night with a couple of glasses of wine - she can have my glass that we get with the dinner deal and I'll have a diet coke :-)

My mouth was really watering last night at the thought of having a glass of wine but I resisted - and I think it's because of you ladies on here and the promise I made to myself and to you!

Just thinking about the summer body I'm going to have with the exercise and without the extra wine calories I consume on a daily basis :)

total aside but my ds has just SO impressed me. he wanted to go out the front on his scooter and i said no way with that dirty face and your pj bottoms still on.

he disappeared and has come back with a washed face and a pair of jeans on (albeit back to front)

Morning, tis me, Mouse

Hello and welcome to the new Babes

Saf and MsGee - I'm sat here reading your posts nodding my head and thinking 'yep, that's it, yep' to all the suggestions that are being made to help get you to a meeting Saf.

If that's what you really want, you'll find a way to get there and as Faire said, it's likely that a member lives not that far from you and would be more than happy to collect you. It doesn't have to be from your house, you could arrange to meet elsewhere...... if you want to. You need to want to, you need to be sure otherwise you'll find a million reasons not to go.

I know I would and I think we're a little similar in our procrastinating ways sometimes

Blanket - I'll happily hold your hand virtually or even sit quietly in your pocket. Being a Mouse has it's advantages I'm in Shropshire if you are near?

Help - don't be daft, you didn't upset me at all..... I may be small but my skin has grown awfully thick in the last few years. Nothing you said was out of order xx

IsinDe - Promise me you'll do that with the cushion! I meant every word I said to you lovely lady. Your post are always full of smiles about the DTs and to me, that screams love and devotion to them.

I think that when you don't drink, you are a much happier person. You are happier because you know that you can give the girls all that they need, guilt free. No hangover, feeling sick and praying that they'll nap to give you a break.

If you can do the same as Saf - a day on, a day off, maybe that would be an easier starting point for you than the terrifying thoughts of stopping all together? Just a thought xx

MsGee - sorry about your client xx

yay Kirsty; I'll join you in your quest for that gorgeous summer bod (mine, not yours] . Probably total fantasy but already feel slimmer not drinking for 2 weeks.

I still get the cravings but now recognise triggers & try my damndest to avoid them.

Enjoy your diet coke night out with your friend.