The Brave Babes Battle Bus - BOINGing Into Spring, The Jesus(WhatNext) Way!

[Mouseface]

Hello, tis me, Mouse

I'm one of the Brave Babes aboard the Battle Bus, on the journey to sobriety.

We have drinkers, non-drinkers, inbetweeners, notquitesurers...... which is all fantastic.

No matter who you are or where you're at in your personal quest to get where you want to be, come grab a seat and join in the natter, just jump right in.

And, if you'd like to see where we've been up until now, HERE is a link to the last thread and the ones before it

See you soon.

Ma - how are you? I've been thinking of you xx

JWN - you know me so well!

I really missed Nemo today, he came to pick me up with DH. I could hear him in the reception area chattering away. I went out and he kind of ran to me, arms out wide shouting 'Mamma, Mamma'

I might have had a speck of dust in my eye......

Bed for me now.... very tired after a busy day wandering round a spa. I had a glass of wine with lunch which was lovely, and then my treatment, a detox body wrap and a hot mud mask.

Oh..... it was heaven.

Sorry not to name check everyone, lots of love to you all. Be back soon. Stay safe Babes

PS - venus - I'm thinking of you often just now, especially as I can see 'venus' each night when I go to look at the stars, she's shining very brightly just now xx

i do hope if i'm ever pissed someone will bold my name all over the screen like that

HOPE no one died lovely. lots of water, couple of paracetamol and off to bed - save the flagellation for tomorrow x

glad treatments were nice mouse - suitably jealous.

hope lizzie don't beat yourselves up. had an entire bottle here tonight and actually don't feel pissed, just pleasantly sleepy.
am off to bed
night all

Hope, Lizzie and anyone else drinking tonight you have a choice now. You either say 'Sod it, I've blown it now' and keep drinking tomorrow and next week. Or you stop, have a big drink of water, and treat tomorrow as a brand new non-drinking day.

If you ultimately want to moderate your drinking, this is what it's like. For the rest of your life. You drink one day. And then you stop. You don't drink again for two or three weeks. Don't beat yourself up, don't feel bad. Enjoy your evening and enjoy all those lovely sober days inbetween x

Mouse I remember my dd doing that. Her little face smiling up at me, so excited to see me. And all my friends going 'aaah' [gooey smile icon ]. Seems like yesterday, enjoy it my lovely, you know only too well how quickly those years pass x

I daresay no one else is up. I poured a glass of wine and didn't finish it earlier and had a cup of tea afterwards. But I went to bed and couldn't sleep, so now I'm up at 2.50am. I polished off the wine and I'm having the last Leffe that was in the fridge. I'm not sure why, but I lay in bed for more than two hours unable to sleep and I want to sleep.

When I finish the Leffe I will be slightly fuzzy and hopefully nod off.

Having a nightmare at the moment with house buying/selling stuff going on and lots of politics with the local estate agents. It's really stressing me out and taking over.

Thank you all so much, Mouse, Faire, Demented, SAF, Chasing

Woke up at 5am, as one does after a heavy night. Complete with wretched hangover and woolly head.

Today is day 1. I am not going to drink today.

Hope babes are ok this morning, particularly Hope and Lizzie.

Jesus thank you for pm. I can't figure out how to reply on phone but I will be in touch later today when I get to the computer - much appreciated and will def take you up on offer.

RL has been busy, DD exhausted us both already! I realised yesterday was two weeks sober. Big challenges coming up next week but I shall not project

good morning and happy easter to those who celebrate it [busmile]

i drank one and a half beers and left it at that so no big drinking session but still utterly lame really given i had decided not to drink and realistically got nothing from it other than releasing myself from the feeling of wanting to have a drink and not being able to

i am glad i did a day one though.

i 'think' without too much projecting that i'm going to get serious about it when ds is back at school next week. finding holidays a bit of a challenge as the days are so long with him here with me all day and therefore i really want my day is over drink by the end of it. today i have easter dinner at my mum's later and there will be wine. i think i am just going to aim for not overdrinking for the next couple of days and then go over to some alcohol free days. i don't know. excuse making or avoiding setting myself up to fail? who knows but it's up to me i guess.

hope good luck with day one.

lizzie i'm sorry you had a rough night and am guessing you will feel fairly crap after a middle of the night drinking session. i hope you got some sleep.

Happy Easter all [bugrin]

Lizzie "When I finish the Leffe I will be slightly fuzzy and hopefully nod off."
(((Lizzie)))

Gosh I remember so vividly that desperation for (and drinking to get) the warmth followed by sleep. I promise you if you can put the drink down you can get that peace.

Is that the wine you were going to tip away yesterday? Not to trip you up or scold, if it hadn't been the house would you have gone out and got it? How would you be feeling this morning?

Faire's description of controlled drinking is true.

Today if you've chosen not to drink, make sure you don't drink 'by accident.' Get supplies in so you have no excuse to nip to the shops at teatime. I realised in describing how I keep well I'm careful to stay well emotionally by avoiding avoid triggers (like overtiredness, hunger, getting angry for no good reason except the buzz.) I paraphrased the much simpler and helpful HALT.

Avoid getting Hungry Angry Lonely or Tired.

yep - i drank by accident yesterday and as simplistic as it sounds i think 'hunger' was my tripping point.

i don't value myself enough to eat well throughout the day so i then get to a low blood sugar, bleurgh state and want to put something in that hits fast on the sugar front which is alcohol but there's also the emotional element i suspect - whereby setting up deprivation feeds into the need to comfort, indulge. and hunger maybe does have an emotional component to it....

blah. sorry.

Don't apologise! What's today's plan?

the difficulty is when your life is set up in such a way, or your health for that matter, that one or two or more of those states in HALT are hard to avoid. that's where it ties in with the mental health for me. especially if your replace lonely with say... unfulfilled or emotionally hungry.

can't look at the drinking in isolation can we? it has to be about healing a life i guess rather than just avoiding one thing.

The drinking is a start. If you can take that out of the equation you are much better equiped to address the unfulfilled or emotionally hungry.

not sure help.

need to mull on that idea of emotional hunger - i think that is probably key for me - that and the tiredness.

today as i said i'm out later at my parents and there'll be wine and i think i'll probably drink - though it will be one/two glasses of wine no more and you know, civilised wee glasses at that.

am i just avoiding by thinking it would be better to tackle this once school goes back?

I don't know [busmile]

What does them going back mean? Will you use the time to address the things that make you unfulfilled or will you feel lonely? It depends on whether it'll be a trigger or a crutch. I first addressed my drinking just before the long summer holidays as I knew I couldn't be with them and drink. I needed to go back to bed after they went to school, I needed them in bed early as it was a school night so I could get on with the drinking, and I could see that wasn't going to happen with them around. (It didn't work BTW, I drunk a lot less but hit a rock bottom in terms of quantity, daytime drinking etc. when they went back in the September) That was my experience and may not be yours.

I don't know whether for you waiting for them to go back is just a delaying tactic, a bit like me and smoking- there's always a New Year, Lent, too cold to smoke outside, just around the corner, and I am always in my last few weeks of smoking and never stop.

Or perhaps you can use the date to ensure you have no booze in the house, no party invites or stressful events coming up and go to AA on your first day with them at school, and then attend daytime meetings to help you stay sober.

I don't know [busmile]

Hopefullyrecovering you probably chose you name to because you mean you hope to recover, but you know hopefully describes a state of mind- you wait hopefully for a bus, you stand there in the expectation that it will arrive and hopefully describes the happy certainty of knowing what you want is coming.

Hold on to that thought, happy anticipation of good things to come, because of the good actions you put in.

Hope and Lizzie - today is another day, a new and fresh day. I drank wine last night, but as long as I can resist during the week that is a good start for me.

Lizzie - just read your description of your wedding day. Your STBXH sounds manipulative, to say the least.

Morning all and happy easter [busmile].

Hope all those nursing hangovers have a restful, calm, contemplative day and feel better soon x

Remember this feeling, that is exactly what stops me overdrinking now. I used to live with hangovers almost daily and didn't think they affected me much but now they can be stonkingly hideous and I really, really want to avoid as much as possible. Am sick of losing days to hangovers, what a waste, I'm done with that.

Saf got nothing from it other than releasing myself from the feeling of wanting to have a drink and not being able to that just about sums it up for me. Wine, beer, whatever is not 'all that'. Alcohol promises so much and delivers so little.

I think it will be fine to wait until ds goes back to school if you think that's what you want to do. In the meantime you could stick to the small amounts you have been having, or alternate your drinking days. There's no point trying if you're not sure you want to stop just yet. But please stay on the bus!

Well, the long awaited Easter Sunday is here. I am off diet today, yippee!! I will drink, but only a little (hangover avoidance) and I will eat whatever I like, including chocolate [bugrin].

< greedily gobbles up lindt truffles >

hope - no daytime meetings here - barely any evening ones and totally inaccessible for me. plus i don't think aa would be for me - though more chance of it being so i guess if there were daytime meetings that catered for women and mothers rather than just late night red light district end of town meetings that catered for old blokes.

thanks faire. i'm going to stay on the bus. enjoy diet free day

Ok, saf: so if you're planning to stop when the DCs are back at school, what are you going to do to keep the unfulfilled/ emotionally hungry feelings at bay?

Can you volunteer or do a daytime class? Give us a countdown and make sure you post here and perhaps get some phone numbers? Tell family?

Morning All

Happy Easter [bugrin]. Have already assessed situation regarding DCs Easter eggs & decided which will be mine (evil laugh emoticon)!!
Big hugs to all the struggling Babes, maybe we need a big ol sing song on Gerald to cheer us up.
So chin up, tits out!

[bugrin] to all. happy Easter.
Taken DS to roll eggs at same spot we have been going to to for about 20 years.
21 years ago today, on Easter Sunday, i discovered I was pg for the first time!
we are off to Grandma's for humungous lunch and then the diet and booze-busting really has to start in earnest.
Only 6 weeks to the Race for Life 5K and I am way off course!

Good luck with the training Ma. I did race for life 2 years ago & the thought of running 5k really focuses the mind.! Have not run anywhere since but loved every minute of it!

i am drinking a beer. the day dragged insanely. off to parents house shortly for dinner though not eating till after 4 as it's a street church day and my mum is busy washing up and judging people

hope it's a bit of a nightmare actually. very little to do in the day and very much in limbo at the minute. i hope i will be starting my MSc this autumn (application and references went well but have an interview to get through at the end of may) but obviously that's a way off. i seem to live in a bit of a... i don't know - a desert shall we say (not sure if i've spelt that the sandy way or the sugary way but reckon you know which i mean ).

i am 'the only single mum in the village'. i'm of a different sort of education and social and life experience background to the mums - not that that bothers me but it does perhaps bother them tbf. i live in a part of the country that has very limited 'stuff' going on. it's all marriage, behind closed doors, work, money, conservatory building blah and very little else - unless you count pubs where old male alcoholics hang out of a daytime.

i know how excuse making this all sounds but honestly there is bugger all to do or involve myself in. those who've known me for a while know that several times i've tried to get volunteering but reached dead ends with organisations never getting back to you or being short on funding therefore abandoning volunteer programmes etc. most recently i was desperately trying to volunteer in a localish hospice and the OT team were really keen to have me but the volunteer coordinator you have to go with is incapable of answering an email it seems and when she does it's with a guarantee that she will speak to x and get back to you but she never does

and there honestly are no aa meetings here other than late night old male homeless boys ones in the red light district in the nearest town which is about 5miles away. feel like sometimes people don't believe me when i say that because it sounds like others have tons of meetings of different kinds and client groups etc. not here.

i used to live in big cities and at other times overseas in a beach/traveller type environment when i was teaching scuba. moving back to my home town has had a lot of consequences and then i had my son and ended up moving to a village. i know how i have to reach out and get back into life but pragmatically it really is challenging. i used to have quite a demanding career but illness and a shitey employer put a stop to that and i have to negotiate within my limitations now.

i am most definitely in a rut and keep trying to get out of it. and i'm pretty sure my drinking is rut decorating itms. if you live in a cage you try to make it comfy - i think booze makes my cage a little comfier.

so sorry for the epic post.

btw that honestly wasn't a defensive blah but me trying to be honest about my situation.

i have backed myself into a very empty corner basically - don't know how to get out or if i can get out and if i'm completely honest it's hard. life has felt like survival for a long time - no sparks or energy or sharing or .... you know! the good stuff

if the river is flowing there's a damn somewhere near me that is diverting it past my life.