The Brave Babes Battle Bus - BOINGing Into Spring, The Jesus(WhatNext) Way!

[Mouseface]

Hello, tis me, Mouse

I'm one of the Brave Babes aboard the Battle Bus, on the journey to sobriety.

We have drinkers, non-drinkers, inbetweeners, notquitesurers...... which is all fantastic.

No matter who you are or where you're at in your personal quest to get where you want to be, come grab a seat and join in the natter, just jump right in.

And, if you'd like to see where we've been up until now, HERE is a link to the last thread and the ones before it

See you soon.

ah, nothing like climbing on to Roger [bugrin]
anyone heard from obrigada or noteven?
silver - how's yer ma? In less than one hour now, I am taking dad into the care home - not that I'm clock watching or anything....will it be like dropping your first DC at school i wonder?

Hi Ma - good luck with your dad and the care home :) I love these Easter smilies (I'm easily pleased).

Hey, what happened to the bunny smilie? Try again [busmile]

good luck ma - hope it goes ok. is he ok about it?

have ordered a beat the clock pizza deal that includes a bottle of coke - that should take care of the sugar needs.

spent an hour or so playing mario karts with ds and have been drinking lots of water. kindle is charged and i have things to watch later so that's good. i'm trying to focus on how good it will be to get all of the crap out of my system - don't think i've seen a hangover through to the end for at least a month.

thanks for hi's and suggestions [busmile]

I'd like to join this thread. I've been on MN a while but have never looked at it. I know I have a drinking problem and have had for a long time. In the grips of an awful hangover sometimes I consider going to AA but will then have a few days off, tell myself it's OK and carry on.

I've had problems with drink for more than twenty years. Some of it is tied up with MH issues and self medication. At University I got trashed all the time, then in my twenties I did the same. Got married at 28 and had two dd within three years of getting married. Drank very little when they were small, for several years. Husband drinks but never to excess. Now I have a stressful life. I'm doing a full time Uni course which is very demanding and drinking of course a big part of the culture among the students, most of whom are in their early twenties. My marriage is ending and we are having to sell the family home and look for other properties to buy.

DD are now 11 and 9. Mostly, drinking doesn't affect my studies etc, I keep the show on the road. But I am a binger. Once I start, I want to carry on. If there is booze in the house I will keep going. I get memory blanks a fair bit and can put away a bottle of wine easily, sometimes two. I don't drink every night, but I mostly feel like I want to.

I fear social events a bit because it might go fine, or I might get very drunk and make a fool of myself. I suffer agonies of mortification with hangovers sometimes and feel suicidal - this is fairly normal for me and it's been like this ever since I started drinking many many years ago. I mostly drink wine.

I think sometimes I should stop completely, but tbh find the idea of life without alcohol a bit boring and depressing. I wish I could just be more in control of it. I made an agreement to stop with a friend I have mostly a text relationship with last December. He's also a binger. We planned to stop for three weeks and were supporting each other via text. I managed ten days, then relapsed. He is still not drinking, though he doesn't think this is permanent and feels life is dull and that he's less of a bloke if he never gets pissed. But he has more control and self discipline than I did.

Sorry for the essay. I know a lot of people who drink too much. I use this to justify myself but I worry about the long term consequences to my physical and mental health and wish I had better control over my drinking. It helps to have no booze in the house at all, but if I really want a glass of wine I will always go out and buy a bottle.

Does any of this sound familiar to anyone out there? Anyone got back from this place and got a handle on things without stopping completely, or is that really the only answer?

I should say also, that I am very time poor and knackered all the time. Going swimming makes me feel great and when I used to go running all the time (something I can't do now as have a knackered knee) I hardly drank. But it's really hard to fit in the time for exercise, with a full time degree, two kids and a marriage break up happening.

I have succeeded in stopping smoking. But I'm addicted to Nicorette spray now!

ime it's more like you can achieve temporary getting a hold of it and inevitable slippery slope not got a hold of it, get a hold of it again and slippery slope inevitably not - again.

sadly.

welcome on board. i'm on day 1 so you're welcome to join me in not having a drink, just for today.

and i'm sorry for all your going through at the minute - doesn't get much more stressful than that x

Lizzie welcome to the bus! I've only been here for a short time. At the moment, I am trying to keep of the booze during the week. Ideally, I would like to stop altogether.

Your story sounds very similar to mine. I have been drinking, also for about twenty years, and it started in my mid 20s. Before then, I had no real interest in alcohol and am not clear about why I started when I did.

I've been sober for four days now, the longest time in years. I feel much better physically and mentally but I am so worried that I will get back into the bottle of wine a night habit.

I also have mental health issues - bipolar type 2 - and can relate to the self medicating.

It sounds as though you have an awful lot on your plate and there are a few triggers for drinking there as well - the stress, the student life, the upheaval of a marriage break up and move.

I think I started drinking because I lived alone from the age of 23 onwards. I was living, in my own little flat in London, and having stress at work. I was also suffering the beginnings of a depression that eventually saw me have a full blown breakdown and hospital admission. I was in a psychiatric hospital for several months.

I distinctly remember the moment when, having moved into my flat some weeks back, I thought "Ooh, why don't I have some wine with my dinner?". That's where it began. I liked the buzz, the oblivion, the creative flow that seemed to come through with the drink. I didn't really drink that much, but I drank most nights and that was the beginning of the slippery slope.

I have found this place wonderfully supportive - for the first time in forever, I think I can do this. Even if it's just cutting down to a few glasses at the weekend, that would be a massive improvement.

We're all here to support each other and we never judge. Good luck and WELCOME!

Thank you both.

Greyhound, I have BP type 2 as well. Was misdiagnosed with recurrent depression, so several episodes on ADs in teens and twenties. Then misdiagnosed with anxiety and depression in mid thirties and put on venlafaxine which made me v unwell with ultra rapid cycling which I still suffer from.

I've just stopped taking lamotrigine. It was a similar experience to the venlafaxine - it was helpful at first, then over time I realised that not only was I not well, I was maybe worse because of the pills. I hadn't booked up a psych appointment because it clashed with exams, so psych signed me off to GP. I just didn't pick up my prescription, went cold turkey and felt so much better off the pills. My drinking is less pathological now I'm not taking it as well.

I know this isn't a MH thread, but the two are linked in my case. When I'm up and when I'm down is when the drinking is worst, both in terms of volume and consequences/behaviour.

Maybe if we want to talk about this MH stuff you could PM me. I'd be interested to know more about your experiences.

I'm making this a day 1, as well. Even though there is a 1/3 drunk bottle of wine in the fridge. Haven't been too bad in recent days, but haven't woken up with a completely clear head for a while either.

lizzie welcome.
will post more later
just back from care home - that was a hard thing to do

Ugh Venlafaxine was a horrible drug to come off, if I remember! I'm on lamotrigine. I've been on it for a year or two but I expect it will stop working at some point, as they usually do.

The two (MH and drinking) are linked for me too. I think that is very commonplace.

Do PM me if you want to chat - bipolar is a difficult illness to have, even if you manage it well, as it is a chronic illness. I was reading somewhere that, whilst bipolar type 1 and type 2 are very different, the long term outcome is similar - i.e. you are always going to have to carefully manage and monitor your moods. A mate of mine had bipolar 2 but, following various shenanigans involving excessive spending and delusional behaviour, has now the dubious privilege of being 'promoted' to type 1.

hello lizzie! - i have to mention this, you say that you think life without drink will be 'boring and depressing' how do you know? you havent tried it for very long and tbh, the way you describe life with the drink sounds pretty boring and depressing to me! - i fully fully understand that the thought of life without drink can be scary, but honestly, i cannot describe to you how my life has taken off without the drink to hold me back! i used to take ads on a daily basis, for quite a few years (im not comparing myself with your mh issues which sound far more serious than i ever had to cope with) but once i became sober, after about 6 months, i weaned myself off and havent looked back (again, im not suggesting for one second you should do the same, i had mild despression, not a chronic ongoing illness!) what im trying to say i suppose is that looking back, i now see just how much my mental health, and recovery from my depression was held back by booze, it negated evey drug i took, depleated any healthy food or drink i took, wore down my immune system, kept me in a dark place whilst pretending to be my friend and comfort! btw, i always thought i was functioning pretty well at work, kept on top of things etc etc, bloody hell, was i wrong! might be a good idea to look at how your studies change after a period of soberity, im willing to bet you will be amazed!

ma - you are a good daughter, you have done right by your dad, you cant ask any more of yourself!

Ma ((((()))))) xxx

Ma - so sorry to hear about your dad. I must have missed any posts about him. You do know that you've done all that you can for him don't you? I'm sure he'll be having a right old knees (replaced and original) up in no time at all xx

Lizzie - Welcome to the Bus MH factors massively with me too, my drinking and MH are linked and have been for a very long time now, I'd say my teens were the time when I began to notice that actually, I wasn't enjoying life one minute, I responded differently to things than others did, and yet I was on top of the world the next.

Being utterly paranoid about everything played a HUGE part in my life, I was always so unsure of myself, my life, my decisions.... alcohol changed all of that and quickly. It was a quick fix and worked much faster than any meds that I could've taken.

I'm now off all heavy duty stuff and weaning off Citalopram (on 20mg now after being on 60mg) and I feel me again. More than I have in a very long time.

ADs and alcohol are a recipe for disaster, destruction, hurt, pain, deceit, false smiles, inner wars with your heart and your head, fright beyond any fright you've felt before....... swinging from high to low, oh so low and back again.

Sorry to go all MH and all that but for me, the two have ALWAYS gone hand in hand so you're not alone in that Lizzie and Grey.

Saf - your non drinking plan sounds like it's going great so far Keep going sweets, you know you'll feel so much better with a clear head and once your head is clear, you'll feel better about everything else, or at least I hope you will xx

Nemo is being so horrid to me today and I'm finding it very hard to take. I went to get a few bits from Morrisons and when getting him in the car, my trolley managed to roll away (I thought I'd put the break on) nearly hitting a car, I had a screaming Nemo in my hands and then he started hitting me in the face so I couldn't see. He then proceeded to punch me and kick at me, whilst screaming at me.

I know he has 'Complex Special Needs' but surely violence at that level has to be dealt with? I got home and burst into tears. I can't even cope with him today. He's upset me so much. He won't do anything I ask, he won't even stay on the naughty step.

Getting him to understand his actions is failing too. I can't reward his good behaviour because his bad is outweighing it. DH is busy and has been for days but tomorrow, tomorrow is my day off.

I'm going to the Spa with my friend. I. Can't. Wait. [guilty emoticon]

Sorry for me me me post.

he's only in temporarily for now, to try it, but it was a hot little room and he just sat there looking so sad. he was alway so independent and arsy and taking on the world (and quite objectionable most of the time) and there he was with strangers unpacking all his things and asking him loudly "do you want a cup of tea dear?"
I mean, i don't even know why I'm so upset ...he was a terrible abusive father and abusive husband who damn near destroyed us all. he wouldn't even give me away at my wedding. I spent years yearning for him to get his comeuppance, even fantasised about killing the bastard... and now...

oh ma lovey!!!! its all unfinished business isnt it? its hard to realise you love someone who really isnt worthy of that love, but, i do think it shows you are a bigger, nicer, more caring compassonate person than your dad could ever have been, cry away!! i think you need to mourn the dad you never really had but always deserved!!

oh bless you mouse. yes violence has to be dealt with whatever a child's needs - just about finding the right way to deal with it with that child i guess. no expert on sn. do you still have a respite worker that you could talk to? or the service that deals with his communication stuff?

you'd have to be superhuman not to be upset and fed up after being hit and kicked - no matter what the reason.

yeah it's going ok so far. have eaten despite not being very hungry as a sort of preventative action so i don't get to the very hungry stage - think that's definitely a trigger for me.

have had a glass of full fat coke and lots of elderflower cordial. might go for caffeine free teas tonight as if i stick with coke i'll never sleep.

thankfully ds has been pretty cool about a quiet day in the house and hopefully i'll have some energy back tomorrow to take him out and do stuff.

sorry i cross posted!!

i'm so sorry ma. hope you can let it out now it's all come up hard stuff.

Oh Ma there's me waffling on about my worries when I can clearly see just how much this has hurt and upset you xxxxx

Saf - I think that's what you need... some down time. Are you going to your folks for Easter at all? We're going North on Tuesday and I am going to have to be on my best behaviour not to lose it when Nemo gets compared to the other children of similar age..... I really do struggle with not saying exactly how it is for us at times.

I'm sorry that I'm moaning about him, I feel really bad. I'm so very grateful that he is still here, he came so, so, so very close to not being on several occasions.

I just want him to know that he doesn't have to be that child, he has my undivided attention 24/7 so bad behaviour is just pointless. He does this with everyone BTW, not just me but I get the works IYSWIM? He seems to be the nastiest with me.

I think he's worse when not in school too. He has a much better nature about him at school. Hmm...... yes, definitely worth that conversation with his team Saf, great thinking!

Thank you. I need to go and find my cooker, they've rigged up an electrical socket so that I can at lest now cook hot meals and DD is desperate for her dinner.

Will try to pop back later. Happy Easter everyone, well, for those who celebrate it

I got my friend's DDs an Easter Egg each, she said she doesn't bother so not to worry..... she said she feels bad that I've got them something and she's not or for Nemo. I told her giving is better than receiving, and that I like to Pay It Forward

MA and MOUSE (can't do bold on stupid iPhone) do sorry, sounds very stressful indeed.

I am in sidecar but sort of planned to be. Plan to not drink during week but have wine at the weekend.

So, we will see how this goes...

Mouse just wanted to say that, in that respect, the principle is the same for all children, regardless of sn. Praise the good, ignore the bad. If he won't stay on the naughty step, can you shut him in his room or something, so that he gets no reaction from you? Or bring his car seat into the house and strap him into it? As long as he is safe and it does not distress you. ((Hugs)) for you and ma and anyone else who needs one today [busmile] x

i'll have one if they're going spare [busmile]

i just went to the shop with the boy btw and bought chocolate ice-cream and sweets and no booze