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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Planning to walk away from everything for the weekend

123 replies

beautifulwho · 30/03/2012 20:27

Hello, I'm back to tell you that I've had enough and I need everything to stop for a bit. I'm planning on going away for the weekend, leaving the husband with the kids, going to the shop and not coming back.

I don't know where to go but I can think of a few places where I could turn up and try my luck, I don't drive so I will need to take money from my husbands wallet and take my debit card for paying for somewhere to stay. The kids can go to MIL she's really good with them and I'll let my church know I'm alive and intend on staying that way. I need to take a bag with me with essentials and iron clothes for the boys and DH for church on Sunday, will aim to get back Sunday PM. I can't cope any other way.

OP posts:
PooPooInMyToes · 30/03/2012 22:53

Why is your card kept in his wallet?

So it sounds like he gaslights you as well.

PooPooInMyToes · 30/03/2012 23:01

Just wanted to say i hope you are ok op x

holyShmoley · 30/03/2012 23:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lueji · 31/03/2012 00:55

Sending hugs.

It seems that you don't need a break from your family but from your H.

My guess is that by leaving without the children you will miss home and will be more inclined to go back to your marriage.
Any chance you can take them and have a feeling of how life without your H is?

The way you are planning it, it's possible your H will interpreted it as leaving him for good as well as the children, and then regretting it and returning.
I suspect you will find yourself in a weaker position, actually.

Could you take the children on a day out and don't come back until the evening?

If it is that bad and you feel threatened, just leave with your children. Go to a refuge if necessary.

GingerBlondecat · 31/03/2012 06:16

Newbie here, logged in just to say hi :) ((gentle smiles))

I've been on Sertraline for a couple of years and I'm surprised they started you at such a high dose.

  1. it can take up to 6-8 weeks to get any effect
  2. high doses at the start can cause, umm I don't know how to say this, a higher possibly of bad self talk and suicide.

Please go back to your health care Doctor or specialist.

A week-end by yourself sounds good, but would you consider having a friend check in on you and make sure you are OK.

Please look after yourself and keep yourself safe.

I have followed your other thread from Three panda's and I have been praying for you.

(((Hearts & HUGS, Thoughts and Prayers ))) for you sweetie.

NettleTea · 31/03/2012 09:18

was on your other thread too. Did you read all the links and references others posted? Is there a different church you could go to today, if you are able, maybe a different denomination. I dont think that you need to lose your faith, but I do think it seems that somehow the church you are attending doesnt seem to be able to support you if your OH doesnt want to change, and that isnt what the biblical teachings are designed for - they talk about protecting the vulnerable in society, and not abusing power that is ordained to you.
I am just concerned that the weekend will give you the breathing space, but your husband will punish you for having done it. i think you need alot of help to get yourself and your children away, which is why women's aid would be a good start, but a different church might be able to remove you from a circle which seems to be propping up his abuse of you whilst maintaining your access to spiritual advice from people who will not go running to your OH.

Eurostar · 31/03/2012 14:57

Hope you are OK Beautiful. From what I have understood from your threads, you are being systematically sexually attacked in your relationship, and emotionally abused. I hope you can reach out for help this weekend from people who are not your church Elders.

Are you in the UK? Was it your GP who prescribed the Sertraline?

Dozer · 31/03/2012 21:13

Hope you are ok.

Sweepitundertherug · 31/03/2012 21:18

Sweetheart, are you ok x

oikopolis · 31/03/2012 22:14

thinking of you hon

puds11 · 01/04/2012 11:43

anybody know if op is ok?

GingerBlondecat · 01/04/2012 13:04

(((Hugs))) and hoping you are OK.

amillionyears · 01/04/2012 20:10

Im hoping she is having a lovely weekend.

Original poster
beautifulwho · 02/04/2012 08:59

Hi, I didn't go anywhere, I couldn't find my bank card in DH's wallet. I am struggling with thoughts of harming myself so I haven't been on here. I'm taking things an hour at a time and can't blame all of this on DH as it's mostly down to childhood abuse issues and shit parent syndrome! I've just got to get to the end of the week without doing myself any damage, I have to think of my boy's and they need a mum to love, nurture and protect them x

OP posts:
CailinDana · 02/04/2012 09:04

Hi beautiful, I'm so glad you're back. It's a shame you didn't get to go anywhere. Sorry to hear you had such a tough weekend.

When you say harming yourself, do you mean cutting or do you mean suicide?

CandlestickBlue · 02/04/2012 09:33

Hello beautiful, I'm sorry to hear you didn't get away. I just thought of one small practical thing that might help - could you contact your bank and tell them you've 'lost' your bank card and ask for a replacement? If you don't want it sent to the house you may be able to go and collect it from your branch.

Hope things get better for you soon and that you and your boys get some time to enjoy the sunshine (if there's any left where you are).

Original poster
beautifulwho · 02/04/2012 10:19

Thanks cailinandcandlestick I mean suicide, I'm just trying to keep reminding myself that my boys need me and I don't want them to be alone or lonely. Just need to take things an hour at a time x

OP posts:
CailinDana · 02/04/2012 10:24

:( So sorry you're feeling that way. Would you consider calling the Samaritans? Their number is 08457 90 90 90. Sometimes just talking to them can release a bit of tension and help you get to the next hour.

Apart from that, keep talking here if you can. What's going through your head?

Dozer · 02/04/2012 10:27

Beautiful, v sorry you're feeling like that, if you get the chance please do contact the samaritans or your doctor and tell them how you're feeling.

Yes, your lovely boys do need you, and you can have a good future together.

Please take care and seek help. We're all thinking about you.

Original poster
beautifulwho · 02/04/2012 10:55

cailindana I just feel overwhelmed by the need to feel safe and loved, I would like nothing more than to be curled up on a sofa in a safe place called home with my (imaginary) parents, just to be able to call someone mum and dad and it be about a nurturing relationship not abuse and distrust Sad I had to stop myself from begging my pastor to take me home and keep me safe yesterday. A bit pathetic but my heart is overwhelmed with grief and neediness at the moment x

OP posts:
CailinDana · 02/04/2012 11:00

It's ok to feel that way, beautiful, it's not pathetic. It's ok to need people, to want to be loved and cherished. I've felt that way too. My parents weren't abusive, but I was abused by a family friend, and my parents just didn't care. I've felt that longing for real parents, and I've sunk into depression because of it. I've been suicidal. It's awful.

I know it doesn't feel like it but there will be days when you don't feel this way. You just have to wear away the hours of shitness until you get to that day. I know it's bloody hard work and feels pointless but it isn't.

GingerBlondecat · 02/04/2012 11:24

(((HUGs)))) Sweetie, Are you able to see a Health Care Professional ?

I am still very concerened about the Sertraline.

Original poster
beautifulwho · 02/04/2012 11:43

Hi ginger I've been in the sertraline for 18 months now x

OP posts:
amillionyears · 02/04/2012 11:44

dear beautifulwho, is there someone, or some people in RL, who you could safely call mum and dad.
I have worked for a while with children in foster care, and I can understand your need for this. I do think that the state effectivley pulls out of their duty of care when a young person reaches 17 or 18, but the childs needs certainly dont just stop at this point.

Original poster
beautifulwho · 02/04/2012 11:48

There are a few people who I could safely call mum and dad Sad that's what hurts so much, I know they wouldn't want me. I can't describe the pain I'm in just thinking about them. I'm so desperate to belong somewhere. I'm so lost and sounding like an idiot Blush

OP posts:
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