I've noticed that when I feel an instant "spark" when meeting a new man, he always turns out to be >

[KarmaK]

a complete nightmare, more often than not either abusive or just a jerk.

It's taken me a long time to really realize this. I mistake that "spark" for strong chemistry or even love at first sight. In fact, time and time again the spark has in fact been a sign that I've just met a man who is extremely familiar - yet another abuser!

It's actually the sane, healthy men I feel no spark with and thus don't bother to date or get to know.

Anyone else experienced this?

Karmak it is very easy to confuse feelings of anxiety with 'the spark'. Apparently, the 'ideal' date to replicate the feeling of falling in love is somewhere where you experience fear or simulate danger together, the chemicals that swoosh around your body are similar.

I wish I had realised this years ago, it would have saved me a lot of time, effort and self esteem. It wasn't until I met a truly good man, who wanted to listen to me, naturally cared about what was best for me and brought patience, love and humour to the table that I realised what I had been missing.

Just quickly popping in to say that I have decided to take a chance with nice bloke afterall. He might not be what i'd normally go for, but he is lovely and that has to count for something. Sparks are good, and i personally thought that there had to be one, but now, i'm thinking that a spark can be a low lingering thing that creeps up on you x

Can identify with this...was only ever interested in guys that I felt overwhelming desire for which ensured I overlooked all head wrecking shite...

I'm now in a relationship with a man who, although I feel some chemistry, doesn't blow me away, or make me feel like jumping in the sack every time I see/think of him...but we get on famously and, for the first time in my life, I can be totally rational in the relationship. Meaning there is total normality and I'm not completely obsessed with him.

Beware...I'm 50, so it's taken me many years to find a sane relationship...this feels 'right'....