Is it too soon and am i just being silly?

[seriouslyslummymummy]

Right first time on here so please go easy on me. Last year i broke up with my ex of 12 years. I've met a few men since but never really clicked with one until now. I met a lovely guy on the internet. We sort of took it slow but with us that seems to mean running as fast as we can.
He has met my sons and they love each him. My friends have met him too. Everyone says we make a lovely couple. He wants to move to be closer to us all. I know it was too soon but it felt so right. I really feel like he is the one. The only problem is that despite him looking at houses near mine and wanting to be moved down here by april he hasn't told his parents i exist.
Am i right to be worried or is this just silly when everything else is so right?

How long have you known him?

Have you met any of his friends?

you took it slow but have run as fast as you can ?

what does that mean in actual time ?

If you have any niggling doubts, trust your instincts. It's one thing throwing caution to the wind when you're footloose and fancy free, but you clearly you'll be wanting to protect your sons from any disappointment if things don't work out. If your new beau is in it for the long term, he won't mind slowing things down, and you should be able to discuss your concerns with him - if not, then it's not right.

It's only been three months. I know it's too soon which is why he's moving to be closer so we can spend more time together to find out if we would really be able to make it work. I've not met any of his friends but they are aware of me. They all seem really happy for him. I've seen messages but still feels really odd to me. He lives quite a distance away so it is difficult all round

how long have you been going out with him? is he in regular contact with his parents?

Slow down. Just slow right down.

Do you feel that you cant ask him why he hasn't told his parents about you ?

He sees his parents most weekends. We are actually trying to slow down. Just having three days a week together doesn't feel like real life. We were thinking if he moved down here we could see more of each other but actually see if we could make it work as an everyday normal thing. You know good stuff and bad stuff. see if we can manage the grumpy days not just the happy times

When you asked him why his parents 'don't know you exist'. What did he say? I seems a bit one sided TBH. Your sons 'love' him already but he is not shouting from the roof tops about you. Sounds d o d g y. Please be careful.

How long have you actually been with him and when last year did your 12 year relationship end? You say you've met a few men since your relationship ended, have you spent any time alone?

It does sound as though you've moved very quickly into this situation. Why the rush? What is his relationship history like?

Another thought, why does he see his parents every weekend and not you every weekend? Could he be married?

My ex moved out a year ago. I have tried to date a few guys since. I guess i was bored after 12 years with my ex. The last 5 of which were very bad. I have been alone and my children have never met any men before. It didn't seem right. At times i wonder if i have lost my mind

I find it odd that you haven't met his parents but he's met your sons. This is, as you say, all very quick and I think needs a sharp brake applied. 3 months is no time at all to decide how you might feel about him, let alone making big moves etc.

3 months ?

after a long term relationship, you are moving things along this quickly and you have dc to consider ?

bad move IMO

Any guy who could give up his life at such short notice... despite being flattered... would ring alarm bells with me. Most people have friendships, jobs, other responsibilities that would make it difficult to just up sticks and move.

You say you still see each other 3 days a week, that's not bad going. TBH, sounds like you're in a loved up stage and are thinking hormonally. Sooo easy to do, but tread carefully. If alarm bells are ringing, don't ignore them.

If your dc haven't met any of your other dates, why did you rush to introduce them to this one?

How many miles away does he live? Will he need to change jobs in order to live nearer to your home?

Is he plannng to buy/rent near you, or is he angling to move in with you?

I wouldn't go any further until I had thoroughly checked out his 'background'. Why not say before we go any further and faster I would like to meet your folks. You should be able to tell from his answer and his body language and the look in his eye whether he has something to hide.

Does he have kids?

How long has he been single - or ratherm how long has he told you he;s been single for?

Does he own his house where he lives now?

Does he work for himself?

Have you asked him about his relationship history? Does he have children? It does seem very odd that he's planning to move so soon. Doesn't he have work/friends to consider?

Is he single or divorced? Does he have dc? Have you visited his home - maybe stayed over night at his place?

12 weeks is a very very short time. Seeing each other 3 days a week sounds ok to me. Be very careful dont forget your children...it's very soon to have introduced him to them.

How come you haven't been to stay at his house, meet his friends etc?

Parents I can sort of understand - but his house/his friends??

I dont want to rain on your parade but it sounds fishy to me.

Izzy, I thought that about angling to move in with her. He's working to a pretty short timescale if he's wanting to be in next month. Does he actually have a job, is he planning to commute back to his old town for work or is he going to change jobs and find somewhere to live, all by next month?

I do think it's weird that he's not even mentioned your existence to his parents, despite how serious he apparently is about you.

On the nights you are not with him, if you rang him at a random time, say very very late, would he answer the phone?