Is it too soon and am i just being silly?

[seriouslyslummymummy]

Right first time on here so please go easy on me. Last year i broke up with my ex of 12 years. I've met a few men since but never really clicked with one until now. I met a lovely guy on the internet. We sort of took it slow but with us that seems to mean running as fast as we can.
He has met my sons and they love each him. My friends have met him too. Everyone says we make a lovely couple. He wants to move to be closer to us all. I know it was too soon but it felt so right. I really feel like he is the one. The only problem is that despite him looking at houses near mine and wanting to be moved down here by april he hasn't told his parents i exist.
Am i right to be worried or is this just silly when everything else is so right?

the thing about Mn is, we can tell you what even your own friends find too difficult

I agree with Akiss .You seem to have started dating quite soon after your breakup, which is fine if you are ready and sorted in your head about yourself.
But if your ex is a bit of a sh*t then you need to look at yourself as to why you stayed with him.

If you dont change the bait then you end up catching the same sort of fish.

So where do these 3 perfect days & nights take place? At your home where you play happy families with your dc and a man you've only known for 12 weeks?

If he gets a place near you, are you planning to spend 3 perfect days at his home followed by 3 at yours and a rest on the Sabbath?

Something's sus here - I reckon you're planning to move him.

'move him in'

You say your friends will keep a very close eye on him. And what are they going to do/say if they decide they dont like him? Would you listen to them anyway?

I know I sound a bit harsh but sometimes outsiders can see things clearer without the ol' love goggles on.

If my friends decided that they thought he was a danger to my children in any way i would walk away. It would hurt like hell but i would do it. I love my kids very much and wont have them hurt by this. I do listen to my friends advice. They were the ones to make me finally leave my ex.
I'm not planning to move him in. I promised my children i would never move a man into our home. I have never broken a promise and i wont now.

Can I ask how old you are ?
Do you think you would be able to make a decision about this chap without someone elses input?

I would def not move him down for a while yet.

I'm 30 and my boys are 11 and 12. I make my own decisions in the end but after everything that went on with my ex i'm a little unsure of my judgement at times

you are not listening

I get it

maybe it'll even work....if it did, I would be pleased for you

but love, why did you post here if everything is great and you have no worries about this man ?

you sound very passive

he decides who knows about relationship

your friends have the veto on whether he is suitable ?

who is looking out for you but most importantly, your kids ?

Why do you rely on the judgement of your friends and not your own?

If you see him three days per week, and his parents on the weekend, when does he work? The other two days?

Exactly....you've just said it!
Unsure of you're own judgement!!!
You need to be able to trust your OWN judgement.

In that 3 months, how many times have you actually seen him, in the flesh?

Even if you'd seen him every day of those 3 months it's too soon to introduce him to your kids, let alone for him to move house

Think you need to not just slow it down, but slam the brakes on!

You were very young when you had your children....
Seriously, I'd give this much much much longer before he moves down.
You sound so unsure of yourself.

I think it's too soon, as other posters have said..

There's something else worrying me here - You say seriouslyslummy, that you are no longer a mouse, you are strong and confident, and i don't want to undermine your positivity but you are worried that he hasn't mentioned you to his parents, you are asking us whether you're right to be worried.. Its how you feel, why question it? You should be telling him it's how you feel, not asking us.

Sorry i think that illustrates that you're not ready to rush headlong into another relationship just yet.

It would do you so much good to be single for a year or so. You're only 30 and came out of a 12 year relationship last year. Why are you so desperate to rush into another one?

He would never hurt me or my boys. My ex was the kind who did so i know the difference.

So you knew after 12 year with the ex. What about at 3 months? I'm sure you would have said the very same thing.

I'd be wary of someone who said the time wasn't right to tell his parents, but he was planning on moving near you.

3 months and your children love him? Oh dear.

Nobody is saying don't have a relationship with this man, people are just saying you have to slow it down (and this really isn't slowing it down).

What's the rush? I will tell you what - hormones! Control them NOW, not after he moves up, that's madness!

I can understand at the moment that you only see the good bits of this relationship. That's natural when you like someone as much as you clearly do, but you are very vulnerable, whether you see it or not.
The fact he hasn't told the parents he sees every weekend about you speaks volumes. You do see what isn't quite sitting right here?

Look i know i messed up letting the kids meet him. It was a stupid thing to do. I guess that will be fixed now. He knows how i've been feeling now and is thinking things through. I'm pretty sure i've lost him because i didn't trust myself enough to talk to him about my fears. There will be plenty of i told you so's on here but for everyone who is worried about the kids now i know he will still be there for them. As a friend. Which is what he was to them. I never introduced him as a potential dad.
Yes i was young when i had my boys and maybe i was naive to think i could finally get some happiness after all the years of heartbreak. Silly me i should have known better

No-one is saying you can't....but it's not like making up a packet of Instant Whip!

These things take time.

now you've "lost him" ?

what are you talking about ?

you asked for advice on the internet from some strangers, and you didn't get a whole hearted "you go, girl" and now he's "just a friend" again ?

I don't get it

seriously just enjoy the days together and get to know each other without commitment for now. Take your time. Him moving closer is just silly.

Can you have a few days together at his place so you can meet his friends and family?

I don't get it either. He was moving down an hour ago and no he isn't?? Is this the man that would never hurt anyone? Confusing. I hope you are okay??

Oh, now, don't go all pouty.

You are obviously very nice. He, seems very nice to you. And your friends, which is pretty much irrelevant, actually.

What's the hurry? Just back off and slow down - if he's seriously contemplating taking on two kids then he should take some time to reflect on what he really wants at this bit.

Don't go all huffy, no-one's saying anything you haven't already thought of. Right?