WE have just spent ANOTHER saturday morning at each other's throats as I have asked (nicely and softly) for some kind of decision on one of two points:
- are you getting a new job so we can move closer to mine
- If not are we going to get a car so we can enjoy where we live a bit more (a town in Surrey). And so I can take advantage of tax benefits which would mean I could claim abou 20% back on my commuting costs.
He accused me of nagging him, which made me explode, as I feel that his refusal to make a decision on either of these two points in forcing me to just live with the current situation. This is that I spend £4k a year commuting to my job which i started 3 months ago after leaving my last one due to harrassment (however that wasn't much closer and i paid £3k a year to commute). He works a 15 min drive away and gets a lift with a friend who charges him £15 a month in petrol. However he hates his job and works ridiculous hours for no money ( I earn about 50% more than him).
On the NIGHT we moved in together (18 months ago) he announced he was going to get a new job meanign I have neverbeen able to buy a year's season ticket to work which is what I wuld need to do to take advantage of tax benefits and just spent all of December swearing he would get a new job in the new year. He has looked at new jobs ONCE and applied for one job while I hung over him and practically wrote it for him. Not very nice of me I know but i am at my wit's end being controlled by his failure to make any decision.
Now I have settled into my job and relaxed into my vv long commute I am not so fussed about moving closer to work and have told him this. I have also asked him if he just wants to stay here as he hasn't applied to any jobs. Therefore shall we look at getting a car which I know he really wants(which I can no afford as I earn more in my new job) To which he explode and huffs and puffs and accusses me of nagging him.
He says he is just happy to bump along but I am furious as I basically pay for him to do this to the tune of THOUSANDS of pounds a year while we sit here and wait for him to make up his mind. So I try and have a chat with him about splitting living costs more fairly to which he replies that I earn more so I shoudl pay more. But the decison we made when we moved in was that we would split everything, on his behest. I now have sig higher living costs.
Basically this boils down to his massive inactivenss over doign anything. He lived ina hosue for a year where a housemate used to have orgies with prositiutes in the front room and a land lord who was extorting him for a year as he 'couldn't face' finding somewhere else. This morning we also had a massive huff and puff as he got a tax rebate (nice) from the inland revenue but couldn't face having to go to the bank to find out his account number so he could deposit it there. He had a payg phone up until we moved in together as he couldn't face the forms for a contract phone. What do I do?
I am considering just buying abloody car and sayiong to hell with it if we end up in London, but I can't buy a season ticket if he suddenly changes his tune and gets a new job somewhere else. I am just so cross about how much he is costing me in time and money.