My husband is an alcoholic

[finn2]

Do I leave him even though I love him and so does our dd? or do I put up with it and hope it goes away (which I know it won't)

Once briefly, but justifies his drinking now with pressure at work, he's depressed, his brother is in AA and he mocks them as being damaged people, basically he doesn't want to change his lifestyle which involves going to the pub after work and coming home and drinking himself into a stupor ever night. he functions at work barely I think but it has got so bad at weekends that I have to hide his vodka bottles so he isnt pissed all day at the weekend while looking after our 18 month old (with me there)

Leave him. Sorry, but you have no choice. I would recommend you speak to alanon which is for families.

It won't go away. Can you try al anon (for relatives)? It depends on how much it is harming you all, there's no easy answer. Plenty of people would leave, understandably.

I work with alcoholics.Leave him.

all the men ive known over the years family/friends with drink probs turn out to be violent in the end . your dd at her age wouldnt know daddy is drunk, but the older she gets the more knowing she will be , give him a short sharp shock and go stay with family or tell him to leave till he comes clean

does he just go to sleep when hes drunk or does he get angry aggressive etc?

But sadly a short sharp shock probably wont work. You and your daughter deserve better. You cant help him but you can help yourself and your daughter.

sorry hercules, when i said short sharp shock i actually meant to split with him and hope that he'd miss them and short himself out

Unless he's prepared to show some respect for your and your ds by seeking to address his adiction, then I don't see that you have a future together. You clearly don't feel you can leave him with your ds alone. What sort of existence is that.

I was briefly involved with an alcoholic. He lfet his wife and 3 year old, met me, we moved in together and he beat shit out of me and forced himself on me after downing 1/2 a bottle of Glenmorangie. Get out whilst you can.
His wife took him back btw

How hard for you, what a terrible decision to make. Splitting up may not have to be permanent and could be what he needs to face up to the harm his drinking is doing. There are always excuses for not doing the things that we need to do in order to change, basically as long as he can get away with what he is doing he probably will. I strongly recommend al anon too, it taught me a lot and helped me to make decisions. It particularly taught me about my own role in my partners drinking (hence my mumsnet name actually, after being infuenced by an al anon leaflet which explained how well meaning parters, friends and employers are all on the merrygoround that is the alcoholic's drinking habit).

I wish you strength - good luck whatever you do.

He doesn't drive. He isn't a heartless bastard and does feel some remorse for upsetting me god I sound like such a victim here, if I leave him where do I go? he pays the mortgage, I have a chance at doing really well in my job but if I leave him I have to move to the middle of nowhere and lose job prospects, if I stay and get my driving license I have more chance when dd is older. please only people with experience of alcoholics reply as all the rest will say dump him he is a piece of shit, obviously it runs deeper than that

I have experience of alcoholics which is exactly why I am saying leave him.

I'm not saying he is a piece of shit either. He has an illness that only he can seek a cure for yet the illness will stop him doing so.

Please speak to alanon.

My mother was an alcoholic so i know it all, have been to Alanon, can't at the mo due to dd being her age and work

Me too ditto

I don't think alcoholics are all necessarily violent. My dad was a (non-binge, reasonably mild) alcoholic for most of my life, and he was never violent.

I do think they harm the whole family, though. And I do think leaving would be wise. If he isn't interested in stopping, there's nothing you can do, to make him stop.

Better to leave now, before your dd gets to know him, and understands about the drinking.

It might be an idea to see a solicitor so that you can talk through your legal options - for example if you decide to stay but later change your mind, it will help if you know what the options could be (eg property transfer under relevant family law etc).

finn. I cannot contemplate being in your position. I was a victim of alcoholism and suffered badly but only for 2 months of my life when I had not kids. I can honestly say that if I thought for one moment that I was going to be in that position again, I would make plans to get out straight away.

Understand the money issues, but living on edge is no way to live your life, or for your dd to live hers.

If he refuses to acknowlege the problem and take action, then he letting you both down.

I find this interesting! The view points here are all very different to those times in the past when a mum has posted saying she has problems with alcohol. Most of the responses to those threads were supportive and geared towards finding a solution to the problem.

Let's not condemn this man who has a terrible addiction totally. Yes living with an alcoholic must be horrendous, but maybe there is some hope if he and the poster get the right help and support!

Leave him is all too easy to say, but so difficult to do in practice!

No one is condemning him.

I work with alcoholics-who lie,cheat,stink and lose their children.They dont want to stop drinking either.
Look after yourself