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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

"Go on your own then!" - should I?

89 replies

HeatherWitch · 29/02/2012 19:47

Sorry for the name change. Having an awful time of it right now. I got promoted at work (through LOTS of hard work) and DP is pissed off because I have less time for him. I do make time, especially on a weekend but everything is on his terms. We can never do anything I find fun, just stuff HE wants to do because I'm being punished for not spending enough time with him apparently. We have argued pretty much none stop since Christmas. We argue about everything, he starts on me as soon as I get in from work, first thing in a morning, over dinner - I'm just sick to death of it. The ONE thing I have really wanted was to go to New York. I mentioned this two years ago. He said he'd get on to it. 6 months later I mentioned it again and he said he was "working on it" whatever the fuck that means - it's simple, you book and go. Nothing to "work on" surely? I told him I'd sort it but noooooo I make him feel useless enough apparently and he would sort it. I mentioned it again at Christmas and got told to "stop fucking nagging". I was at work today and a colleague said something along the lines of "fuck him, go on your own". It has been on my mind all day. I got home and asked him if there was any progress on the New York thing. He sighed, rolled his eyes and snapped "don't fucking start". So I said "ok, don't worry about it, you obviously don't want to go, I do. I'm booking it for July when DS is away for a week." First reaction was "HA! as if! you wouldn't fucking dare" and then "fine, go on your own then! see how you like wandering around a massive city on your own you fucking sad act".
I wasn't really going to go but now - I'm really considering it!!! Should I just go?? Bearing in mind, if I do it will no doubt be the final nail in the coffin that is our relationship. Would I regret it once there? Would I be sad walking around on my own? Am I biting off my nose to spite my face by booking something I won't enjoy just to make a point?

OP posts:
momnipotent · 29/02/2012 19:49

I'd be on the internet booking it right now if I was you! NY is fabulous!

EirikurNoromaour · 29/02/2012 19:49
  1. he doesn't sound very nice
  2. take a friend or go on your own, sounds ace
KatieScarlett2833 · 29/02/2012 19:50

You are with this man, why?

Bogeyface · 29/02/2012 19:51

Go, have a ball, and between now and July lose weight in readiness for your trip.

About 13 stone should do it......Wink :o

Ragwort · 29/02/2012 19:52

I don't think going to New York is the issue - why are you even staying with someone who behaves like this?

Lueji · 29/02/2012 19:53

I like travelling on my own. Often do it for work reasons. It's just annoying being a single person in a restaurant, but a book helps. Or people you meet.

I'd go. :)

How old is DS? Could you take him?

Or see if a friend will join you.

OlympicEater · 29/02/2012 19:53

What Eirikur said

PufftyMagicDragon · 29/02/2012 19:53

he's a bit of spoilt brat isnt he?

TooEasilyTempted · 29/02/2012 19:54

NY is amazing and I love my own company so if I were you this would be a total win-win.

He sounds like a bellend by the way.

BellaVita · 29/02/2012 19:54

Go, go go!!!

hopenglory · 29/02/2012 19:54

yes, book for New York and get rid of him now. Exactly what does he do for you?

Lueji · 29/02/2012 19:54

I also agree with pps about your oh.

What a git.

lubeybooby · 29/02/2012 19:56

Why in the name of all that is holy and even all that is normal... are you with him? Why? What's the point when all you do is argue and he isn't even a nice person?

squeakytoy · 29/02/2012 19:56

There are two options other than him booking it.. one is booking it for yourself and going alone.. is that what you really WANT to do.. or book it for the two of you.. and just tell him when he is going.

From what you say, it sounds like it would be more fun on your own or with a girlfriend... but I am not in the "leave the bastard" camp all the time... maybe a break away from day to day life, as a couple is what you might both need to get things back on track together.

July is a long time away, is there any way you can arrange something that can be done before then perhaps?

dollymixtures · 29/02/2012 19:59

God, I'd love to go to NY with no one to please but myself. Do it!

HotBurrito1 · 29/02/2012 19:59

If you fancy going on your own do it. He can't really complain after taking two years to achieve nothing.

Tolalola · 29/02/2012 20:01

Go! New York is a brilliant city to go to on your own, and I've found them to be completely unphased by single people in restaurants etc. Hotel Metro is lovely and very central.

WyrdMother · 29/02/2012 20:01

A friend of mine (male as it happens) went to the US on his own for a month and started off with a two week coach tour to get some confidence, point of which (there is one honest) is it worth seeing a travel agent and looking into joining some kind of organised trip, or booking some specific activities in advance? Maybe you can book a guide for a day or two.

Regarding your DP there's nothing to say that isn't obvious, maybe a good, firm kick up the arse would help? I have steel toe cap boots... just sayin'.

tantrumsandballoons · 29/02/2012 20:02

Take a friend and have a blast :)
I'm free in July ........:)

Doha · 29/02/2012 20:03

But you would enjoy it Heatherwitch. Either take a friend or your DS, there is plenty for kids to do in NYC my kids love it.
But there is nothing wrong either with going on your own

Helltotheno · 29/02/2012 20:04

see how you like wandering around a massive city on your own you fucking sad act

He actually speaks to you like that? Shock
Honey you weren't put on this earth to be spoken to like that by a complete twat. Book the flights and never come back to him anyway.

Kayzr · 29/02/2012 20:04

Go!!! New York is amazing!! I'd go on my own.

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 29/02/2012 20:05

I'd be going it alone full stop if I lived with that piece of scum......I think he's jealous of your promotion btw.

messymammy · 29/02/2012 20:05

Was in nyc in November for a week by myself. Can't recommend it enough, you absolutely should go, fuck him anyway.

fivegomadindorset · 29/02/2012 20:07

Go on your own, I love it. NY is amazing. And think, a week of not having to copromise on what you want to do.