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Original poster

"Go on your own then!" - should I?

89 replies

HeatherWitch · 29/02/2012 19:47

Sorry for the name change. Having an awful time of it right now. I got promoted at work (through LOTS of hard work) and DP is pissed off because I have less time for him. I do make time, especially on a weekend but everything is on his terms. We can never do anything I find fun, just stuff HE wants to do because I'm being punished for not spending enough time with him apparently. We have argued pretty much none stop since Christmas. We argue about everything, he starts on me as soon as I get in from work, first thing in a morning, over dinner - I'm just sick to death of it. The ONE thing I have really wanted was to go to New York. I mentioned this two years ago. He said he'd get on to it. 6 months later I mentioned it again and he said he was "working on it" whatever the fuck that means - it's simple, you book and go. Nothing to "work on" surely? I told him I'd sort it but noooooo I make him feel useless enough apparently and he would sort it. I mentioned it again at Christmas and got told to "stop fucking nagging". I was at work today and a colleague said something along the lines of "fuck him, go on your own". It has been on my mind all day. I got home and asked him if there was any progress on the New York thing. He sighed, rolled his eyes and snapped "don't fucking start". So I said "ok, don't worry about it, you obviously don't want to go, I do. I'm booking it for July when DS is away for a week." First reaction was "HA! as if! you wouldn't fucking dare" and then "fine, go on your own then! see how you like wandering around a massive city on your own you fucking sad act".
I wasn't really going to go but now - I'm really considering it!!! Should I just go?? Bearing in mind, if I do it will no doubt be the final nail in the coffin that is our relationship. Would I regret it once there? Would I be sad walking around on my own? Am I biting off my nose to spite my face by booking something I won't enjoy just to make a point?

OP posts:
ifancyashandy · 29/02/2012 20:07

To paraphrase Peter Kay, I'd have booked it, packed it and fucked (him) off!

ImperialBlether · 29/02/2012 20:09

God.

I wouldn't be with someone who spoke to me like that. It's not the way that people should speak to each other.

You aren't married - why are you with him? In what way does he enhance your life?

Do you enjoy coming home? Do you think, "Oooh I'll have to tell DP about that"? Does your heart sink a little when you see him after a few hours apart?

Please, please don't say he's a good dad.

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 29/02/2012 20:14

I think it's two different issues...

1 - Do you want to go to New York? If so, go. I've done a lot of travelling on my own and love it! You can do exactly what you want, when you want. If I was you, I'd get a copy of the Time Out or Rough guides and plan the first few days in a lot of detail (cafe to visit for breakfast, galler to visit, place for lunch...) so that you can get a feel for the place with no risk of thinking 'what am I doing? Why am I here alone?' Then get chatting to people in cafes, tourist sites etc, visit the tourist info etc, and decide what you want to do for the rest of your time.

2 - Do you want to be with this man? He sounds bloody awful. I'm guessing he has some redeeming features, but the way he talks to you is despicable. If you want to stay with him then Relate or similar may help, if not, then plan your 'escape' sensibly. Don't rely on New York spelling the end, just end it.

PiedWagtail · 29/02/2012 20:16

I agree with a Truth above! Go - either by yourself or with a friend.

I'd also ask yourself just WHY you are with this man. If my H spoke to me like that just ONCE, I'd be so upset. He sounds horrible, really nasty and petty and jealous. I'd have a good long think about your relationship if I was you. then dump him

EightiesChick · 29/02/2012 20:17

Yes, I'd definitely go to NY, but as others have said, that doesn't seem to be the main issue here. This is about deciding whether to end it (by means of booking the trip to NY). Is he your DS's father? That does obviously complicate things if he is but that doesn't necessarily mean it's right to stay together. Others have asked some good questions re your feelings about him that should give you food for thought.

scottishmummy · 29/02/2012 20:17

go
ditch him
even if you go alone plenty galleries,museums,shops,chi chi boutiques
and your so called relationship sound dreadful

Sudaname · 29/02/2012 20:18

He sounds like a bully to me and he sounds really jealous and insecure. Its a slippery slope of trying to gain control over you - my first H started like that and in the end l could barely go to the corner shop without permission. He's just trying to chip away at your confidence and self esteem IMO - please dont let him.

Thats another 'GO' from me then !

anonacfr · 29/02/2012 20:19

Actually wandering round a city alone is amazingly relaxing. I spent a few days alone in NY a few years back and loved it. It's a very easy city to explore, lots of great shopping and eating too.
Take a kindle and indulge in the luxury of eating alone - one of life's most underrated pleasures! If you don't feel like it, there's always room service...

Sod the twat, go!

Dozer · 29/02/2012 20:20

Bin him.

HotDAMNlifeisgood · 29/02/2012 20:23

He sighed, rolled his eyes and snapped "don't fucking start". So I said "ok, don't worry about it, you obviously don't want to go, I do. I'm booking it for July when DS is away for a week."

I cheered at this part of your story.

HotDAMNlifeisgood · 29/02/2012 20:24

Oh, and dump him. Quite obviously.

lisaro · 29/02/2012 20:24

Go to New York and find yourself a man. You don't need that pathetic excuse.

discrete · 29/02/2012 20:26

New York is a good place to go to on your own - I have spent a lot of time there alone on business trips and there is absolutely no problem with it at all. You won't be 'wandering around a massive city on your own' - Manhattan is so compact it doesn't feel that way at all.

There is just so much to do, and if you are uncomfortable eating out on your own (no reason to be, you will be far from the only one) you can always get room service or takeaway and eat it in your room...

But beyond all this, I would go if only on principle. As whoever it was said, no one can disrespect you without your permission, and it's time you withdrew your permission IMO....

Lueji · 29/02/2012 20:42

I have found that little tours are good for company. You are bound to start talking to people.

I did find a man once, although I suspect he was gay, but we made each other company for dinner.

It's great getting lost in big towns and small towns.

Bogeyface · 29/02/2012 20:43

Had a chat with my sister (she is an MN lurker)about this, was a hypothetical "Would you go" and she said that it sounds like he is feeling like a failure because the OP has done so well recently.

I am not saying his behaviour is right, but perhaps a more healthy way to deal with it would be to ask him to go to Relate rather than just scream "leave the bastard" (which yes, I did say!). She pointed out that as the OP hasnt mentioned years of this type of behaviour, it could well be a recent thing, perhaps a bit if a midlife "is this it?" crisis, coupled with a feeling that she is so much better than him.

He needs to know that this isnt on, but adopting a fuck you attitude may not be the best way to show him that.

anonacfr · 29/02/2012 21:18

I'm sorry but he's acting like a toddler. Instead of being proud of her for her hard work and promotion he's sulking like a little brat and OP spends her non-working time trying to placate and please him.

Instead of rewarding his bad behaviour she should for once do something she wants to do and that she's earned.

He's an adult and needs to start acting like one.

TheCrunchUnderfoot · 29/02/2012 21:20

In answer to your first question - Yyyyyyyyuuup!

Maybe you'll find your new man there Wink

AnyFucker · 29/02/2012 21:25

He is a verbally abusive bully who is jealous of your success and trying to pull you down a peg or two

you little woman you, getting too uppitty aintcha ?

what a big man, eh ?

I wouldn't live another day with someone who spoke to me like something he stepped in, and neither should you

Book your trip to NY. In the meantime, start making plans to make a better life for yourself.

fionabruise · 29/02/2012 21:26

go

fuzzpig · 29/02/2012 21:29

You should take him with you. One of the pointy bits on the statue of liberty's head should make a marvellous seat for his pompous arse.

rightchoice · 29/02/2012 21:35

Brilliant Fuzzpig, brilliant.

ImperialBlether · 29/02/2012 22:10

Bogeyface, with all respect, maybe your sister should re-read the OP.

AvaMaria · 29/02/2012 22:27

Ask a friend and go. I went a few years ago with a friend and had the best holiday ever. We had a great 10 days there is just so much to see, as someone else said you will not be wandering round a great big city, it is actually quite small, but there are loads of things to do. Have you a friend to ask or ds?

NatashaBee · 29/02/2012 22:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Heleninahandcart · 01/03/2012 00:24

Go. You'll have a great time, and each wonderful place you visit you'll know who the sad one is. You can do all things you wanted to without him carping and complaining because you know he would make the trip miserable, don't you? I believe NYC is also home to those lovely people who sign up to show visitors the town as locals see it. You would end up having a ball!

How dare he talk to you like this. He is making himself redundant, as no doubt at some point in the future he will find out.

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