The Brave Babes Battle Bus - On Their Way To Giving Up The Booze For Lent (or just for today)

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse

Welcome to the Brave Babes Bus where you'll find a mix of drinker, non drinkers, those who has been sober for a long time, and those who are getting there One Day At A Time.

Come and say hi....... we won't bite

And if you want to know how this all got started, HERE is a link to the previous threads.

just looked it up...no such word as thought transferrer , well I am on me hols

hello all, back from lst school run for easter, this is where Im going to struggle, been a long hard day at work, feeling not my sparkling best and a hairy dog sounds lovely but I know it will lead to the bottle, so have poured myself a glass of soda and lime will pretend its a G&T and see how I go! its not that I think I want to give up altogether I just think its got abit out of hand and I want to feel and look better than I do

Well done Jammy, you'll feel good in the morning. A booze-free evening for me so hopefully I will too.

hi all, things quietening down here.
been drinking but going to bed in a min. mum ill, dad going into respite care on Friday....
silver how's things and hows your mum?

Ma she's ok at the moment, in a lovely hospice.

My god lovely - you've got it all going on - big HUGS xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi, just catching up. Bloody hard day 5 this time. As far as I have consecutively got before, and never not had a glass on a Friday.
Must say I am feeling a little less grumpy this evening. Am very determined at the moment so I hope the blooming craving for the first glass feeling will subside soon.
Can't even think about restarting social events without a drink yet but I suppose it's early days.
Some of you have so much going on, not sure I could maintain your resolve. At least all the stresses I had for years which kicked off the wine issue are now minimal.
Thank you all so much for being there so far and normalising my behaviour and giving me the resolve to tackle it once again but this time with added resolve and less shame.

Ah Saturday morning

The weather is a bit cooler, but the sun is peeking out a little - I'm glad about that because I'm going to a wedding this afternoon. Hope everyone else is heading for a bright weekend.

Have a lovely time venus

Well done to all those who got through without a drink last night. Friday nights can be a bugger because they are entrenched with triggers for many of us. For those who did drink and are regretting it, just try to learn from it and start again today. No point beating yourself up when the booze will do that for you .

Mouse, ma and all those coping with struggles, illness, pain, unhappiness, family issues - hugemoungous hugs, look after yourselves, rest when you can, rant if you want, just be safe x

Ds is away from home for a whole week on a school trip. He's only been gone one night and I miss him already. Went in his room yesterday for a big breath of smelly trainers and, well, boy smells, eeew . This is the first time he's been away from home and not packed a teddy

Good morning everyone. I have a question for all those amazing babes who have managed to finally stop or cut down their drinking after numerous attempts. I've tried so many times to do both and failed and I want this time to be different.

When did you get a feeling that this time it would be different, that this time you would overcome your addiction?

Hi Jane. I am still very early on so sympathise with your plight.
Personally I just have reached the stage when I am scared of the damage and lack of control. Yes I am struggling with craving a glass of wine but am on day 6 this time.
The other babes on the bus show that I'm far from abnormal and that it isn't impossible.
The support is helping so far.
Good luck.

jane - in the middle of the night of 30th may 2010 i realised i was alone, lonely, drunk, stupid and crying - my dh had walked out, my dd was crying down the phone to my sil that i was killing myself - the day had started out so well, family lunch, birthday celebration, it turned into an almighty fuckup! i had a choice, carry on as i was or get a fucking grip, i think i made the right choice, its funny, not in a haha sense, im cooking right now, got amy winehouse on the ipod , there but for the grace of god!

Afraid no light bulb moment here, just a gradual realisation that

1. most major events in my life are followed by the mother of all hangovers the next day
2. I knew that life would be ok as long as a bottle was waiting in fridge and I could get to 7pm.

My life is fine, no reasons for drinking, no excuses (unlike a lot of Babes on here), I just can't get out the habit. Still day 6 & ploughing on.

Right now, I just feel out of control. I can't stop drinking in the evenings, every evening. I drank more than a bottle of wine last night and didn't' even realise it. I can down half a bottle in no time :(

I have decided that Monday I will not drink. Please God, give me the willpower to do it.

JWN I was listening to Amy Winehouse as well. It's so sad - she was so young, beautiful and talented. Her poor parents.

Drink became a problem for me about fifteen years ago. That's how long it's been going on. I think what triggered it was getting mugged whilst working abroad. After that, I left my job and became very depressed. At the time, I had a boyfriend who liked a drink and I got into the habit of sharing a bottle of wine with him. Some years later, I had a full blown nervous breakdown and spent months in a psychiatric hospital. I stopped drinking completely and didn't miss it at all. Since then, however, it has become a habit and an addiction.

Sometimes, I wish they would just ban alcohol. They never will, I am sure. Had booze been invented in the last 20 years it would be a Class A drug, I feel.

jane, do you mean what was different this time, compared to all other other times I've tried to get things under control (or the countless number of mornings when I've woken up promising 'never again', only to be pissed by 8pm)? If so, I don't really know the answer. Unlike JWN I didn't have a rock-bottom moment.

I just started posting on here after avoiding the thread it studiously for a couple of weeks, thinking oh no, not another bunch of lightweights who think they're the worst mummy in the world because they had a glass and a half of wine at a christening party [mega-shame] . And I found some people who seemed to understand, who knew how difficult it could be, who understood the crazy thinking, and who seemed to be here to help.

I remember one afternoon early on when I'd given in to the temptation of the off-licence and had a nice bottle calling me from the kitchen, just begging me to open it. I came on here in desperation, thinking that I'd never be able to get through another minute. I was half-hoping for someone to help, and half-hoping that no-one would be around and I could just get on with opeing the bottle and drinking it. Fortunately there were a flurry of replies, and miraculously I got through the evening without a drink. That was really a bid moment for me - if I could battle against that intensity, then maybe I could handle the same the next day.

For me it has mostly been a 'one day at a time' realisation - getting to know what helps, getting to know what doesn't, getting to know myself, learning that if I can ride a craving through it DOES subside.

And then the results - no dramatic weight loss but I am so, so much happier, and I have a quiet self-belief, which feels very enjoyable.

Afternoon, tis me, Mouse

Ma - massive hugs to you lovely lady, keep going, however you can, whatever you need to do to get through each day, do it but try to keep posting so we know you're with us, even if you're in the sidecar. xx

Well done to all of the wonderful Babes who are at 2, 3, 4, 5, and more days or sobriety. Fanbloodytastic effort.

JWN - I will never forget the fear in your first few posts, your first thread. I sat reading every word you wrote thinking how brave you were to bear your soul on here. I remember the support you got from posters who were complete strangers to you.

It was unconditional. Something that you don't often get in RL never mind on an internet forum. I am so proud to say that I 'know' you and I have you as a friend.

You turned your entire life around and stopped killing yourself. You managed (with a lot of very hard work, lots of tears and nail biting moments) to hold onto your family. Just.

I read your posts now and smile because you are safe. You are sober and you are such a huge support to us all. Thank you xx

Thurso - the warmer weather this last week has been fantastic, so good for Nemo's respiratry system. His permanent cold vanishes overnight! I love the spring and summer for him. He is well during the warmer months.

However, today his is FULL of a cold again because it's cold and grey here. The heating has been on since 4pm. We are both (he and I) shattered after a dreadful night. DH has run out of paint for the bathroom (nope, it's still not finished) and I have no kitchen.

B&Q can't supply or fit our kitchen until mid May so we've gone to a local firm now.

Silver - thank you for regularly chucking chunks of cheese in my direction.

My DH and I have not shared a bed all night for nearly 2 months now due to Nemo waking, or me being restless so keeping him awake and having one of us go in the spare bed in Nemo's room.

I of course appreciate that at least two posters on here would love not to have to sleep with their DH's but I miss mine.

I best go and bath Nemo whilst DH is out of paint.

Will try and be back soon. Lots of love and support to you all xx

For me it's only been a week so not in a position to advise. No rock bottom moment but just the realisation that the drinking had crept up again and I was drinking more than when I first found this thread 18 months ago. I was tired and sick of being the person I was / am / chose to be. So today, I choose a different path.

Since I started a few things have keep me going: my v painful eczema is improving; when I cuddle DD in the night I am not breathing booze on her and am sober so I can respond to her needs; i am cope with work better; i can cope with toddler tantrums; I am not hungover and feel more in control; DH has told me that my behaviour is much improved of an evening now I am no longer drunk and how this impacts on him. We no longer have wine in the house either (actually there is a bottle in the cupboard but it's staying there )

Finally I know how hard stopping is and to paraphrase from a clip from The Wire I posted recently (google Waylan, The Wire, NA meeting) I know that I could drink again. I just don't know if I could stop again. So I plan on taking it one day at a time and keeping on.

Finally, this week is a year since I got that positive pregnancy test. I feel many things about it, not all bad (there is some sense of relief at having got through the worst). At no time has my reaction been to drink.

I just can't see what drinking adds to my life at the moment. But it's very clear what it takes from me. And how much more it could take.

greyhound you sound like me. I will be trying again on Monday too.
managed to get out for a bit of a walk/jog, so feel pleased about that. Me and DS have sown lots of seeds - coriander, basil, rocket and peas. House is full of bleddy seed trays.
faire how old is your DS?
hi to everyone else.
Mum isn't very well - flare up of fibromyalgia. Dad having a bad day, the thought of going into a care home on Friday is frightening him a a lot. I am dreading taking him - worse than taking the DCS to nursery or school for their first days. funny how life goes full circle....

Venus I read all your posts and they inspire me. I wish I could be where you are, but I've drunk today because of triggers and feel weak and stupid.

I just wonder when I'll be able to get on top of the cravings and not act on them. I hope you enjoyed your wedding.

Struggling Babes - You will get there but you're not ready yet lovely ladies. Sorry to say that, I mean it constructively and not as a criticism, because I am/was in your shoes. I will never give up drinking. Not completely. I like a drink or 7. The thought of not having another drink ever again makes me shiver with fear. Ridiculous? Maybe. Yes.

My drinking is under control today at 21:04hrs and that's good enough for me. Tonight DH and I are having an M&S Dine In For £10 because we have no kitchen.

There is one bottle of wine in the house and the shops are closed. I've had a glass and now I'm giving Nemo his last feed and going to bed. Tomorrow is a whole new day.

So, goodnight Brave Babes, I'm hoping that DH will take over from the night shift and I'll get some sleep. My life is revolving around my son, daughter and kitchen just now. Luckily, I have the support of DH to prop me up otherwise I know I'd be downing vodka, my favourite weapon of choice, like it was my last day on this Godly earth.

I hope that you're all safe tonight, at the very least xxx

I have name-changed for this, and directed here from another thread

My father was an alcoholic and died young. I used to enjoy a social drink, and the odd binge until about 5 years ago. Which interestingly enough is about the same time of life as when my father's social drinking moved to a more serious phase.

Around 5 years ago my brother died and I made a good friend of someone with alcohol dependency. We used to see one another a lot and I used to drink a lot when I was with this friend. Then I started drinking alone at home. First one bottle of wine a night. Then a good night was if I had not emptied the second bottle. Then it built up to three bottles of wine a night, more at holidays and weekends when obviously I could start drinking earlier during the day.

It affected everything in my life. I am not an abusive person as a drinker. But yes, drink-driving was regular. Lapsed judgements. Really affected my relationships and my work. A couple of times, more than a couple of times, I nipped off home claiming to be ill but in reality just so that I could have a couple of bottles of wine. I used to hide the empties so that the family could not see how much I was drinking.

I went to the GP a year ago and told him I had a problem. He laughed at me. He said "But how do you GET an alcohol problem? You just need self-control!" I wanted some of that medication that made people sick if they took alcohol. He wouldn't prescribe it but he did refer me to an addiction centre. After a few months of muddled letters and botched appointments (muddled and botched by them) I now have an appointment on 16 April.

But I realised that pretty soon, I was going to lose my job if I didn't sort myself out. Which would have a massive effect on everyone in the family. Only I can fix this. So a week ago, I stopped drinking.

The side effects have been horrendous. The shakes, the sweats, the lack of sleep, the headache that just won't go away and the constant battle not to give in and have a glass. Because just one glass for me will turn into a bottle and I'll be back to square one. I went out tonight, it was hard to drink soft drinks.

Can I just say to everyone that reduction is not a good idea? Don't believe in it. Many times over the past 5 years, I've cut down, only to build it back up again. My honest belief is that you have to get over the physical alcohol dependency, and it is a physical dependency and you will only do that by stopping completely for a period of time.

Sorry for long post and thanks for letting me on the thread HRx

hopefully wow! just wow!
welcome to the bus - you have a lot to share with us and your will power is impressive. Keep at it

Welcome to the bus Hopefully, glad you could make it . Have you had a chance to read any of the posts on this thread yet. I think you would be particularly interested to read the very first post that started it all. You have to follow all the links from Mouse's OP at the top of the page. Massive, massive respect to you, stick with it x

Ma ds is 12 and taller than me but still loves cuddles with his mum .

Oh MY! Hope Im so pleased for you and for all that hard work you have put in! A WEEK! A WEEK! It sounds like a gruelling week but I know you will soon feel so much better.
Im so pleased for you becuase you are a whole week into your journey unlike others (me).
I just wanted to say that I hear you and Im moved by reading your post.
I have faith in you and please post if you ever need encouragement to keep on abstaining.
You go girl.... :)

Hello to all new babes.

x

Ps.

Tonight I am delighted to be On The Bus and NOT in the sidecar. :O)