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Original poster

Does anyone else think this is a bit pervy...??

89 replies

RedZuleika · 28/01/2006 21:48

Humour me...

Imagine a scenario where a father, as part of horseplay, regularly turns his 9/10 year old daughter over (onto a bed, chair etc) and spanks her lightly on her (clothed) bottom. Or slaps her bottom as she walks past him.

Well - does anyone else think this is a bit pervy...??

OP posts:

fannylover · 28/01/2006 21:48

no... but maybe i am just naive?

harpsichordcarrier · 28/01/2006 21:49

dodgy and inappropriate

Enid · 28/01/2006 21:50

not really

fannylover · 28/01/2006 21:51

it's the kind of thing i do to ds (11 months).... but can quite easily see how it could carry on, perfectly innocently....

morningpaper · 28/01/2006 21:51

not really

my dad this sort of thing to me all the time

charliecat · 28/01/2006 21:52

My friends dad used to do this to her, always felt it was odd, was never quite sure coming from a single parent house. She wet the bed till she was 17+, he tryed it on with a few of her friends, I never said anything about it.

morningpaper · 28/01/2006 21:52

Lord I miss the word 'did' out of that sentence

my father does not turn me over and spank me now I am 31

sobernow · 28/01/2006 21:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FrannyandZooey · 28/01/2006 21:58

I can see why it sounds dodgy, but I have seen it done in almost exactly the same way as you describe, to girls of that age, and known that it was absolutely fine and just a good joke for all concerned. However that was one particular family. I would say, if watching it makes you feel uncomfortable, there is possibly something not quite right.

Racers · 28/01/2006 22:03

I'm with sobernow. My first thought was that it was dodgy but I think it would depend on knowing the person better. I think some of it maybe depends on how the daughter responds also maybe how mature she is - he might have not noticed or thought about it being any different than a friendly pat to a toddler. On the other hand, I remember at around this age not liking being tickled by a male relative (not my dad) but not knowing until years later that he had made inappropriate gestures towards another female family member, so I was right to feel uneasy. The slap on the bottom as she walks past seems worse than the messing about.
I am not sure, definately could be seen either way when down in black and white with no other background.

harpsichordcarrier · 28/01/2006 22:04

yeeeees
OK maybe it might not be dodgy BUT
I would have hated it
it would have made me uncomfortable to see it
tbh it made me uncomfortable to read it

FrannyandZooey · 28/01/2006 22:11

I honestly have seen it done in a playful and loving way, so that I envied the close and trusting relationship the man had with his daughters. They shrieked with laughter and adored it.

But I don't think anyone watching that would have been prompted to ask Red's question, which makes me think perhaps it is a different kettle of fish altogether.

Rhubarb · 28/01/2006 22:15

If you are asking then you have a problem with it. How does your dd respond (I am presuming it is your dd we are talking about?). You could gently tell him that she is getting a bit old for that kind of thing now. With a much younger child it wouldn't be a problem, not to me anyway, but as she gets older I would question it's appropriateness.

QE2 · 28/01/2006 22:16

You know how you pick little kids up and hold them with their bum perched on your forearm - are you with me? Well, if you are, that's all perfectly normal, right?

Except when my ex-fil did it with my dd when she was very little, it always made me feel uncomfortable. He didn't hold her any differently to the way anyone else did, but it just gave me the creeps iyswim.

I would say, if it makes you feel uncomfortable, then trust your instincts. If something is telling you this isn't right, then it is possible it is not.

Original poster

RedZuleika · 28/01/2006 22:21

FrannyandZooey: how old were the girls when he was doing it?

I can see one doing it to a very small child (like Fannylover), but to a girl on the cusp of puberty seems rather inappropriate to me. I can see that it could carry on - but for a decade?? I was starting to get breasts / menstruate at that age - so I find it odd that one would consider that sort of intimate contact to still be ok.

The daughter may laugh - but if you've grown up with a certain type of behaviour, you may not think it inappropriate...? That's what an adult is supposed to judge.

OP posts:

Original poster

RedZuleika · 28/01/2006 22:23

It isn't my DD, by the way. She's only 3 and a half months.

OP posts:

starlover · 28/01/2006 22:24

but just because it may APPEAR inappropriate that doesn't mean the father is doing it and not thinking it is anything other than totally innocent.
and if the girl doesn't have a problem then that's fine too...

she'll soon let him know if she is uncomfortabnle with it...
i didn't hit puberty til i was almost 14... and as a 9/10 yr old was VERY chldish and didn't mind this kind of stuff at all

Rhubarb · 28/01/2006 22:24

That's when you step in and say that she is now pre-pubescent and pretty soon his behaviour might embarrass her or, horror of horrors, be seen as inappropriate! He'll probably be mortified as very often men think that their dd's stay little forever. Don't be too hard on him, he probably doesn't realise that his little girl is too old for this now.

Rhubarb · 28/01/2006 22:25

starlover, not every girl has the confidence to turn round and say "don't do that". More often than not they are too shy or embarrassed to say anything, which is why we, as women, should step in a little more often!

Angeliz · 28/01/2006 22:26

Yes, i think you must step in too. As a 10 year old i would have been mortified but as someone else said, for you to be asking, it obviously isn't right. I would stop it though as i think it's getting to an inapproriate age to do that in particular.

colditz · 28/01/2006 22:32

What an awful thing to have to say

I feel so sorry for men sometimes, it seems like they can't do anything right.

harpsichordcarrier · 28/01/2006 22:33

I agree, it is as likely as not that she would not have the confidence to say stop if she didn't like it
what do you thinkg RZ? would she?

Original poster

RedZuleika · 28/01/2006 22:36

No, I don't think so. I think she'd be tied in knots trying to work out how to avoid the situation, if she wanted it to stop.

OP posts:

Original poster

RedZuleika · 28/01/2006 22:37

After all, at that age you don't necessarily want to hurt your parents' feelings - even if you do think they're doing something inappropriate.

OP posts:

starlover · 28/01/2006 22:37

Really? i'd have told my dad... in my whiney voice lol

stop iiiiiiiiiiiiit

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