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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Need advice on various issues please - sex addict / medication / constant perceived criticism

87 replies

NomNomNom · 26/02/2012 17:54

H and I have been living separately for almost 2 years due to this .

During this time he has been having counselling, still is, and also on antipsychotics and antidepressants. I did counselling for just over a year, which was extremely helpful as I now feel quite good. We occasionally have one or two joint counselling sessions to iron out parenting issues which we can't agree on, and ways of talking to each other. I've had legal advice so know where I stand.

One revelation from the counselling has been that H was quite seriously abused during his childhood. This explains his secretiveness and sex addiction (see other thread).

Recently we have been getting on a bit better. However, one thing which we just can't get past is that H takes everything I say as a criticism. We have talked about this in joint counselling: the counsellor said that many things I say ARE criticism - fine, but why shouldn't I say when I don't like something he does? - but some situations are just so bizarre that I don't know how we can get past this.

For example, recently H and I were talking about childbirth and what an amazing feat it is for women. He thought I was saying he is less of a person than me because he can't give birth. Hmm Seriously. This has never even crossed my mind as it is a completely outlandish thought.

It is as though when I could be seen to be doing something well it takes away from his position - we can't both be great at different things, if I'm pleased with something I've managed to do, he sees it as a criticism of him for not doing the same thing. But this is not how I think at all, it doesn't even cross my mind to expect him to do everything that I do. Similarly, because of his reaction to every perceived (nonexistent!) slight I wonder if he sees me as deficient when I don't achieve things he does.

I don't know if this makes sense to anyone. Basically, sometimes I'd like it if he said nice things about difficult things I've managed to do, but whenever I bring this up, he completely overreacts, cries, gets angry, and misunderstands my viewpoint completely. The result of his reaction is that my feelings are completely disregarded (any conversation about how he hurts my feelings turns into one about how I'm hurting his feelings by mentioning my feelings!) and we never get anywhere. It's like he has some module missing in his mind or something!

The other thing I was wondering is whether anyone has ever successfully reconciled with a (former) sex addict. I am insisting on living separately for the foreseeable future (and beyond) because I really like it, but we more or less still have a relationship. I am still trying to decide whether I want to carry on or completely call it a day. Despite all of my counselling I still haven't come to a conclusion yet.

One issue is that he will have to decrease his medication soon, and I am seriously dreading it. It took 6 months for him to find a combination which worked for him, and during those months he frequently stormed off crying or in a rage, turned up late for contact with DD, behaved erratically and was generally awful to me. This obviously makes me worried about how to arrange contact when he changes his medication as any perceived limitation of his time with DD will be met with threats of legal action etc. But this time DD is a lot older so will be more distressed by crazy behaviour and non-responsiveness (he zones out a lot).

I know I should finally 'leave the bastard', but tbh, it's more complicated than that.

OP posts:
NomNomNom · 26/02/2012 21:15

Abitwobbly - so you get called abusive too?! I usually get called abusive when I have my own opinion on something.

What do I get out of our relationship?

  • We have been through a lot together
  • We know all about each other's families
  • I will never have to deal with in-law issues as his parents are completely out of the picture due to their abuse of him
  • He understands why I keep my family at arm's length - other people don't get it and find me weird because of this
  • He is very generous: I don't drive and he frequently gives me lifts, when I'm short of money he'll lend or even just give me some
  • I feel more comfortable with him than I can imagine feeling with any other person
  • We generally have the same approach to life in general, the same goal, we want the same sort of life etc.
  • He will take time off work to look after DD when I want to go to one-off work-related events
  • We have the same parenting views and he is always supportive of my methods and aims which some people would see as far too out-there

Basically, somehow, despite his often rubbish treatment of me, I still see us as a team that belongs together.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 26/02/2012 21:18

I know when I am beat

good luck, nom

NomNomNom · 26/02/2012 21:20

NettleTea - I do get your points, and I agree with you on everything, but in real life it's difficult to go with that. Because we have been quite close recently it is difficult to change that quickly. I usually spend less time with him when he starts being erratic/irrational again.

Sometimes the joint counselling is quite useful, and since the big discovery the counsellor has set him straight on a few things. She is very variable though, perhaps it's difficult for her to be consistent because we only go to see her every once in a while.

OP posts:
NomNomNom · 26/02/2012 21:22

Ta AnyFucker - I know you are right about most things you've said, it's just difficult, you know. Thanks though.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 26/02/2012 21:27

I know it's difficult, and I do wish you well

I think you are making a big mistake though, to let this man back into your life

PattiMayor · 26/02/2012 21:32

I'm a single parent and there is nothing in that list that persuades me you are better off with him in your life. Sorry, I know that's not what you want to hear but I'm afraid it's true. Lifts can be got from taxis/friends, childcare can be paid for, parenting validation can be found from connecting with people online (if your parenting is really that 'out there' but I find that hard to believe) and I totally understand why some of my friends have rejected their families.

I think you've constructed a Bonnie & Clyde scenario for yourselves where you two are the only people who 'get' one another and it's dangerous for you because you're spending so much time and energy on someone who actually doesn't really give a shit about you. Ditch the couples counselling - go and see someone for you. Your boundary issues are not being helped in the least by your joint counselling.

Abitwobblynow · 27/02/2012 06:24

AnyFucker: it is worse than selfishness! I am working on it. We do have 3 beautiful unbelievable children who will be writing very important exams; unlike him I am not the only person in my universe!

But thanks for the observations.

NomNom: there is your first challenge (to grow). Learn how to drive. Then think about courses.

How old are your children? Remember the old adage: how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.

Read also NoNoMyDoIt's thread. There are lots of people who understand about awful parents. They are the real problem (as to why you are stuck), not this man. He is just Act 2 of the pain. Work on yourself, and his pull will fade away. Promise.

NomNomNom · 27/02/2012 09:24

Patti - Im intrigued by your Bonnie & Clyde viewpoint, will keep thinking about it as it rings a bell.

Abitwobbly - I am going to take driving lessons as soon as I can afford it. I know my parents' treatment of me has caused me to be stuck in this relationship. Have been keeping up with NoNo's thread. However, in real life I have never met anyone who didn't distance themselves as soon as they found out I'm having only limited contact with my parents.
I have one DD who will be 3 soon.

OP posts:
NettleTea · 27/02/2012 10:40

What do I get out of our relationship?
We have been through a lot together.
YEP, thats called a past. And alot of it was very painful and harmful to you because of him. We all have a past, we have all 'been through alot' which generally means suffered through traumas. I 'went through a lot' with my ex husband. My current partner and I have a shared history which has lasted as long as with the ex. I know which life I would have preferred.

We know all about each other's families
As with any relationship. And, by your own admission, you dont have much to do with them. Alot of men have really nice parents. My pIL are wonderful and add so much to mine and my childrens lives. Why sell yourself short.

I will never have to deal with in-law issues as his parents are completely out of the picture due to their abuse of him
See above. This is not normal. Why use the gutter as your measure of acceptability for you and your DC

He understands why I keep my family at arm's length - other people don't get it and find me weird because of this
I think that most people, if faced with unreasonable behaviour, would understand your need to keep a distance between them. Especially if they cared for you and saw them treating you badly. Again, just because you had damaging parents, dont limit your future to others who have been damaged. not everyone else has, and certainly not to the extent that your partner has. And, as I said before, they dont take it out on you or behave in such a self centred way. My DP and I both have some issues that we discuss with each other, but we dont act out and hurt each other because of it.

He is very generous: I don't drive and he frequently gives me lifts, when I'm short of money he'll lend or even just give me some
Learn to drive. Is he supporting your DC? Most partnerships will help each other financially, and most marriages share all income/outgoings, so there shouldnt be any need for him to be 'giving' you money as all money is family money to be used as needed by both partners.

  • I feel more comfortable with him than I can imagine feeling with any other person
*Thats not true, is it. You havent been comfortable with him. You have been hurt, humilated, put down, angry, upset, gaslighted, made to feel inadeqate when with him, made to surpress your own feelings and cow-tow to his feelings at all times you are with him, and admitted that you feel stronger and better on your own. When you withdraw from him he cranks it all up and creates drama because he wants it to be 'all about him' and so he makes trouble to bring your attention back. And you fall for it every time.

We generally have the same approach to life in general, the same goal, we want the same sort of life etc.
See above. I would suggest that your approach and goals are only in line when you agree with him, and that maybe you have gone along with what he wants. are your goals and values based upon chasing men on the internet and masturbating furiously daily? When you achieve your goals or achieve things he doesnt appreciate or support it - "when I could be seen to be doing something well it takes away from his position - we can't both be great at different things, if I'm pleased with something I've managed to do, he sees it as a criticism of him for not doing the same thing." So, as long as you dont achieve or outshine him in any way, your goals are the same

He will take time off work to look after DD when I want to go to one-off work-related events
As would any partner. That is to be EXPECTED not viewed as a bonus. DP took time off work to help look after my DD (who is not his child) when I went to sit exams in London. We didnt even live together so he stayed at my house and ran her to school and came home early to collect her. Now we have DS he would expect to rearrange if I need to go away - 3 weeks ago I was away for 2 days and again he took them both to school and came home early for end of school.

We have the same parenting views and he is always supportive of my methods and aims which some people would see as far too out-there
So why are you having to go to councilling for parenting issues? And why will he only accept your point of view if it is backed up by someone else - doesnt show much demonstration of respecting your opinions or a co-parenting issue. sounds like he is using councilling to bully you into doing what he wants, but that it has backfired on occassion. I repeat YOU SHOULD NEVER GO TO COUNCILLING WITH AN ABUSIVE PARTNER

Basically, somehow, despite his often rubbish treatment of me, I still see us as a team that belongs together.
Its habit. He has destroyed your self worth so much that you are happy to settle for this substandard treatment
Look up codependancy.
Look up narcissistic personality disorder while you are at it get a copy of 'why does he do that' by Lundy Bancroft.
You have done the hardest bit by getting him out.

jjgirl · 27/02/2012 11:02

His calling your expression of how you feel as abusive is a sign to me that he is still deep in his addiction and can't see it. He is using this as a way to blame you for his addiction. It also helps him divert attention away from his real problem.

You have to instigate boundaries for yourself to stop his treatment of you. Let him go until he can admit he has problems and see that 'HE' needs to do something about it.

fiventhree · 27/02/2012 12:17

My h has had very definite sex addiction tendencies, which I detailed ad nauseam in late January in a thread of my own.

I do think that the term is helpful, tbh. It doesnt matter whether it exists as a condition or not- what is useful is to see it as a framework which explains a person, NOT to excuse them or allow them off the hook for their behaviours. It helps to see what background factors make a person behave as they do, and also how it has manifested itself and what the thinking is. Usual infidelity reasons are less helpful, although the feelings are the same.

For instance, I could not understand my h kept saying that 'it was not about sex, but about power and control, and no sexual feelings were involved', even though he was talking to young women about their sexual histories.

Also, most sex addicts have other addictions, and this was the first time I was able to see his workaholism and passionate interests in computer games etc etc, as addictive behaviour.

Also, it helps to think about co- addiction- so, OP, it does seem to me that your behaviour may still be, in that the relationship is all about you supporting him, and an over focus on making him feel ok, in order that you can feel safe yourself.

Abitw- the things you have written about criticism etc, could have been written about my relationship. Years of me raising issues, followed by tortuous conversations about whether he is wrong about something/selfish etc or not, or whether in fact I am just a critical and controlling person to raise issues (eg wanting some help in the house, family time, not wanting to be lied to, not to live with the outcomes of workaholism, etc,) you name it.

It got to a stage where even when my own best friends and family were disgusted by him, I still wondered whether I was half to blame, despite the fact that I had entered the relationship as a confident single parent of 29, with a mortgage and a good education and job. I did not appreciate at the time that I was not just attracted to his charm, wit, and slight wildness, but that I WANTED TO FIX HIM. Of course, it could not be done, unless he wanted it himself, as I found out the hard way.

Even at Relate, when he did finally after a month admit the infidelity, he tried to blame me initially for it, because I had been critical of him, which made him feel 'controlled'.

We are in early days, post October/early November reveal, but he has changed dramatically, so far at least. If I were the OP, I would not reenter a live in relationship with someone like this unless I could see real evidence of sustained change, particularly towards yourself. And abitw, it does seem concerning that after counselling and your h's individual therapy he is still behaving crappily. My h recognises that he always used withdrawing as a tactic and now he deoes not do it. After 20 plus years, he has had to struggle to learn this. It is the least that you should expect.

I went to a girls night out a year ago, and a woman was talking about her young daughters relationship, which was full of rows etc. She said she had told her, it should just not be this hard to be in a relationship. That really stuck with me. Work, yes, to sort out problems which do arise, but hard work most of the time? It just isnt worth it. If I got back there, I would be off.

NomNomNom · 28/02/2012 12:47

Five - I find it helpful too to think about his behaviour in terms of addiction as that helps me get away from the idea that he did what he did because I'm not attractive to him or not willing to have sex often enough (the former he denies vehemently, the latter is a viewpoint he still sometimes insists on now). He has been able to see the sex addiction as a replacement of other things he has done throughout his life. So now he has to watch himself carefully so he doesn't replace it with something else... Not sure this is even possible as he is not at all able to see his actions and impulses in a critical light.

I know I'm probably still too codependent and will do more reading on this as I usually find that helpful. Our relationship is all about making him feel ok, as conveniently stress/pressure is one of his triggers. Unfortunately the sex addiction started when he was looking after me a lot, and a few years before that I had a very depressive phase when our relationship was mostly focused on me, so I can't blame him too much that the situation is now reversed.

jjgirl - you're right, he definitely puts blame on me to deflect from his actual problems.

Nettle - what I meant by the families thing is that so many people have in law problems (just read all the threads on here), but I can avoid them, whereas if I got into a relationship with someone else they might have parents who are controlling or nasty towards my DD etc.

He is quite generous with maintenance for DD and sometimes helps me out on top of this. Our finances used to be joint, but haven't been since he moved out. He is quite irresponsible with money sometimes (another thing which he just will not learn), so I'm glad to have this arrangement.

If you put it like that, you have a point about not really being comfortable with him. That has definitely given me something to think about. I was thinking more along the lines of - when I have a second helping of pudding or eat a whole bag of crisps by myself while watching tv he won't judge me for it, I don't have to dress up or put makeup on before seeing him.

Ok, so we agree on most parenting issues, not all, and the ones we don't agree on are usually linked to other non-parenting issues.

The whole situation is so complicated that I can't put most things into words. I don't want to cut him out completely anymore (like I did until a couple of months ago), but I will hang on to my independence and try to increase it.

OP posts:
HotDAMNlifeisgood · 28/02/2012 13:07

my feelings are completely disregarded (any conversation about how he hurts my feelings turns into one about how I'm hurting his feelings by mentioning my feelings!) and we never get anywhere. It's like he has some module missing in his mind or something!

The module that is missing is the ability to empathise with others. The ability to claim responsibility for one's own actions.

It doesn't "grow back" in the people who are missing it: to do so, they would have to admit to a failing, and the very nature of their dysfunction means that that is the one thing they cannot do.

In sum, people like that don't change, and the only cure is to get the hell away from them.

fiventhree · 28/02/2012 15:39

I do think that you have a dilemma.

He is not a very supportive man, not really. When you did need support, and he gave it, it cost him so much that he ended up doing all this. Which was worse for you than no support in the first place.

You have left him. You dont really think he has changed a great deal. You still worry that if you get back together you will be the one providing the support and he will be the one taking it.

Is it possible that you are unwilling to let go of the man you want him to become?

I would say that since you are already separated (I didnt leave), then you need to write down for yourslef just a few clear things you need to see from him in a sustanied way if you are to get together again.

By the way, I would have left, had I not got my minimum wish list, after the big reveal. I took all the shit I was going to take during the previous 5 plus years of denial.

fiventhree · 28/02/2012 15:41

And dont, please, fool youself that it would be better for your child. My kids have been really really upset or affected by my h's behaviours, and they dont even know about most of it.

HoudiniHissy · 28/02/2012 19:15

Nettle said a lot of what I was thinking but HONESTLY NOM, the worst damage to your life right is being done BY YOU!!

You say you know you ought to leave the bastard, but it's not that simple... Ibeg to differ. the ONLY way you have of getting this person to look at himself and his actions is to TELL him to leave, get counselling on his own and come back when he's cured, and maybe you will listen to what he has to say.

He has done an almighty number on you love, really he has.

What do I get out of our relationship?
- We have been through a lot together - So what?... He has CAUSED 80% of your trouble so far. You would be happier without all this murk, gloom and unsavoury business. He's playing you like a violin, crying and ranting about himself. he won't change. He won't take any responsibility for what he has done, he is trying to shift all blame to you by picking on any comment you say and saying that you are attacking him.

NEWSFLASH: he is a sexual deviant, he has betrayed your trust, your family and is now trying to make YOU responsible for some of it. Your counsellor is a disgrace and ought to be calling him out on his behaviour and telling him to STFU and grow up tbh. You have every right to be critical of his behaviour. He NEEDS to face up to what he has done and your feelings of anger are justified. HIS are NOT.

- We know all about each other's families - yes and his are utterly fucked up and therefore SO IS HE. You will raise children with him that are f*cked up too. You don't NEED to put up with this broken individual. You will have to be constantly vigilant to make sure that his warped, screwed vision of women as wank fodder/paid sex toys is not projected onto them.

- I will never have to deal with in-law issues as his parents are completely out of the picture due to their abuse of him - you do know that people come on here to complain, but they are in the minority... most people are happy. happy people don't actually need to post. Most of them (happy people) may not (hushed tones) even need to be on MN...

- He understands why I keep my family at arm's length - other people don't get it and find me weird because of this - Nope they don't, NORMAL people would understand. Your H doesn't want the involvement.

- He is very generous: I don't drive and he frequently gives me lifts, when I'm short of money he'll lend or even just give me some - WHOOPIE doo _ NORMAL people, even NEIGHBOURS DO THIS. Your H also gave money to escorts too. Family money. That's not generous. That's betrayal.

- I feel more comfortable with him than I can imagine feeling with any other person - From here, you sound resigned and defeated. If you were that confident in your life, you would not be on here... sorry, but you wouldn't.

- We generally have the same approach to life in general, the same goal, we want the same sort of life etc. No you don't, you simply are allowing him to indulge his weakness, He wants to screw prostitutes, wank over the webcam. you are enabling his labelling as an addict (bollocks) and a punter of sex services. he is as low a human being as there can be.

- He will take time off work to look after DD when I want to go to one-off work-related events - so will ANY even half way decent father. NOT to do this would make any father feckless and a total waste of space. He is doing you NO favours in doing this, even a decent STEP-DAD would do this. REALLY.

- We have the same parenting views and he is always supportive of my methods and aims which some people would see as far too out-there- Bollocks. Most decent parenting ideas would be supported. TBH, I would be WORRIED to co-parent with someone from such a dysfunctional family, what the hell does he know about raising a child if he has been so badly abused.

NomNomNom · 28/02/2012 19:49

All good points. I'm sorry this is not a simple case of blah blah abuse blah / leave the bastard / ok, I've left the bastard / thread done.

Also I should clarify that he still insists he didn't actually meet escorts, only enquired. We had a big 'disclosure' managed by our counsellor quite recently during which I didn't learn much new stuff, but I can't keep worrying about whether he has or not, so I've decided that if he really has shagged around, he knows about it and that he's lying to me, so he has to deal with that.

OP posts:
HoudiniHissy · 28/02/2012 21:41

Oh FFS, why are you bothering with someone so warped? with such a damaged view of women? Why do you think you have to stay with this sub-standard man.

How many men 'enquire'? It's not normal FGS, it's not decent and what on earth does it say about this man that he is minimising it, and attempting to drag you into it by throwing tantrums, getting this truly rubbish counsellor to collude in his further attack on your self esteem by accusing you of being critical?

It IS that simple to realise that YOU deserve better than a man that is interested in paying for sex. That doesn't think it's the most disgusting thing to do on earth.

My Ex insists he didn't abuse me... bloody did. He disputes he hit me. Bloody did. He was and is a totally nasty person, that positively sought all manner of ways to try to destroy my life, but even he, sex mad lothario would never ever consider a prostitute, escort or enquiring.

You have to see that fundamentally this guy is lying to himself first, and to everyone else as a result. You reckon that he has a conscience? that it'd bother him that he lied to you? No, he'll pat himself on the back at the realisation that you bought it and he's getting away with it... AND the counsellor is coming down on his side too! Double whammy!

You need to STOP the counselling with him. You don't need the dastardly double act. You need to STOP taking responsibility for HIS life, HIS happiness, HIS mood. He's not taking any responsibility for any of it, why on earth should you?

You need to start putting YOURSELF and your family first.

DoMeDon · 28/02/2012 22:11

Years of sexual abuse as a child will totally eradicate any self-worth. I firmly belive that those who act the worst, feel the worst about themselves. He takes it all as criticism as he feels so utterly shit inside. The child in him needs love, unconditionally. The kind he was so horrifically deprived of. He doesn't feel good enough in any way shape or form.

You deserve things too. You need to put yorself first and work through your own issues until you are no longer attracted to people who need rescuing. staying together and splitting up carry their own challenges. Each is difficult in it's own way. There is a massive challenge in staying with someone so wounded and broken. Many people couldn't do it and nor would they even want to.

Hopefully he will get better from his counselling while you are getting better too and you will find a happy medium. If he doesn't get better you will feel good enough to realise you deseeve more and be able to detach with love.

NomNomNom · 05/03/2012 19:40

Thanks for your views everyone. Sorry for getting back to this thread so late, but I've had to mull things over a bit.

I think I started the thread when I felt like H and I were getting on quite well. At those times I often forget how it makes me feel when he's having an 'off' phase, which started a few days ago.

From one day to the next he suddenly texts less, responds only to half the things I say, and looks completely out of it when I see him in person. This has been going on since the discovery - he is ok sometimes (and these phases have become longer recently, he's been more involved, enthusiastic and proactive), then all of a sudden for no discernible reason he stops all the positive stuff, withdraws, makes sarcastic and aggressive comments or just totally ignores me. The weird thing is that he can say something dismissive to me or ignore a comment I've made and in the next second say something to DD with a big fake smile. It does my head in.

He sticks to his times for seeing DD very rigidly (except when he 'oversleeps', whatever that stands for!), but as soon as she's dropped off/I get home, he puts on this 'exhausted' act and says he's about to fall asleep so has to get home. Where he then manages to stay awake for another 2-4 hours, according to his accounts.

Whenever I try to ask him what's prompted this change in mood he puts it down to work (he works 9-5 but is expected to/feels guilty for not managing to stay late on a regular basis), but he always complains about work, so I don't think it's a sufficient explanation.

I haven't been able to find a pattern for these seemingly random mood changes, or a trigger of some sort, so was wondering if any if you have an idea. I should point out that I want to understand his moods better not for his sake, but rather so I can decide whether it's better for DD not to see him when he's in his negative/random mood. The only way I can think of it is as his 'psycho-face' mood - his expressions make me feel deeply uncomfortable and worried, he looks sort of switched off, like he's out of it or bored, but also like he's inwardly laughing about how little I know of what's really going on.It's difficult to describe, kind of brutish, if that makes any sense at all?!

He would deny that anything is going on of course, and for that reason he'd be extremely opposed to any schedule alteration for DD.

I really need to be able to deal with these weird mood changes.

In general (to respond to the gist of most posts) I am a lot better than I was. I try to stay 'authentic' and act not to please him but to feel good in myself. Sometimes this works, other times it doesn't. My emotional needs are not being met by him in the tiniest way, and I think this, rather than his original betrayal, will mean the end if our relationship eventually. Sad

It makes me so sad to read of other women's experiences of betrayal on MN, and while I'm sorry that they had to go through it, I also envy them for having husbands who try to win them back and show remorse. Mine doesn't do any of that. At all.

OP posts:
Bobits · 05/03/2012 21:14

I am so sorry you are feeling sad :(
Your situation sucks.
Am glad you are trying to feel better in yourself! A good start.

My ex was a 'porn addict' web cam bla bla bla... though not as bad as your experience - my view on your husbands 'zoning out' is only based on my personal experiences with my ex.

I think it is a more 'progressive' stage on his particular addiction. Its like in his head - the lights are on but no-one is home. I experienced this with my ex. Having a genuine addiction means a person mind is distracted with it to a larger extent than the next person i.e. I know guys think of sex alot but with a porn addict these thoughts can engulf them. It's a bit like roleplaying (not in the sexual way) In his head he is elsewhere, and with you 'in body' he is acting like he is there when he really isn't. Does that make sense?

This may not be accurate for your husband - he may just be a detatched person, but for my ex - he had a pattern, he could go about 5 days. Then he had to use. He would behave as you are describing your husband is behaving and would be fiddgety and unsettled until he had used.

If you think of a smoker (a straigh foward, physical addiction) a smoker can go X amount of hours without a cig, then whenever they get a craving, it distracts their mind, they think about it alot until two things happen - they give in to their addiction and have a smoke or they fight the craving and try to push through it which is bloody fucking hard hence why when people quit smoking they are irritable, snappy etc.

Hope this maybe helps.
Sending you strength xx

NomNomNom · 05/03/2012 21:32

Thank you. Sorry you had to go through this too.

Thanks for pointing out a possible addiction angle to the zoning out. It sounds silly, but I'd forgotten about the obsession aspect. I do wonder if that's where his mind is when he's so absent. He denies that he's looking at any type of porn whatsoever and I can't be bothered anymore to feel paranoid about it. He says sometimes it takes a lot of effort not to go back to it, so perhaps this is what it is? But he doesn't mention the difficulty at the time.

OP posts:
NettleTea · 05/03/2012 21:39

I think its part of the abusive nice and nasty cycle.
When he is being nice, you start to feel comfortable. You start to get a little bit of confidence back. Maybe you even stop thinking about HIM all the time (because dont forget, everything in this thread is ALL ABOUT HIM)
So he has to pull the rug out from underneath you and get you worrying about whats happened, whats gone wrong, what did you do, is there a pattern, etc etc etc ad infinitum

The only pattern is the cycle of abuse. the sooner you ignore it and get on with your own life, the better for your DD and yourself. He turns up for contact and sees his girl, thats good. That should be end of story. Stop allowing yourself to be dragged back into his self absorbed chaos. It will kill you.

NomNomNom · 05/03/2012 21:48

That is a possibility too, I suppose. I will think about whether he could be doing all of this deliberately.

Is it possible that the effect of his behaviour is abusive, but the behaviour itself is not intentional but rather the result of his mental health issues? (I know abusers clearly have mh issues, but I mean issues caused by his childhood abuse.)

OP posts:
SmilesThroughGrittedTeeth · 06/03/2012 05:12

Is it possible he has bipolar disorder? Doesn't make it any better as its just another label. But, a lot of what you are saying sounds like my H who DOES have bipolar disorder. The sudden swings from up to down and back, irresponsible spending (spending sprees), obsession with porn, just plain obsessions with anything, sudden sarcastic/aggressive comments, oversleeping, etc...

Also, mine cries criticism at me too and accuses me of abuse when I try to set boundaries. Of course that's a separate issue from the mental issues.

I don't feel comfortable going to counseling with him because he takes the opportunity to learn one of my fragile spots and how to push those buttons.

I'm with you in that I could sit around in the rattiest clothes I own and eat as much as I wanted while watching tv all day and he wouldn't judge at all. I do like that but I don't want to live like this always just so I can pig out and veg every now and then...

I wish I could say something to help you but I am with one of the other posters, I would like my own place too. I have thought though of fixing up our huge shed into a little cottage for me and living on the same property as him but just not in the same place and continue to carry on a relationship with him. That's my codependency talking. I know I would be better off without him but keep taking the worry about his future in my hands. I can't seem to get away from that.

I'm thankful we don't have kids together but he did affect my daughter negatively with his actions. She has anxiety from never knowing what his moods would be from one minute to the next and whether something she did would set him off or not.

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