Dh has been diagnosed with bi polar and is waiting to see the pyschiatrist to get correct meds etc , I have posted a few times about his depression and the effect it was having on us all ,
last night I came in from work all seemed well until ds started whinging a bit and dh started shouting at him which is a clear sign of dh having a bad turn , I could feel the stress building straightaway , I'm like pavlovs dog now and sign of a bad mood in dh and I feel ill anxious and panicky.
Anyway to top it off when I asked he was going up to bed he bit my head off told me to stop being so fucking snotty and I bit back , he told me to go fuck myself and I was being a prick yet again I have cried myself to sleep and can barely hold it together on the bus.This morning he was all cheery like nothing had happened and I can't take this jeykll and Hyde thing any longer.
I know people with bi polar have mood swings and when dh has one it is about as far away from the real him as you could get . But I feel bad saying this but I have had five years of this getting progresssibely worse and have been shouted at called all sorts of names and he contradicts himself all the time so i feel like my head is spinning .
I feel like saying to him , sometimes I fucking hate you and wish I had never clapped eyes
on you you selfish dickhead ,
but then I get back the man I fell in love with and love him so
much it hurts.
I want to be supportive of his bi polar treatment but at the minute I really want to run far far away from bills work and dh there is so much pressure on me I feel like I can't breathe, the only thing that keeps me from going is my beautiful ds and mymum left us and I could not do that to him.
Sorry for such a depressing and rambling post I needed to get it out.