I want to run away

[Mrswhiskerson]

Dh has been diagnosed with bi polar and is waiting to see the pyschiatrist to get correct meds etc , I have posted a few times about his depression and the effect it was having on us all ,
last night I came in from work all seemed well until ds started whinging a bit and dh started shouting at him which is a clear sign of dh having a bad turn , I could feel the stress building straightaway , I'm like pavlovs dog now and sign of a bad mood in dh and I feel ill anxious and panicky.

Anyway to top it off when I asked he was going up to bed he bit my head off told me to stop being so fucking snotty and I bit back , he told me to go fuck myself and I was being a prick yet again I have cried myself to sleep and can barely hold it together on the bus.This morning he was all cheery like nothing had happened and I can't take this jeykll and Hyde thing any longer.

I know people with bi polar have mood swings and when dh has one it is about as far away from the real him as you could get . But I feel bad saying this but I have had five years of this getting progresssibely worse and have been shouted at called all sorts of names and he contradicts himself all the time so i feel like my head is spinning .

I feel like saying to him , sometimes I fucking hate you and wish I had never clapped eyes
on you you selfish dickhead ,

but then I get back the man I fell in love with and love him so
much it hurts.
I want to be supportive of his bi polar treatment but at the minute I really want to run far far away from bills work and dh there is so much pressure on me I feel like I can't breathe, the only thing that keeps me from going is my beautiful ds and mymum left us and I could not do that to him.
Sorry for such a depressing and rambling post I needed to get it out.

I think this would probably be better in Relationships than on AIBU.

Living with a manic depressive can be very hard to cope with.

You poor thing. I would visit your own GP and ask about the support available for those caring for someone with mental illness. I am sure there are organisations and groups near you that will offer counselling, practical support and a place to meet with people in similar situations and get things off your chest.

I know it isn't the same thing at all but I suffered with PND very badly after DS was born and treated DH terribly. He was understanding and supportive but I know that it made him utterly miserable and he didn't want to come home after work because I'd fly off the handle at the smallest thing. No matter what the reason, being shouted at and called names and living treading on egg shells is awful. It's no bad thing to admit that and someone living in that situation needs support too.

It's good that your DH is getting the help he needs to manage his illness. Hopefully the medication should calm things down. The point that I would get really angry at would be if he stopped taking the medication or refused to see his GP.

I dont have any advice but just wanted to offer my support and admiration. This must be so difficult for you, I would maybe go and see your GP as AKMD said and see if you can get some support. Trained professionals struggle to get it right and you are lving it, so its going to take its toll. Your DH is a lucky man to have you, deep down, he knows this.

My partner has bipolar so I can totally identify with what you are saying.

First, if your DH takes his meds and sticks to them he will get a lot better. It can take a bit of time to get the right dose, but believe it or not bipolar is one of the most easily treatable mental illnesses. My DP is on lithium and is now very stable and normal. So as long as he takes meds prescribed and sticks to them things will become normal.

Secondly at the moment you are having a shit time. You need to find a way to cope with your feelings. Whether this is talking to people or doing physical things to deal with your emotions. I found posting on a message board - winds of change - very very helpful. It is for people with bipolar, their relatives and friends. I got a lot of support there.

i also found when things got too much going out through the front door and having a fast walk round the steeets really helped. Also I know your DH is ill, but you don't need to be perfect. Try not to worry if you do get angry with him - you are human with feelings too.

pm me if you want

Hello. We're going to move this thread to Relationships - we think that's a better place for it.