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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

'I'm not doing the school run'

400 replies

Quattrocento · 20/02/2012 22:44

Announced DH, ten minutes ago. Tuesdays are his day, and not mine. I take a deep breath, for I am booked on a 7am flight (which means check-in at 6am and getting up at 5am) which he knew all about, well in advance.

I ask him why. He tells me he does not have to explain himself. Which I think means that he has no good reason for not taking them. Before you ask, there is zero public transport, it's 8 miles away and too far to walk/cycle and all available lifts seem to be taking extended half-terms.

He is being a twat of the first order, and I have no idea why. I've booked a taxi for the DCs, so that problem is solved, despite it not being my problem to solve. But I am concerned about DH's general twattishness here.

So tell me why my husband is being a twat. I'd like to know.

OP posts:

Report

stealthsquiggle · 22/02/2012 14:36

joblot - it is the same in our house - 2 full time jobs, but I do the majority of house and child related logistics. It annoys me sometimes, but DH does do a lot of other stuff and, TBH, it has evolved that way because I am a bit of a control freak and would spend as much time checking up on DH as I do doing it myself .

Quattrocento · 22/02/2012 21:21

Well I am home and DH is the picture of unctuousness.

The phrase 'Are you cross dear' has actually crossed his lips

I may yet hit him. My next thread will be all about whether or not GBH is ever justified.

I don't think I will ever know why he behaved like a twat or when/if the next episode of twattishness may occur.

Is that just married life?

OP posts:

wem · 22/02/2012 21:30

Have you asked him why he was a twat?

shinyblackgrape · 22/02/2012 21:30

I've only been married for 5 months ( no dc mind you) and I can absolutely say that if that is married life I will be getting a divorce.

What did you reply when he asked you if you were cross?

shinyblackgrape · 22/02/2012 21:31

I would ask him exactly the two questions in your post. Seriously - do not let him squirm out of this. I'm appalled.

wem · 22/02/2012 21:38

I don't understand why, at the very beginning when he said, 'I don't have to explain myself', you didn't say, 'yes you do'.

NotYetEverything · 22/02/2012 21:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Quattrocento · 22/02/2012 21:41

I know, wem. I think it was just not having world enough and time. Picture the scene. It is late at night. You are packed because you have to get up early. There are still approximately 10,000 things to do. You can have a fight (which is clearly what your DH for some unknown reason wants to do) or you can just work around him and get on with things. WWYD?

OP posts:

CinnabarRed · 22/02/2012 21:43

Frankly? I'd have the fight.

Chubfuddler · 22/02/2012 21:44

I would have the fight. Because otherwise, having slapped you down into your place that time, he will do it again and again and again. My husband is a good man. But on occasion he can be a tosser. At which point I say "why are you being a tosser?" and he apologises.

Al0uise · 22/02/2012 21:44

He's goading you, he wants a reaction. Nasty behaviour. Hope you sort it out.

Chubfuddler · 22/02/2012 21:45

No this is not married life. It shouldn't be like this. Call him on it.

Quattrocento · 22/02/2012 21:45

You clearly have far more vim and vigour than I do ... Stuff just has to be done, doesn't it? If we have the fight that he is spoiling for, I just get less sleep. I reckon that swallowing the annoyance (and the support offered by venting on here) actually gained me both my sleep and my sanity. For the night, at least.

OP posts:

Themumsnot · 22/02/2012 21:47

When he said 'are you cross, dear' what did you say?
I am finding it hard to understand why you don't have it out with him. What have you got to gain by letting this slide?

EightiesChick · 22/02/2012 21:47

Quattro I do sympathise with the 'getting on with it' approach. Have to ask, though, what did you say when he asked 'are you cross, dear?' and how did he then react?

wem · 22/02/2012 21:48

I don't know. I think I'd probably have the fight, because it's such an unbelievably twattish thing to do I'd want to know what the fuck he was thinking.

Chubfuddler · 22/02/2012 21:48

You'd get a lot more sleep if you told him to behave like an adult human being or fuck off.

EverybodysSnowyEyed · 22/02/2012 21:49

I am really shocked by your DH's behaviour and by your calm reaction!

I would be petty and do the same re his laundry or dinner but that could just escalate

I think you need to find out why he is so threatened by your career.

wem · 22/02/2012 21:49

Sorry, slow and crossposted.

shinyblackgrape · 22/02/2012 21:50

quattro - I do agree that sometimes you do need to pick your battles as if you are getting up early etc you need some sleep.

However, that doesn't mean you abandon them. Why can't you say to him that you are very angry and you will require to discuss this.

Themumsnot · 22/02/2012 21:50

x-posted, but in your OP you said you would like to know why he is being a twat. So why not have the fight and find out? Is it really better to keep the peace and let him go on behaving like that?

mintchocchick · 22/02/2012 21:51

I can understand the wish to opt out of an argument to preserve sleep or get things done. I often do and find the discussion is much better when the emotion / sulking/ twattishness has gone because there is some hope that it will be acknowledged and apologies offered. If you go in during the heat of it, you just get unreasonable behaviour and it escalates.

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Doha · 22/02/2012 21:53

OP he wasn't letting you down this morning as much as probably hoped he was. He was letting his DC's down.
Remind him of that next time he decides to be a twat

mintchocchick · 22/02/2012 21:53

I'd always have to return to it as soon as I could see the emotion had gone. I couldn't drop an issue altogether without an explanation and apology.

tribpot · 22/02/2012 21:54

I'm sure that, if you decided to pull some random shit like this on him, he'd also think: ah well, probably best save the discussion/argument for a more convenient time and place, I'll just be getting on with things.

Right?

You could also have avoided the row by simply saying "so you're not doing the school run and you don't have to explain why. No problem. See ya!" - not least to find out what he would actually have done if left to his own devices.

You have two nearly-teens, don't you? This is the sort of shit a teenager would pull, I'm not sure allowing your DH to get away with it is the best example to provide for them.

I repeat: I understand why you did it, but I think it was a short term gain, long term pain of an option.

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