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Relationships

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Would you leave for this

99 replies

cathkidstonbag · 20/02/2012 21:47

Ive posted on here a few times before but I keep slogging on in the hope my marriage will get better. Over the last few weeks I have noticed that DH treats me with contempt. Like I'm stupid or unimportant. He's always done it but it's getting so much worse. There was an instant a couple of weeks ago where he ranted and raved how we hadn't had sex for months, I never made the initiative. When he finally let me talk I reminded him we had done it 3 times in 5 weeks (not a lot I know) all of those times I had initiated it and one of which at the time he said was absolutely fantastic. Hurt a lot that he had forgotten and didn't apologise for what he said.

He has been fairly vile to me this weekend, mainly because he had to "look after" our DCs while I was on a training course. I've just realised that while I was out he took the pile of papers I have on top of fridge (dc artwork, school certificates etc) and threw them away because they weren't important. I'm not allowed to have paperwork anywhere in this house. It's sterilely clean, as he wants it. That was my one little area. It was a neat pile above eye level. All their work from the last 6 months that I like to look at sometimes.

I feel like its the final straw but can I go because he threw away the picture my DD did on her first day at school. It's the fact it was unimportant to him. That I'm unimportant.

OP posts:
BelleDameSansMerci · 20/02/2012 21:49

I wouldn't leave but I might kick him out... It's not the one thing, though, is it?

cathkidstonbag · 20/02/2012 21:52

No. It's not the one thing. He asked me if I still love him. How can I love somebody who doesn't seem to care.

He used to be like this every now and then, then I'd get the big present and apology. Now I don't get either and it seems like its always like this.

OP posts:
ProcrastinateWildly · 20/02/2012 21:52

You can go because you're unhappy, for whatever reason. Him treating you with contempt is a pretty good reason though.

NotThemCrows · 20/02/2012 21:54

It doesn't have to be a big thing that becomes the final straw. I told my x he had to go because we had a disagreement over a laundry basket.
Drip, drip, drip ...ENOUGH!

lucidlady · 20/02/2012 21:54

Sometimes the final straw is all the justification you need. He sounds like a bully. Tell him you've had enough. Stay strong and take care of yourself. Sending you very unMN hugs cos I think you deserve them Smile

cathkidstonbag · 20/02/2012 21:55

When I said something to him at the weekend. He rolled his eyes at me and muttered whatever. That's not exactly a kind way to treat a DW is it?

OP posts:
BelleDameSansMerci · 20/02/2012 21:57

Not a lot of respect for you there...

SunnyMogsy · 20/02/2012 22:31

OMG you must have been heart-broken about the pictures. Did you get them out of the bin or was it too late? I agree with Belle.

cathkidstonbag · 20/02/2012 22:33

He put them out with the rubbish last night.

OP posts:
solidgoldbrass · 20/02/2012 22:34

He sounds horrible. Selfish, bullying and spiteful with it. He threw those pictures away deliberately in order to hurt you. He thinks he;s entitled to punish you, like you're a naughty dog or disobedient servant.

SunnyMogsy · 20/02/2012 22:39

He sounds like the one I left. He obvously doesn't think your opinion counts as anything, if he even thinks you have an opinion! Is it all bad? If the bad stuff outweighs the good stuff I'd be wondering if it was worth it.

cathkidstonbag · 20/02/2012 23:21

I don't think I can get past this. Amazing that all the things he has done in the past and this is the most upsetting. I think because it's to do with the DC and just shows how little he cares for them too.

OP posts:
izzyizin · 20/02/2012 23:40

Was the rubbish collected before you realised that he'd binned items that are precious to you and will be precious to your dc in the future?

He sounds a controlling and abusive twunt and if this is the latest in a saga of hateful and hurtfull behaviour, I wouldn't be able to get past it either.

He asked if you loved him? I hope you told him that it's not possible to love a man who shows such callous disregard for the feelings of his nearest and dearest.

AnyFucker · 20/02/2012 23:43

What he did with the pictures was horrible simply horrible

he hates you, doesn't he ?

he certainly wants to punish you and keep you in your place

a thousand cuts can end a relationship....this one sounds like you are getting very near to your limit

cathkidstonbag · 20/02/2012 23:47

He didn't tell me he had binned them until I looked there for something. Their letters to Father Xmas from this year were there :(

OP posts:
Tortington · 20/02/2012 23:52

that he binned them isn't the issue

it isn't the real issue

cathkidstonbag · 20/02/2012 23:53

I know it's not the real issue but I don't know what the real issue is anymore

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 20/02/2012 23:58

time to call it a day, methinks Sad

izzyizin · 21/02/2012 00:05

I reckon it's time for Mama to get a brand new bag, Cath..

He likes to live in a sterile environment? Let him go find one and I personally would encourage him to do so by trashing the place with suitable slogans writ large - tomato sauce, mayonnaise, mustard, anything edible in a squeezy bottle can make one damn fine mess which is remarkably easy to clean up.

colditz · 21/02/2012 00:06

Yes, you can. You have permission to leave him to his own spiteful, petty devices.

Conflugenglugen · 21/02/2012 00:10

It's the contempt, cathkidstonbag - and my sense that you are really asking for permission in a way - or, if not that, then perhaps reassurance that you're on the right track.

This can only be your decision, you know. But in my opinion, you're on the right track. In my opinion, you should end it. Go. Let him go. Be free to live your life on better terms.

AnyFucker · 21/02/2012 00:11

Send him to a sterile environment

I can think of a perfect one

cathkidstonbag · 21/02/2012 00:13

It's the age old thing of staying for the kids. I should have gone years ago when they were little. Now their world will be destroyed.

Why is it their things mean so little to him? Is it a man thing? Am I expecting too much for him to realise how big a deal this is?

OP posts:
Heleninahandcart · 21/02/2012 00:14

The real issue is that he is spiteful, controlling and metaphorically hit you where it hurts but where no one can see. He will now further dismiss your feelings about this and say 'It was just pictures', how very effective of him. Those pictures and letters are irreplaceable, meant something to you and that is why he specifically chose to throw them out. He punished you for non compliance over the weekend.

You wouldn't be kicking him out over just this, it usually only does take one last straw to realise it is not working.

AnyFucker · 21/02/2012 00:16

you would stay for the kids even though their accoutrements and physical, non-sterile presence is abhorred by him ?

that doesn't make sense, cath

staying for the kids in a dysfunctional family is never the right thing to do

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