feeling so low and lonely

[meandmypickle]

I've started a few threads recently and am 99% sure things can nevr work with me and h. I'm just feeling so lonely and sad atm, just missing chats and "normality" We're only speaking when necessary and it's all so sad
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1356000-Were-these-warning-signs
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1399104-If-it-werent-for-ds
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1395005-Huge-row-recovering-from-surgery

It sounds awful and i only read your OPs, not the whole threads, maybe it will be better if you were to leave him, id be scared of him tbh

Can i ask why you'd be scared?

from just reading two of your posts, he seems horribly manipulative and controlling - and i can't quite put my finger on it really, maybe becaue im tired, but its just a feeling. Are you scared of him?

Thanks Anters. I'm trying to look after myself, and of course my lovley ds. I've met up with friends a few times so haven't been lone all the time. Just feels so miserable in the evenings - him in one room and me in another (my choice but i jus dont want to be around him as he's hurt me so much)

Yes, desperate, i think he can be quite controlling. I do feel intimidated by him sometimes, and he knows this, but still does the things that intimdate me

I dont really have any advice - so sorry you are in this situation, it just screamed off the page that this man is a vile bully and im so sorry he has made you feel so low. He doesnt deserve you :-( one day he may realise that, but i suspect it will be too late - hold your head up you have done nothing wrong. Don't stay with him for the sake of your DS, it is so not the right thing to do - stay if he can change, if not, run to the hills becaue this man will drain your life away from you.

Thanks desperate. Just wondered what in paricular made you think he's a bully?

Why don't you just take the plunge M&M? I guarantee when you separate properly you will feel almost instantly so much better.

I'm scared i suppose

Of what specifically?

Strange to look back on now for me (left +2 years ago now) I was worried about DC (they were instantly happier and still are), missing him (didn't at all), coping (it was far easier), money (not now wealthy but can pay bills).

I can honestly say my only regret now is that I didn't go sooner and put myself through all that loneliness, misery, confidence-draining, waste of time.

Worried about the effect on ds, money (im a sahm), what happens when im ill, whether i'll regret it

Doesn't sound like you'll regret it. Can you get some advice on how to do it? What support - family/friends - do you have around?

Thanks Eighties. yes have had a bit of advice so far. No family around, a few friends

Effect on DS - how old? Children always have an uncomfortably acute radar for family tension/unhappiness. Lomg-term it can lead to them developing a nrgative view of life, low self-esteem and anxiety. OTH you can both be parents to your DS apart. If you are fair and plan access etc and keep DS as priority life can be better for DCs than before.

Money - best advice I think is to book an appointment with CAB and find out exactly how much you will have if you leave.

Illness - this one used to worry me too. But I do pretty much the same as always and depend on family/friends in a crisis.

Regrets - life is short. If you know in your heart of hearts that it won't get better then do you want to live the rest of your life like this? Having said that I do think it can take time for this sort of decision to work its way through you emotionally, even when intellectually you know full well you should go. Don't beat yourself up if you are not quite ready yet.

If you start to plan (I started buying small things like pots/pans for new house) then it feels like you are working towards going in stages that are more manageable ime.

Thanks :) DS is 5

Ah 5 is a lovely age.... and still very adaptable to change.

Would you consider moving back to be nearer to family?

Moving nearer wouldnt really help anyway so better to stay in same place to keep ds near friends

Family no good eh?

If you did go and DS is (presumably) at school would you consider getting a (part-time?) job?

This is going round and round in circles now... what do YOU want..

You keep asking what we all think, but ultimately it is YOUR choice.

Do you want to sort things out, or do you want to split up?

Living like this is not healthy for any of you.

I know sqeaky. Felt so low this evening needed to communicate somehow, sorry if i'm annoying you

Yes i do a small anount of work from home, but could hopefully expand on that, was even thinking about doing avon or similar

Don't worry about annoying people here!

I was exactly like you seem to be a few years ago - confused, regularly very very low... but still moving on seemed like an insurmountable hurdle to me.

What I want you to believe is that it really is possible to do it and then to thrive. You just have to start with tiny little steps - then keep going.

Erghhh... avon. I did that. Didn't make much money. It wasn't too bad in summer, but in the cold it's horrible plodding around.

You are NOT annoying me... frustrating .. but not annoying.. ;)

Come on.. you cant carry on like this. It isnt doing you any good at all. If the relationship is not what you want, then you have to end it. Nobody has to live in some sort of limbo.

None of us know you in real life, so it is only what you have posted that we can advise on, and no matter which one of you is "in the wrong", you are not happy.. and as I have learnt in life, the only way to resolve that is for you to take control.

Do you want to sort things out, continue the relationship, improve the relationship, stay together and be happy together?, or do you really feel that you have reached the end of the road, and want to end it? Only you can decide that.

I am sorry if I sound harsh, and I really dont mean to be, but I have seen people spending years in shit relationships, and its a waste.. it really is. We only have one life, so why spend it miserable and unhappy and wishing it were different, but not doing anything to change it?