feeling so low and lonely

[meandmypickle]

I've started a few threads recently and am 99% sure things can nevr work with me and h. I'm just feeling so lonely and sad atm, just missing chats and "normality" We're only speaking when necessary and it's all so sad
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1356000-Were-these-warning-signs
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1399104-If-it-werent-for-ds
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1395005-Huge-row-recovering-from-surgery

Thanks:) So scared of missing the good bits too though, and there are some. Been missing my back rub for the last few nights

Emotionally Roy Cropper on Corrie is slightly similar...

I was wondering whether he has a history of 'difficulties' in the workplace.

Written warnings are usually preceded by verbal warnings and, from what you've said, it sounds as if he's going to be 'under notice', so to speak, for the next two years.

Is this a final warning and is he subject to dismissal if he doesn't take steps to avoid any further cause for complaint about his behaviour?

Do his employers, or maybe his union, offer access to counselling services or training courses he can undertake to understand why his behaviour is perceived as being unacceptable by colleagues/clients/customers?

No not a final warning. His behaviour is probably being perceived as unreasonable becuase it is!! ie rude, inappropriate and lacking in empathy

It sounds as though there were lots of previous dicussions about his behaviour so has been going on quite a while

Would it be worth just putting the decision about leaving off until you are completely recovered from your op?

It sounds like you torment yourelf with the decision when perhaps you are just not ready at the moment to take such a decision and its consequences on.

Pickgo - think I'll torment myself whenever i finally decide.
There were some good bits to me and h being together but it's now been nearly 4 weeks of barely speaking. he's not said naymore about the work situation and don't imagine he will. What sort of a "marriage" is it with him keeping everythign to himself, lying, shouting, swearing, etc.
I'll miss the good bits though but I can never trust him

It's a marriage in name only, isn't it?

Surely you can see that the bad bits far outweigh any good bits and all of the counselling you've had has failed to stop the rot or bring about any improvement?

If you're worried about missing the occasional backrub which seems to have been the highlight of your 'good times', get yourself an electric massage pad or chair that you can luxuriate in whenever you choose

As for having nowhere to go, that's easily resolved. Either put the house on the market now and start searching for the two smaller properties that you've said can be funded by the sale, or move into rented accomodation for which you may be eligible for housing benefit until such time as a divorce settlement has been negotiated.

You chose to extend the deadline you had set for Christmas of last year and, unless you want to be in the same situation this coming Yule, there's no readily comprehensible reason for any further vacillating on your part.

Yes, you;re right Izzy - it is a marriage in name only :(
You're alos right about the deadline - I don't want to be in the same situation this xmas. If i got proceedngs started now it might all be over by then....

it almost seems like he's just waiting for me to divorce him - he's said nothing more about work, and i don;t he will. Not even an apology...
I cannot describe how much i dislike cooking for him, even more so as i'm still uncomfortable from the op whilst doing it

You do need to have the talk with him. But get legal advice first, prepare your finances, etc

And, can't you ask him to cook or get some ready meals?

Yes Lueji, you're right - i do need to talk to him.
he's not even mentioned anything about the work situation, since i told him i knew - not a single word

I went out with some friends last night and walking to the taxi suddenly missed h so much - i think becuase i was hurting from the op and friends were walking on at normal speed - so wished h had been next to me to hold my hand. The lonliness hurt so much. As soon as I got in, i cried and cried and felt pretty desperate and so completely alone. it was truly horrible

We are still only talkign when necessary and he's not made any attempt to talk about what happended at work, and i'm sure he won't.
Spoke to my counsellor yesterday too and she was really helpful

anyone there?

Hi

Cooking dinner.

Feeling lonely in your own marriage is one of the worst things.
You clearly have become dependent on him.
I suppose I felt it less because oh wouldn't go anywhere anyway, but I do miss having company sometimes.

Good on you for checking with a solicitor. Hopefully you'll be on your way away from him soon. :)

Why do you say I' dependant on him.
Guess i was just missing a bit of attention, and someone who understands re op. Although he's not asked me for over 3 weeks how i am - he would say its becuase im not talking to him

I suppose it is normal to miss the oh, but surely you have been out without him before.
Unless it was brought about by the impending separation.

And because he is not the only person in the world.

Anyway, you seem to be feeling stronger now, which is excellent.

yes, i go out without hi regularly. I think it was patly because i was in pain, partly the impending split and wishing things could have worked