why will i make up something like that?

[amdowntoearth]

A few months ago i posted here about my husbands behaviour and incidence that made me suspect he was abusing our girls but i just couldnt believe it.I was adviced to speak to THE P AND SS,which was difficult at first but after a few more incidences and speaking to a counsellers and solicitor i managed to tell them.He once told me on the phone after he moved out that he agreed to move out bcos he couldnt trust himself around the kids.(he denies it now saying i have no evidence).The P and the SS didnt do anything abt it due to lack of evidence.I felt let down by all these agencies so decided to deal with it myself.He can see kids with my supervision,this sunday we met him as usuall and my son wanted a loo so took him with the rest of the kids but he went mad bcos i should have let him take our son instead.He started calling me names and accused me of making things up.Why will i make things up?marrying him was a dream come true for me,loved him,nrver cheated,he had nothing but debt and my family adored him.Why will i want to be a single mum? I will not give up protecting the kids.I KNOW WHAT I SAW AND HE KNOW WHAT HE DID BUT I HAVE NO EVIDENCE SAD.

I'm glad you're back, OP, and glad you are sticking to your guns.

Don't back down, don't give up, definitely keep his hands off your kids.

Who cares what he says or what he calls you. You don't need to convince him (wouldn't work anyway). You just need to keep your children safe.

Can't believe SS weren't useful on this one. Maybe keep at them?

Any advice welcome

What did you see?

thanks HotDAMNlifeisgood.SS were not helpfull at all,i thought i could count on them.

How shocking that you're getting no help? Did you go to the police? Or does P stand for Police? How old are your dcs?

thanks CuriousMama,yes P is Police n i did go to them.

6,4 and 2

How horrendous. Do you have any support from family or friends?

ive told only one friend n shes been supportive but finding it hard to tell my family,i dont know how to tell them.

I'm sure you'll find a way. I hope the authorities take you seriously and soon.

hopefully

Write down what you know so you can refer to it when you start doubting yourself*. In 4 years the situation will probably be much the same and you don't want time and his words to change your memory and for you to drop your guard.

• Not getting at you or saying you're weak willed or anything like that, but tell anyone something enough times and they'll start to doubt themselves, and it does sound like you're in this for the long run.

thanks 21YrOldman, ur right sometimes i keep doubting myself.

hes been texting saying he was sorry for his behaviour on sunday but ive just ignored him.

Good. Keep on ignoring. Do NOT engage.

He is sorry for his behaviour sunday? It is a sort of admission, isnt it?

I think that telling a few people will give you the strength to stop doubting yourself, which is absolutely CRITICAL, not just desirable, in a situation like this. I also think you need some professional support, to help you through this.

It is disgraceful that social services are not helpful. I think it is harder re the police, they do need evidence to proceed, and obviously find it hard to access.

Are there any voluntary agencies? Ask ss for a list. eg I have just done a net search and found Mosac, www.mosac.org.uk. They say they provide support for non abusing parents and carers whose children are abused.

I sometimes wonder what the SS are there for if they ignore these cases. All the tax money going to pay for them to sit on their arses doing nothing. I feel for your OP but you have absolutely done the right thing. Dont let him be alone with the kids. Ever.

I sometimes wonder what the SS are there for if they ignore these cases. All the tax money going to pay for them to sit on their arses doing nothing.

They can't DO anything without evidence can they though? It'd be awful if someone lost their kids because a vengeful ex accused them of something they didn't do and the SS & P acted with no evidence.

(OP I am NOT suggesting you have made anything up, just making the point.)

thanks a lot ive been able to tell one more friend tday and she was supportive.planning to tell my sister soon.
FedUpOfTheBunfightsSeaCow,i understand what u mean but all i wanted from them was an assurance that the kids will be protected incase am not there.They told me to make a "will" and ive got appointement with a solicitor next week for that but i dnt know if that will be enough to protect them.

Good luck with telling your sister, if that goes well you stand a good chance if anything did happen to you that she'd take care of them. Best of luck xx

thanks FedUpOfTheBunfightsSeaCow,couldnt sleep last night just thinking about how she will take it.My family respect him and they will be in shock but i think is time for me to tell them.

I agree amdowntoearth. Have a good sit down chat/cry and hopefully you will have their support and care.

thanks mrscumberbatch,is just a nightmare.

Nothing to add other than good luck op, you're handling a very difficult situation really well.

he text to say please dont hate me for kids,but i just cant help it and i wish he doesnt even exist.