why will i make up something like that?

[amdowntoearth]

A few months ago i posted here about my husbands behaviour and incidence that made me suspect he was abusing our girls but i just couldnt believe it.I was adviced to speak to THE P AND SS,which was difficult at first but after a few more incidences and speaking to a counsellers and solicitor i managed to tell them.He once told me on the phone after he moved out that he agreed to move out bcos he couldnt trust himself around the kids.(he denies it now saying i have no evidence).The P and the SS didnt do anything abt it due to lack of evidence.I felt let down by all these agencies so decided to deal with it myself.He can see kids with my supervision,this sunday we met him as usuall and my son wanted a loo so took him with the rest of the kids but he went mad bcos i should have let him take our son instead.He started calling me names and accused me of making things up.Why will i make things up?marrying him was a dream come true for me,loved him,nrver cheated,he had nothing but debt and my family adored him.Why will i want to be a single mum? I will not give up protecting the kids.I KNOW WHAT I SAW AND HE KNOW WHAT HE DID BUT I HAVE NO EVIDENCE SAD.

i wanted to go to the police again but tday he just told me he plans to move away with his new girlfriend.I dont want it to look like i went to the police bcos am jealous,i want him gone and gone forever.(confused).

You MUST go back to the police today or at the earliest possible time and ask them what is going on with your complaint against your husband. You must also ring SS again and chase this up. Ask to speak to a social worker a.s.a.p and tell him/her everything that you have witnessed and suspected. Write this down on paper, too, and stop giving a flying fuck about whether this creep is staying, going, has a girlfriend or not. He has sexually abused your children and is a paedophile. Treat him like one!

Who cares if you look jealous! This is about justice for you and your dcs. Also this disgusting man needs punishing for what he did. Has his new gf got kids?

Put in a complaint to that independent police complaints dept.

i have no idea if shes got kids.

If he is moving on to more children you have a duty to report him and protect them

amdowntoearth, I think the support for you on this board will continue to wear very thin. Your story is not very convincing because so many bits of it do not add up, there is no sense of urgency from you, and so without a coherent account of the situation, people roll their eyes and move on to posts where the OP does at least indicate a willingness to listen.

If you suspect your children are being/have been abused in any way, then you need to give a coherent and consistent report to the police and social services. If you think you have already done this, then of course you must do it again.

If they think it is all in your head, and ignore you, then you have to ask yourself why your story is neither coherent or convincing.

Tiktok.maybe the police and ss are thinking same as you that's why nothing has been done.I don't know where I've gone wrong or what to do.It wasn't easy for me to go to police at first bcos I feared I would loose my kids.Like I said I will just protect them myself if my story doesn't add up.I wouldn't post here if I didn't need help.I blame myself for all this.I only went to police after he's moved out and after counselling. It wasn't that easy.Thanks to all of you who supported me.:(

Where have I gone Wrong?:(

The thing is unless there is hard evidence of an actual crime that has been commited the police will not do anything. That is from my experience. It also seems that because the OP's H no longer lives with them it is then even lower priority as the children are no longer at risk. You'd think there would be more done, but there really isn't.
Cases where its your word against theirs or where the 'action' could be explained away..just don't get prosecuted and there seems to be a huge spectrum of what could be explained away :(

Thanks.

"The thing is unless there is hard evidence of an actual crime that has been commited the police will not do anything."

This is, of course, untrue, in the case of abuse towards children.

The police normally investigate allegations - the investigation may or may not turn up the hard evidence.

Social services are legally obligated to take allegation seriously and to take things further.

Tiktot.in this case they didn't. U have no idea what am going true so if u do not bellieve it or have no advice why don't you leave me alone.Ur comments are making me upset.They did absolutely nothing.

OP, I believe you. You sound very concerned for your DCs and you are trying to keep them safe. It sounds like you are handling a difficult situation very well.

The tip upthread about writing it down is a good one, if you like writing. The memory can be selective and might stop you remembering properly in the future. Putting it all into a letter to your sister - even if you don't send it - could help you.

Ignore the unhelpful posts.

I am sorry that you haven't had the support from P and SS that you should have got. Speaking to Women's Aid could be helpful.

Thanks a lot am still writing things down and plan to question the police why they've done nothing tday.will let you know.

amdowntoearth - I don't mean to upset you, sorry :(

You need to ask yourself why the police, who would normally investigate, and social services, who would do, too, have not acted, and make sure your account of what happened is clear and 'hangs together'...writing it down in the order it happened would help you, I think, and take these notes with you when you see the police/SS again.

Just been to the police and they've told me the matter was referred to the ss due to lac of evidence and it was recorded as concerns with his behaviour but not a direct allegation and they cant just arrest him n is out off their hands so I need to contact ss again or go to family law court. :( The last time I spoke to ss they told me to speak a close family member who can take care of kid's if am not around or make a will but when I spoke to a solicitor he told me that alone can't protect them.I told the ss everything but they've done nothing.The only thing I can do is go to court and see how ivt goes.:(

Sounds to me that neither the police nor the ss have understood this is about abuse, so the suggestion to go to ss again is a good one - you can make it crystal clear this time.