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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

why will i make up something like that?

92 replies

amdowntoearth · 13/02/2012 09:43

A few months ago i posted here about my husbands behaviour and incidence that made me suspect he was abusing our girls but i just couldnt believe it.I was adviced to speak to THE P AND SS,which was difficult at first but after a few more incidences and speaking to a counsellers and solicitor i managed to tell them.He once told me on the phone after he moved out that he agreed to move out bcos he couldnt trust himself around the kids.(he denies it now saying i have no evidence).The P and the SS didnt do anything abt it due to lack of evidence.I felt let down by all these agencies so decided to deal with it myself.He can see kids with my supervision,this sunday we met him as usuall and my son wanted a loo so took him with the rest of the kids but he went mad bcos i should have let him take our son instead.He started calling me names and accused me of making things up.Why will i make things up?marrying him was a dream come true for me,loved him,nrver cheated,he had nothing but debt and my family adored him.Why will i want to be a single mum? I will not give up protecting the kids.I KNOW WHAT I SAW AND HE KNOW WHAT HE DID BUT I HAVE NO EVIDENCE SAD.

OP posts:
Original poster
amdowntoearth · 19/02/2012 14:23

ive been able to tell my brother this morning and i feel relief,he was in shock worried and just couldnt believe it,told him to tell the rest of the family and i know my phone will be going off everyday.At least they can protect the kids if am not around.I never thought i could tell them but thanks to mumsnet ive got the confidence to do it.thank you

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googietheegg · 20/02/2012 19:28

Well done you Smile

something2say · 20/02/2012 19:39

Can you go to your local children's centre? There are LOADS of profesional child care type professionals in there, get down there for some support for a start, and let the kids go to the things they have there and let the workers see the kids and see if they behave in any way that would suggest intervention is needed.

You are very brave to stand up for your babies, well done, keep going, and be very careful when he sees the children. Make sure they have trousers on and things like that.

swallowedAfly · 20/02/2012 19:41

hi. so sorry you're going through this. i searched to try and find your old thread for some background (to avoid having to ask questions about what happened) but can't find anything. have you namechanged?

Birdsgottafly · 20/02/2012 19:47

SS can act without evidence.

They should have done a full investigation and normally they will err on the side of caution and demand supervised access only.

If this did happen i can only imagine that it has been because of the age of the children that they haven't acted.

However at least this will be on file and it will decide in the future how his access will be given.

There are a surprising (for the general public) number of sex abuse claims that are never acted upon, though, even with evidence.

Original poster
amdowntoearth · 21/02/2012 12:32

thanks a lot.Something2say yes i did to cut story short.SwallowedAfly they do go to nursery a few hrs a week but i havent told them anything and they havent said anything to me,however they noticed some bruises which was one of my concerns and made a note of it.I just updated the contact details to exclude the dad, dont know how to tell them.Birdsgottafly i was told it will be investigated but never did.

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Original poster
amdowntoearth · 24/02/2012 18:30

Feeling very low .

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Original poster
amdowntoearth · 24/02/2012 18:32

:(

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LadyMedea · 24/02/2012 18:48

Sorry to hear your down downtoearth... have you got in touch with the NSPCC? They may be able to offer you some help and support.

Original poster
amdowntoearth · 24/02/2012 19:45

I've given up on all those agencies,those who are there to protect children couldn't help me.I feel like I have to do it myself but is not easy.I just cant sleep

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Original poster
amdowntoearth · 28/02/2012 13:44

Apparently a"will" can not protect the kids if am not around,gutted. :(

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Chrononaut · 28/02/2012 13:52

stick to your guns OP, your doing the right thing. have you tried talking to a solicitor to see what can be put in place? i have no idea about ss or anything to do with this sort of thing.

Lemonylemon · 28/02/2012 13:57

OP: Why don't you give Women's Aid a try? I know they're primarily for women leaving abusive relationships, but these circumstances would be linked.....

Original poster
amdowntoearth · 28/02/2012 14:06

Thanks .The solicitor advices to apply to court for injunction but it all comes to evidence isn't it?Women aid couldn't help me too.:(

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Lemonylemon · 28/02/2012 14:11

OK, can you google to find something else?

Kidscape? Would they be able to help?

Original poster
amdowntoearth · 28/02/2012 21:02

Will try thanks

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Original poster
amdowntoearth · 01/03/2012 18:57

I also found out there were a few incident that happened with his step sister and a family friend before I meet him but it was not reported to the police.I remember his uncle's wipe said to me"I hope u know what ur getting urself into".Now I know.

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Original poster
amdowntoearth · 06/03/2012 10:19

he wrote a letter to kids saying "i know i live far away but needed to move for reasons i cant say right now,i miss you all very much and will always be there for you...............".(hmm).I said to him why dont you tell them what you realy did,he replied i cant write it down incase you use it against me (shock).He is not stupid is he?

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thisisyesterday · 06/03/2012 10:24

have the children said that anything has happened? I am surprised that if you went to the police they didn't want someone to talk to the children?
I think they have people who are trained with children who kind of just talk to them while they are playing and stuff?

someone needs to take this seriously, I can't believe someone can abuse their children and no-one will do anything... how old are your children?

Original poster
amdowntoearth · 06/03/2012 12:53

Thnks Thisisyesterday the kids are 6,4 and 2.yes nobody is taken it seriously, I've spoken to most agencies who are meant to help in this situations but they couldn't help me.The solicitor I decently spoke to Made a comment "you can't just stop somebody from being a father.I don't know if is just me treated this way.I feel helpless and do not feel like talking to those agencies ever again.:(

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CheeseandPickledOnion · 06/03/2012 13:01

So you've reported sexual or physical abuse of your children to SS and the Police who both declined to investigate? Really? They didn't even examine your children?

Sounds fishy. Sorry, but it does.

Original poster
amdowntoearth · 06/03/2012 13:11

Yes Ive done everything in my power.everything

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curiousparent · 06/03/2012 13:13

Hi amdown really sorry to read all of this.

Have you been to GP or HV? I am in total shock that this sort of thing can be reported and not followed up? It is totally outrageous. Do you mind me asking if there is any reason they are giving as to why they refuse to follow it up?

thisisyesterday · 06/03/2012 13:19

I just can't believe that you have reported abuse to them and they haven't helped, it's awful :(

can you say exactly what has happened? I understand you may not want to go into details, but I'm finding it really difficult to really understand why SS and the police are refusing to get involved in this

Original poster
amdowntoearth · 06/03/2012 13:25

Is fishy isn't it?

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