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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

why will i make up something like that?

92 replies

amdowntoearth · 13/02/2012 09:43

A few months ago i posted here about my husbands behaviour and incidence that made me suspect he was abusing our girls but i just couldnt believe it.I was adviced to speak to THE P AND SS,which was difficult at first but after a few more incidences and speaking to a counsellers and solicitor i managed to tell them.He once told me on the phone after he moved out that he agreed to move out bcos he couldnt trust himself around the kids.(he denies it now saying i have no evidence).The P and the SS didnt do anything abt it due to lack of evidence.I felt let down by all these agencies so decided to deal with it myself.He can see kids with my supervision,this sunday we met him as usuall and my son wanted a loo so took him with the rest of the kids but he went mad bcos i should have let him take our son instead.He started calling me names and accused me of making things up.Why will i make things up?marrying him was a dream come true for me,loved him,nrver cheated,he had nothing but debt and my family adored him.Why will i want to be a single mum? I will not give up protecting the kids.I KNOW WHAT I SAW AND HE KNOW WHAT HE DID BUT I HAVE NO EVIDENCE SAD.

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 06/03/2012 13:32

so when you spoke to the police what did they say?

PissesGlitter · 06/03/2012 13:55

im sorry but i find it hard to believe that the police and SS did nothing
not even an investigation??

Original poster
amdowntoearth · 06/03/2012 14:07

Yes they've done absolutely nothing.

OP posts:
feedbackforfree · 06/03/2012 14:09

This is the second time I have written this today and what a reflection of society it is.

My daugher is a specialist trained sexual offences police officer. She says that any allegation about child abuse would kick off a process that involves social services and other agencies. Risk assessments would be carried out as they would need to ensure the children are safe and free from harm and the system would basically take over. The alleged abuser would be arrested pending an investigation. Of this she says there would be no question.

If you have reported this to the police, they have not handled this in accordance with laid down procedures set up to protect children. The officer in charge of taking your allegation would more than likely be discplined and an internal investigation carried out to identify why the system failed a vulnerable and abused child(ren).

thisisyesterday · 06/03/2012 14:10

when you spoke to the police what did they say?

Original poster
amdowntoearth · 06/03/2012 15:08

Thanks.The police told me it will be pass on to social services and social services told me the dad is not living with them and there's no evidence. So couldn't help.

OP posts:
feedbackforfree · 06/03/2012 15:16

You witnessed it. That's evidence. Did they take a statement from you and have they interviewed the "father"?

thisisyesterday · 06/03/2012 15:39

ok, so do you know that something happened?

what I mean is, do you just suspect, from his behaviour or whatever, that soemthing was happening? or do you have anything more concrete?

have your children said/done things that back up what you think?

i only ask because the only reason i can imaginet aht SS would do nothing is if this was just something you suspect but can in no way prove? I have no idea really as thankfully no direct experience of this, but it sounds really stressful and worrying for you OP.

Original poster
amdowntoearth · 06/03/2012 16:16

Well at first I suspected it but then witnessed an incidence which proved it.he admitted doing it and denied it later on.Eg walked on him naked in kids room n bruises all over the 4yrs thighs,her nappy was changed but she was dry.Six year old telling me"daddy did that to my sister and she was crying (shock).

OP posts:
Original poster
amdowntoearth · 06/03/2012 16:39

He was abusive to me too which he admitted in an email and I gave a copy to the police but I was more concerned with the kids invade am not around they will be protected from him.

OP posts:
CheeseandPickledOnion · 06/03/2012 16:40

So you have physical evidence, verbal evidence from your 6 year old and SS declined to investigate?

:sniff: Tuna or salmon?

Original poster
amdowntoearth · 06/03/2012 16:41

Incase

OP posts:
Original poster
amdowntoearth · 06/03/2012 16:55

Exactly. I wonder why.

OP posts:
Original poster
amdowntoearth · 06/03/2012 16:58

(Angry)

OP posts:
ButteryBiscuitBase · 06/03/2012 17:32

Oh my god this has made me feel sick to the stomach. You MUST go back to the police and ss and keep going back and demand to speak to higher up until something is done. He is a sick pervert and needs locking up. Make a complaint about SS and the police.

Original poster
amdowntoearth · 06/03/2012 17:54

Thanks Butterybiscuitebase I can't sleep thinking abt it,he is out there and could do it to any child.

OP posts:
ButteryBiscuitBase · 06/03/2012 18:27

Yeah u must be going through hell I hope you are getting support and can u arrange for some counselling for your kids, they will need specialist care to recover from such a trauma as will you. It sounds drastic but can you move away and cut off from him completely? Would a charity be able to help?
In cases like this why isn't the child believed everytime? Surely its more damaging and risky for an allegation not to be taken seriously than it would be to an adult who is falsely accused?

Original poster
amdowntoearth · 06/03/2012 19:24

I had counseling and it's realty helped me to talk about this to friends and family who are supporting me and I've thought about moving too.I just need to prepare for that.I will do anything to protect them.

OP posts:
ohdearwhatdoidonow · 07/03/2012 09:30

Something is missing here! Not sure what I believe, and I'm normally a very trusting person. I find it very difficult to believe SS/Police are disinterested. Have you been to the hospital, GP etc, and a 4yr old in a nappy? How come?

Original poster
amdowntoearth · 07/03/2012 10:40

not being to gps but she was admitted to hospital one time and i pointed out one sign to the doctor but she said it was normal(confused).It just makes me feel low when they ignore me so i will just continue to protect them myself.Believe it or not ive done everything.

OP posts:
PissesGlitter · 07/03/2012 10:45

but you havent done everything have you

you need to get back to the police and SS , keep badgering them (daily if you need to) until someone believes you and does something about it

if it was me and my kids i would live in the police station until they done something

Original poster
amdowntoearth · 07/03/2012 11:15

thanks a lot i think i have to go to the police again.

OP posts:
PissesGlitter · 07/03/2012 11:20

yes you do

and keep going until they take it seriously

ButteryBiscuitBase · 07/03/2012 12:42

I agree with glitter such a serious incident needs dealing with. Now you have told your brother maybe he could get on the case too? Even if he never sees your dcs again what if he meets a vulnerable single mum as these kind of monsters do. Forget he is their dad he gave up every right to be their dad when he did such a vile thing. See him as the repulsive sick monster he is and do what you can to get him locked up.

He will definately get his comeuppance in jail.

Original poster
amdowntoearth · 08/03/2012 07:37

The fact that they didn't even question him has even given him the power to denied it .am so angry.

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