Ways to stop this manipulative cow please

[gwendie]

I really don't know the best way to handle this.

Do I ignore it all though she is affecting my life, or do I fight back?

The woman is distant family. Someone I will always be linked to and who will always hear about what me and my family are up to. That's something I don't have any control over unless I cut off contact with my entire family, obviously not an option.

The problem lies in the fact that she receives information via family convos and then tries to sabotage things. Here are some examples

We were due to exchange on a house and she masqueraded as another potential buyer, and 'gazumped' us. It came to nothing when she didn't follow through but was very stressful and expensive for us.

I run a business in catering - she is in the same industry. She spread the word to every foodie she met professionally, that she was the brains and mentor to me throughout and completely discredited me to my peers. She had NOTHING to do with my business.

She called my son's school that he is due to start next year, and told them we were really unsure about the school - not a good impression to give a fee paying school before you have even started there! Her daughter is already a pupil there so she has perhaps gained some credibility for being a current parent?? The registrar alluded to the conversation but wouldn't give details and I didn't want to push as I would then seem like the crazy one.

As I put these things on paper it feels petty and hardly worth worrying about, but I AM affected by all this. Mostly by the fear of what she will do next.

Over the years I have confronted her but it simply makes things worse - she gets verbally aggressive and I fear she will think up more schemes to try and hurt me. The fallout from confronting her is always bad - she has managed to turn other family against me - albeit very temporarily - but it's a horrible negative experience I don't want a repeat of.

How do I stop her, really, once and for all?

I really wouldn't send your child to this school.

I wouldn't recommend putting yourself in the position where you need to see her twice a day in the playground for eight years. Don't underestimate the amount of s*&%-stirring and trouble-making she could do to you and your child. If your post is anything to go by; it could make you very unhappy-don't deliberately put yourself in her path.

I imagine the school will probably have the measure of her already. If you are thinking of sending your child there then definitely go and speak to them, be candid with them and then there is clarity. They can make a decision with all the info or at least throw a bit of uncertainty over her claims, whatever they may be. However, I would normally say live your life and don't let her interfere with your decisions, in this case there is no way I would send my child to the same school, you are setting yourself up for all kinds of situations she can control, groups of parents/ teachers/ children... It would be your worst nightmare

Just to add-if you count her as 'distant family' now and she's causing you this much grief; having the same school as a 'shared experience' will mean she won't be very distant!

I think I've hammered that point home now...!

you might want to read The Sociopath Next Door. think authors name is Martha Stout. will give you insight into the relentless manipulative malice.

OP, I wish you hadn't deleted your posts.

Do you know for certain that she gazumped you?

As for the school, I think you need to pay them a visit and explain the situation. How dare they listen to her talk about your family anyway? In your position I would send my child to that school, but would want the school to understand what confidentiality means. Your son wouldn't be in the same school year as her child, would he?

Re-reading all of this, I think I would be speaking to a solicitor about her actions. She seems like a stalker to me.

I am suffering like this too, the person in question has told people I am impersonating/stealing identity of my cousin to do goodness know what and she has gathered ie falsified evidence that she is giving to the police.

I rang the police and they just said it was family gossip I can`t eat or sleep due to this !. She also lied to S/S about a family member, she reported my son to the police for stealing ( items I had bought him that were at his grandmothers house)

She sent threatening messages to me (via her husband) he is a scary bully too.

She stole items of mine from my mothers house on the pretence she was looking for keys. My possessions did walk about. She is banned from contacting that was all the police did via the threats so she is trying other ways to get to me.

So sorry you are dealing with this OP, v. difficult situation. Psychopaths (manipulative, no conscience) are notoriously hard to deal with. I had an experience with a female psychopath at work. Some people knew she was bad news but were frightened to stand up to her. (I did and paid the price).

IME confrontation tends to be useless. In fact can cause them to "up the stakes". You may need to change schools, move, or change family dynamics - I have no specific advice to give, sadly, except to do your best to cut her out of your life as completely as possible.

Time for you to get a new patio. You know what to do OP