OP, if it was not for my DS I would never have contact with my ExH.
But I do. And although I lost everything when I left him, it was the best decision I have ever made. I loved him. He was good as long as things were done his way. But life and relationships cannot be conducted in such a way.
I left because it became harder and harder. I too was hospitalized and had an operation. He was not supportive. It was all about him. His fear, his needs, what he wanted. It was never about me or our family.
As time went on, his demands became greater and greater, it became increasingly obvious that we would never be a priority to him. I stopped loving him, but I didn't leave because I had hope. Eventually reality kicked in. Strangers were more considerate than he was. If I had a lodger instead of a husband, I would have had more support. Actually, if I were on my own I would have had more support.
Each day I was with him part of me was being crushed. I had to leave while there was still enough of me left. So I did. But there wasn't much of me left. Just enough to keep breathing and keep DS clean, fed and loved.
4 years later and I am me again. DS is thriving. It hasn't been easy, but it's easier than dying bit by bit everyday. We are happy. I am now in the third year of my degree. I mean fuck me pink, I never thought myself capable of such a thing, but I've done it. DS loves his dad and they still have contact. It has not been easy but it has been possible.
I will not tell you to leave him, but I will say that I am glad that I left him. DS and I can BE without fear.
And still eat, are warm and have a roof over our head.