DP wants to buy food seperately

[NotTheBlinkingGruffaloAgain]

Me and DP have lived together for 2 years but for the first year and a half we lived in a commune with 30 other people with a cooking rota.
Now we live in a cottage together (since last September) he is really annoying me, he wants us to buy our own food and do our own shopping.
But when I come home from work I find that he has been eating my food so I go to get breakfast and its gone.
It really pisses me off that he refuses to shop with me but when I'm out, he eats all my (good quality) food.
What can I do?
Tonight we got into a silly argument, I said look I want to start shopping together for food and he got angry saying you eat my pea nut butter and my bread, so petty ad juvenile. But I'm starting to resent him eating my food whilst refusing to pay for any of it AHHH help!

Re-read the thread, OP! He has not magically changed overnight.

If you intend to stay with this loser now, tell him you will buy your own fridge with a key lock, as eggs wont need to be in the fridge. Tomatoes on the other hand do. And as he wants separate food, you should have a fridge each, with a key.

I dont actually believe you, that you are considering staying with him.

I believe it.

And I could weep.

Well, it is her life. I will offer her the proverbial un-refrigerated

Good Luck op.

OP is not insane, it takes a while to wake up from the deep trance induced by long-term abuse. I know, I am divorcing a cock-lodger myself, for so long I believed in him and thought he would eventuallly fulfil his potential...

OP, if you stay, who is going to do the garden and allotment?

This isn't actually true, is it?

If you have a child with a man like this, your life will be awful. For god's sake woman, can you not see him for what he is - a boy-man playing at being an adult. You have had so much good advice on this thread - take it! I think you must have a very low self esteem to be accepting of this relationship (and I don't mean that in a cruel way - I was exactly in your position in my twenties). Seriously, get out while the nice young men are still untaken!

I think deep down, you know you are not going to be happy with him long term. The food thing is a symptom of behaviour you can't tolerate because it makes you unhappy, nags away at the back of your mind and you know that actually, at 47, he's not going to change.
That would make me sad to realise i was living like that.
You actually don't have to pack your bags and leave tonight - nor does he - you'll still be 27 next week.
But, you have to think practically about what you do want to do, where YOU want to be, and "be with him" doesn't sound like it would be your honest answer.
Think about it. You don't have to leave him today, just to make all of us happy! Though there might be words if you're still there next month....

Have you got real life support to talk to? Parents? You sound brain washed and scarily naive.

You. Are. Wasting. Precious. Time. That. You. Will. NEVER. Get. Back.

You WILL split up, you're clearly too intelligent and normal not to, just please - take the advice of EVERYONE on here and make it sooner rather than later. Don't be kicking yourself in three years time at the thought of a lovely chunk of your youth disappearing up the eggy bum of Mr. Special.

You're losing your pizazz, you're not living life to the full. That's what happens when you're tied to a drainer like this. He's middle aged - he's not going to change. Don't let his loudly-proclaimed 'alternative' image deceive you - he's dull, narrow-minded, he doesn't have enough love of life or fun in him to be generous hearted. He's selfish, boring, a taker... Grim grim grim.

Get out there and find your man - this isn't him!!

Blimey, what a thread.

Can I just say? Some people do share their life very happily with another adult and yet buy their own food.

I don't get why this is such a taboo. DP and I eat at different times, and mostly prefer different meals. Doesn't mean we don't love each other or that we're stuck in eternal student-dom.

I committed to the man, not to his preferred diet. I have friends who feel the same way - why should we be expected to pay half of a food bill that is 85% made up of his choices? My DP eats meat, pies etc - I don't. He is an adult and can buy his own sirloin - unless I should buy it to show my maturity and commitment to him??

MASSIVE WAIVER: none of this applies to OP/ Monk/ peanut butter situation, obviously.

He knows he is on an insanely good ticket with you, and that he is punching well above his weight.
He also senses danger from your changed attitude.
So he is being as nice as pie, and will probably continue to be, until you're back where you were yesterday, in the zone.
Then he will slowly but surely turn into FoodNazi again.

And you will come back on here, and everyone will tell you that the relationship is so one-sided it's not even funny (remind me what you're getting out of this again?).
Your attitude towards him will change.
He will sense the danger and be nice as pie until you're back in the zone.
Then he will slowly but surely turn into FoodNazi again.

And so on, and so forth, until you leave or his eggy arse explodes, whichever is first.

Don't be fooled. He is still FoodNazi. Just a smiley FoodNazi. Do you really want to live like this?

OP: you don't have to share everything, but a partner who doesn't help ensure that the home supplies are always there (even if that's just by pointing out that there's no more bread) and provides a fair proportion of food and bill costs (not necessarily equal, can depend on consumption or income) is using you.

If he is as lovely as your latest post suggests, tell him that you don't think the current situation is fair, and that you want to set up a way of paying for household basics fairly. This can be alternating paying or him giving you money every week if you do all the shopping.

Whatever you do don't set up a joint bank account with someone who has debt problems though!

I say this as someone who spent most of yesterday in a grouch due to discovering DH had moved us onto the last butter and then finished it off so I couldn't butter my tea loaf. But everyone has these moments. The important thing is that when he got home he'd done a quick shop on the way and we had butter again. He didn't just leave the situation...

Gah - he has obviously realised he is in danger of losing you so he's being super-nice to reel you back in.

Let him buy the fucking fridge and then kick him out. Come on OP, wake up here.

Morris, that is all very well, as long as ONE of the couple is not trying to be controlling over food, and is refusing to buy certain things but eat all of his partners food, then denies it and says it is no big deal because she now and then has some peanut butter! He is saving an insane amount of money on only buying eggs, but eating her crumpets, her tomatoes, so she needs to go buy more.

just

Perhaps it would be wise to enlighten ourselves through some Buddhist wisdom;

Flattering words are but peanut butter honey-coated poison
Constant dripping wears away the stone
There is no glory for a lazy person however good looking or a bit past it
Everyone may be a fool but nobody is a fool forever let's hope so
Twatbadgers don't change their spots I think this maybe a Mumsnet one

If I never find out the answer to the peanut question I may explode. Or at the very least, wake up in the middle of the night a few years from now thinking "Did she or did she not swipe his peanut butter?" It's cruel to leave someone hanging like this with half a story.

OK, maybe I am morbidly a teeny bit obsessed. Not with peanut butter as such, you understand, but the unsolved mystery. Agatha Christie where art thou?

Oh gawd OP, I was you at 27 OP. Wasting my life with someone who wasn't worth it. I had NO self-esteem.
Fast forward 15 years (!) and two crappy (one abusive) relationship later, I dumped the abuser and am happy. It took FAR too long.

You are 27 fgs. He is a useless cocklodger. It doesn't count when the nicey-nicey behaviour only comes AFTER the kick up the arse. Not in this sort of relationship with this sort of loser.
I want to weep.

He sounds immoral. Owing rent to the Buddhists and not caring if he pays or not. Living off your food by telling lies about what he eats. This man will make your life so small because you will always be limited by his debts and attitude towards money and you won't be able to have nice friends because other people with morals and standards won't be able to bear him.

If you have children with him he will be a dreadful parent, you will end up doing all the work, paying for everything and probably have an unhappy child because of the resentment and tensions in the house. Do not expect he will be able to 'parent' or love unconditionally - people like this cannot, they are too selfish.

Why are you limiting yourself in this way? Why do you think this is good or normal behaviour and why do you accept it?

Gruff You'll be sorry in future years when there's a thread on here.

'AIBU to send my child to Tesco/Sainsbury with it's Child Benefit to do it's own shopping"

This is not a man to spend your life with. WAKE UP and smell the TOMATOES.

Notthe

If your self worth was not already through the floor when you met, it sure is now. Why have you allowed yourself to let this happen to you?.

What happened in your early life to accept this kind of abusive treatment from the cocklodger you've now lumbered yourself with?.

What did you learn about relationships when growing up; again I reiterate that he is NOT your project to try and rescue and or save here.

When I hear things like this in a relationship with a huge age gap alarm bells go off. I don't know why.

Find yourself someone else OP, so far it reads like a shit teen story.

Yes Pathan!!!

OP you are kissing a frog... Wake up and SNIFF THE PRINCE!!

So you buy your own food and now you are going halves on buying a fridge. This really sounds like sharing a house with a friend rather than being a partnership.