DP wants to buy food seperately

[NotTheBlinkingGruffaloAgain]

Me and DP have lived together for 2 years but for the first year and a half we lived in a commune with 30 other people with a cooking rota.
Now we live in a cottage together (since last September) he is really annoying me, he wants us to buy our own food and do our own shopping.
But when I come home from work I find that he has been eating my food so I go to get breakfast and its gone.
It really pisses me off that he refuses to shop with me but when I'm out, he eats all my (good quality) food.
What can I do?
Tonight we got into a silly argument, I said look I want to start shopping together for food and he got angry saying you eat my pea nut butter and my bread, so petty ad juvenile. But I'm starting to resent him eating my food whilst refusing to pay for any of it AHHH help!

He only needs one knife to cut his steak. Maybe another to carve through his eggs, unless he's a scrambled/boiled/poached man in which case five spoons would have been more useful. Did he buy the breakfast bar instead of the fridge??

Of course you can't just run for the hills, OP - way too abrupt and gut-wrenching. But mentally, you're sidling towards the sunlit uplands. The pace will inevitably pick up. And once you're up there, looking back down, you will feel the most enormous relief.

For a long time the relationship suited you. You've changed, though, and he hasn't. And won't. It's just what can happen, especially with such a big age gap, and when you're still doing so much evolving.

You'll think you want to keep Señor Man-child as a friend and maybe you will. As time passes, though, I bet you realiise how increasingly you had little in common bar shared experiences. That's fine after 25 years and three children together. Not when you're bubbling over with plans and ambitions. You don't need a ball and chain, even one with a lovely Spanish accent.

Hellto, another poster encouraged Gruff to start looking at him "through our eyes". I think that's fair enough :)

I'm liking your sunlit uplands, Frisky!

Can I get a bus there???

Again thank you to you all for the generous giving of your time and wisdom.
I have just had a massively long chat with him about everything discussed on here and other things too, like the fact that 2 years in a row we haven't been on holiday because he leaves paying for it up to the last minute by which time there's always something to pay for.

I told him I'm sick of being disappointed by having bad sex, of you never thinking of me and what I may need.

He sat there silently, whilst I told him again and again all of the vast amount of things I am unhappy with, he apologised I said "sorry won't help- you need to be more dynamic in response to what I'm saying", he said "I have been in my own world and I'm sorry for that"

I think he knows his card is marked. So is playing dead until the dust settles.

I am going to give it another try with him, abiding by my 3 new rules regarding, bills, cleaning and food shopping, he says he will go along with it but I have got my eye on him and he knows this.

Ive told him that he is saying he loves me but his actions show me that he has no respect for me whatsoever.

Still doesn't solve the sex issue- I told him that if we aren't intimately linked in our daily lives how do you expect us to be so in bed.

He doesn't seem to have an emotional vocabulary or even comprehension.
I will stay in the spare room for now and just see how thigs go, thanks for your advice about getting away -I skyped for ages with my Dad who just said that I should keep building my future regardless of what he's doing then you will naturally go you separate ways in the end any way. Its sad to think like that as I want to build a future with someone but now things are becoming clearer I can't see things lasting forever.

Please, please Gruffalo can I just beg two things of you:

1. If you haven't already, look into whether his going bankrupt will affect you. Don't let him give you a bad credit rating.
2. Use contraception!!!!!

Wishing you all the best whatever you decide.

Thanks I cant see us having sex for the next while anyway but I promise I will use condoms

1. I WILL definitely not financially link with him in any way and I have already looked into it, re how BR will affect me (not at all because I don't have any assets)

Thanks for your well wishes

"I am going to give it another try with him, abiding by my 3 new rules regarding, bills, cleaning and food shopping, he says he will go along with it"

But it does sound like you have made some good progress in terms of your own feelings, Gruff. Just make sure you use contraception!!

I am gob smacked that in such a young relationship you are not bonking all of the time.

OP....you sound like a nice woman, but a complete idiot.

It's two years, ONLY two years. Find someone who makes you happy, mosty of us don't hit a bad aptch until 5/10 years in. Are you so unworthy of anyone else? Pig Ugly? 50 stones? Only I really don't get it.

I always thought the end of a relationship had to be dramatic and heart wrenching

Not with a bang, but a whimper.....

Could he be on the autistic spectrum? Maybe he doesn't understand other people's emotions and needs.

Just wondering because you say "He doesn't seem to have an emotional vocabulary or even comprehension"

I also considered it up thread a few times

I'm an idiot yes, thanks

You won't be able to build a future with anyone else whilst you have that weight around your neck OP.

Sis went out with a bloke like this one for 2 years (we refer to it as her pathetic period).

He was a sisteen monk (not sure on spelling) apparently, whilst not a teacher, he had various other careers, none of which rang true.

Lost his job and never told sister. Ponced off her for everything. Then went into a depression! What a bloody twitting usless article the person was.

I bet going into a "depression" will be his next ruse.

Hey, love makes idiots of us all.

I should point out that when I was going through my own pathetic period, I had some massive self-esteem issues, perhaps that is something you could have a look at in the meantime OP?

"I am going to give it another try with him, abiding by my 3 new rules regarding, bills, cleaning and food shopping, he says he will go along with it but I have got my eye on him and he knows this".

What rules?.

meerkat sobs too. What are you so emotionally stunted when it comes to him?.

All he has to do is look sadly at you and you fall for it every time.

Wish your Dad had told you straight that your man is not worth it and that you should bail now but you probably would have closed your eyes to him making that obvious point as well.

Hey gruff just wanted to say I too think you should leave him and also kudos to you for having that conversation, that must have been tough. You're not an idiot or anything like that you've just been trying to make something broken work - we've all done that.

Is the future looking brighter (and less eggy)?

Oh no Gruffalo, i havn't had a chance to catch up on all of the thread. But your having BAD SEX as well. At your age i was having the best sex of my life.

What are you thinking of?, fuck him right off. There is a whole world of good sex, good food, good laughs, generous company and men/women who would rip their arms off for someone like you.

Havent read all the thread but read your 1st post and the last on on this page but its probably still relevant:

Mate, you're 27, same age as me. Listen to people when they tell you that you have your whole life ahead of you, dont waste your life with someone who is not making it happy, not adding anything but draining it from you. Lifes too short to be wasting it dealing with shite.

Your Dad's right, you need someone who is willing to go in the same direction as you, you cant make someone take the journey if they want to stay still, it'll only hold you back and it will stop you from finding someone who you could be happy with.

(I think its lovely that you cant talk to your Dad about stuff like that btw)

Look you're probably right but I need to process everything.

He's going to get you pregnant and then you'll be really stuck. You really should run for the hills now.

Have you ever compared him unfavourably to other men, because from what you've described here, he compares very unfavourably indeed.

Yes you do need to process this but don't give this idiot another two years of your precious life. You cannot get this time back.

Is he still eating all your food?.

My last boyfriend really was a bloody idiot- he was a doctor but he had really bad OCD, we were together for a year and some of the stories of his OCD (sorry should be more compassionate), are quite frankly hilarious, it was devastating when we broke up but to my surprise- not for long, maybe I do just need a short sharp clean break I just don't feel quite ready yet.

why does he want to share a house with you but not food? i think hes being tight,. i know nothing about dating but i know what tight people are misers all their life and they make eveyone connected to them miserable. tell him if u are sharing a life together u need to share food too if he refuses u really should think about your long term goals.

is he selfish in other areas of your relationship mull it over

We've all made fools of ourselves with men at some point Gruff, mine was so passive-aggressive that he essentially made me dump myself, then gave me a dumping present At least the sex was fantastic, but in some ways that made it even more agonising!

run for the hills, leave him to his bills.

Sorry - been lurking, with great interest.

Could be wrong, but you seem to have chosen the polar opposite to your last boyfriend in this lazy freeloader. From someone with OCD, you now have someone who doesn't apparently give a shit about anything, quite possibly including you. There is a middle path!