Having made the blueberry muffins (his favourite) in anticipation of DH's arrival home after 3 week business trip, I am reeling from getting an email saying he's coming back but not coming home-he's used the time to prepare himself for living alone, and will be moving into a hotel.(he sent email just before getting on long haul flight). Oh, and he wants to come over drop off presents for the children and then wants us to tell the children together...!?
Quite apart from not having actually spoken to me at all about it, I can't believe he would do this to them- Sunday afternoon 'hi daddy, welcome back wow look at my present, oh you're leaving and divorcing mummy?
Our relationship has been a struggle, but he recently got a well paid job, and I also got a job for the first time in 10 years so was feeling like things were on track, we'd have more to spend on ourselves/going out, babysitters etc and could re light the fire- turns out he was in fact planning his exit now that he no longer has to 'support me" (words he has used in the past to indicate his resentment that i didn't have a job)
The thing is, this is the second time he's done this- last time(5 yrs ago) I talked him round- he was in crisis, job going badly, his father terminally ill etc and clearly depressed I was seriously worried he'd throw himself under a train or harm himself. He's never really recovered from that time and acknowledged that in his email saying he's leaving- basically said he didn't want to stay prev but didn't have the balls to go , only says he loves me to make me happy but doesn't etc etc.. So I am gutted ,sad and I realise really distressed for the DC (7 +12).
I don't know what I can do to stop him telling them in this manner esp when we have not actually spoken to each other.
Also, a friend came over to support me, and I discovered that having changed his bank account recently, done our tax return and opened some tax free savings accounts, he has removed all the paperwork from our house- something he must have done before he left. His email declares that 'of course he will pay the childrens fees etc' and he will take financial advice to help HIM work out how to financially support them. In addition, previously he has actively discouraged me from having a pension saying that of course i didn't need it as he has one and we will be together won't we meaningful looks... so I backed down. Both the fact that hes planned it and removed paperwork plus the way I have steadily been removed from any connection to his money are ringing alarm bells. (I realise now that he has set up new savings accounts which I know nothing about- balances /banks, and I also realise has arranged for his new salary to be paid into some other account(not our joint).
I am drained by 12years looking after an emotionally remote, depressed, alcohol(and sometimes porn) dependant partner. I feel like there is a large hole in the bottom of his soul and all the emotional support I have poured into him over the years has simply spilled straight out the bottom. He appears not to have thought much at all about the impact on the children to have them and I all believing everything ok and then suddenly this..