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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The Brave Babes Battle Bus - New Year, New Start, The Journey So Far.........

999 replies

Mouseface · 28/01/2012 15:33

Hello, I'm Mouse Smile

Welcome. There are all kinds of lovely Babes on board this Bus, drinkers, non-drinkers, part-time drinkers and those who have no idea what they are when it comes to drinking. Some are newer posters and some have been here forever for a little while. Wink

Come and say hi, there are no rules, no 'must haves', just plenty of open and honest support.

You can talk about whatever you like. Your life, your love or even your laundry. We've seen it all! Grin

The important thing is that you can post if you want to, or not if you don't. There are posters in AA and posters who are using medication to beat The Booze and of course posters who are just trying to cut their drinking down with the support of The Bus and the people around them.

See where we've been so far by following this ---> LINK TO PREVIOUS THREADS HERE

OP posts:
SillyStrokeSensibleMum · 31/01/2012 20:23

Christi, you poor thing. I'm not surprised you're stressed Sad. Just do whatever you can to just get through the day at the moment (without drinking though obviously Smile). Ready meals and TV for DC maybe? Skip the bath? Can't remember how old your DC are, but try and make the whole routine as simple as possible. You need to make minimising stress your main priority (obviously there are some things you can't control at the moment so you need to save your energy for that). When you're doing stuff just check whether you actually have to do it or whether it can wait. You're going to be an exhausted, nervous wreck if you carry on doing everything and worrying about everyone Sad. Can you tell DH's GP how worried you are about him? Shift some of the responsibility onto them. Maybe they can organise other health professionals to get involved? You can't take on all the worry and responsibility yourself. Please keep posting and tell us what is happening. We're thinking of you.

Cristiane · 31/01/2012 20:33

Sweethearts, thank you all. Such a support. And one of my brothers called me tonight which was lovely too.

All good ideas. I am going to simplify as much as I can. I think I will actually find it easier once DH leaves, then it is all me.

I can't change much, But there are things - does anyone really care if I iron dd's school uniform?!

I love your ideas
Will do silly dancing to music with children. They love that, and giggles are good for everyone.
Might go to m&s at lunchtime for ready meals and give myself some time off washing up etc

Saf might order you to come and sing for me - how wonderful!

But I will organise some girlfriends to come round and see me in the evenings for a cup of tea and a natter, that would help a lot.

I bit the bullet last week and told my boss that DH was depressed. I could take time off unpaid but have decided I can't afford it so am taking some holiday over next week or two.

Thank you everyone

Cristiane · 31/01/2012 20:37

DH went to doctors today, I was texting him to remind him and make sure he was there (he forgets everything). So that is how I know. Apparently gp was useless, makes me so cross, just referred him back to psychiatrist and realised there had been a mistake and he was meant to have received some psych appointments through the post, which hadn't come through ((mouse I share your nhs pain)

I should have gone to appointment with DH
Aargh

However, on the good side, guess what I have in the oven...

Sausages bubbling away in home made red onion gravy with baked potatoes... Yummmmmmmmmy

HueyMorganismyboyfriend · 31/01/2012 23:02

Hi babes hope you have all had a good evening.

Cristiane look after yourself hunny, you certainly sound like you are having a tough time of it atm

Hope everyone else is fine and not battling.

Well second month in tomorrow, warm days will be here before we know it!

Night Babes and hope you all sleep soundly xxx

bibbitybobbityhat · 31/01/2012 23:22

Just de-lurking briefly to say how sorry I am that you are having to deal with all of this Cristiane. Depression is the absolute pits and not just for the sufferer. It is a contagious illness, imo. I really do hope that living separately for a while will bring relief to you both, but it sounds as though your husband's gp needs a bit of a shake and a prod. This is a seriously stressful situation, your husband's needs are not being met! Feel angry on your behalf and I don't even know you (but have dear friend going through similar atm). Have some Thanks and a quick hug.

Wave to all other babes. Not drinking tonight but had a bit of a fail last week, can't face writing about it just at the moment.

TheBossofMe · 01/02/2012 02:37

Cristiane you really sound like you are having a hideous time. Definitely cut back on a few things like ironing uniform (I don't think I ever had an ironed uniform) and cooking from scratch for a bit, and use the time, as you say, to do silly things with DCS. How old are they? Too old for playing "putting on a show"? DD loved this (albeit she's only 3) - we rehearse a few songs, some dances, figure out some costumes from her dressing up box (or my wardrobe), find some props from around the house, and then perform after a week or two of "rehearsals" for friends (who were very understanding about the fact that DD needed a distraction whilst i was ill - I wouldn't normally inflict this on them!) Its fun and can fill their evenings and weekends with laughter for a fair while.

Your GP also needs rebooting. Is there another one you could transfer to who might have more experience and effectiveness in dealing with this?

bibbity there is no such thing as a fail, just a temporary step off the bus. The important thing is that tonight you are not drinking. Well done.

TheBossofMe · 01/02/2012 02:41

saf mung beans work brilliantly for thickening up stew in a slow cooker, they go mushy (the yellow ones) and thicken just like potato, but much much better in carb terms.

I fekkin' love stews - will eat them in 40 degree weather here in December. 'Cos its winter, you know! I have a brilliant lamb and white bean stew recipe, yum yum yum. Except lamb might as well be caviar here, so I use pork now instead.

swallowedAfly · 01/02/2012 06:13

just a quick post - cristiane (finally spelt it right) it really sounds like your dh needs to be under the mental health team and get assigned a CPN (community psychiatric nurse). they would visit him regularly in the community - at home or meet him somewhere so he gets out or a combo of the two. they can monitor how he's doing, give him someone to talk to and often have some cbt training. they can remind him about things, coordinate appointments and act as a go between with psychiatrist (speeds things up). they can work on things with the client, action plans etc.

could be good for all of you.

fuzzymind · 01/02/2012 09:06

Cristiane big hugs xxx and what swallowed a fly said

All this talk of nice food and exercise. All i want to do is curl up in a ball! taking the little one to a dance class at 5 and rhyme time at 11 so will be nice

day 3 feel like shite but still here xx

helpyourself · 01/02/2012 09:59

Oh Cristiane it sounds really tough. Sad

safs CPN suggestion is a good one.

Hi Bibbity and all Babes, on and off the bus.

venusandmars · 01/02/2012 10:23

Hello all. Well it's February and this morning I have managed to get myself into gear and get a few outstanding tasks done already. Amazing how good that feels.

Thinking of you Christi x

swallowedAfly · 01/02/2012 10:34

well done venus and yes, february! will soon be spring Smile

twoteens · 01/02/2012 11:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SillyStrokeSensibleMum · 01/02/2012 12:00

Hi TwoTeens. Welcome aboard Smile

I can't stop but couldn't ignore your post. You sound really fed up with your drinking. A month or so ago I used to think I LOVED my wine time. Now I realise just how much better my life is without it. My life and my family's lives have improved dramatically and that's just in a month! It is really hard to change your habits at first but if you want it bad enough I bet you can do it Smile. Give not drinking a go. I don't think you'll regret it, and it sounds like your daughters will be delighted too Smile. Well done for posting.

Hope everyone's having good days. Back later!

venusandmars · 01/02/2012 13:43

Hi twoteens and welcome - well done for plucking up the courage to post, and well done for deciding to do something about your drinking. Even acknowledging to yourself that it is a problem is a big step (and one that feels very scary), actually posting it on a thread, takes the next step. So you've made 2 big steps already.

It isn't surprising that you feel rubbish. If you've been drinking pretty much every day, then your body has not really had much of a chance to really ever completely get rid of the effects of alcohol - this is probably the first time you've been really booze free for a long time. We sometimes talk about on here as 'seeing the hangover through to the end'. I know that when I was drinking it wasn't something I ever did. I may not have been swigging vodka at 10 in the morning, and infact most mornings I woke feeling crap (not always hungover, just lethargic and dull and rubbish) and promising that I wouldn't drink that day. Until the worst of my feelings wore off a few hours later, and the next bottle of wine seemed like an attractive option.

If you've suddenly stopped drinking there's going to be a lot going on in your body - a lot of detoxing and you will be missing the sugars that you had been accustomed to. So, my advice, fwiw, is to treat yourself nicely and gently, drink plently of fluids, whatever you enjoy - tea, hot chocolate, lime and soda, herbal tea, orange juice, banana smoothies, have some chocolate if it satisfies the craving for sugar. And take vitamin b supplements because alcohol depletes vitamin b in your body.

If you feel that you have cravings for alcohol, then the best thing is to make sure it is not available. So if you have lots of bottles in your house then get rid of them, or lock them away, or give them to a friend - it can be pretty hard to resist if you have a bottle of wine sitting there. And then change your shopping habit so that you're not tempted to buy any - avoid going to a supermarket if you can, shop in a butchers shop or greengrocer or halal store, anywhere that doesn't sell aclohol. Or shop online, and put your order in early in the morning when your resolve is strongest. Try to find things that will fully occupy your mind and your hands and your mouth. Knitting is good, chewing toffee is good. If it feels too awful, then have a hot bath, put your pjs on, clean your teeth and get into bed.

The really good news is that it does get better. You will stop feeling crap. It is possible to get througha craving (and to find that that too disappears). And the best thing is that there are loads of people on here who will help you, give you advice, encourage you.

venusandmars · 01/02/2012 13:44

Actually I came on here to ask saf a question - do you think I can make a smoothie with lettuce and banana? that's what I've got left from my veg box.

HippoPottyMouth · 01/02/2012 13:47

Hi twoteens! It must be hard to hear that from your DD. I would probably have got v defensive (as I have done when Dh mentioned my drinking, which he hasn't dared to for a v long time)
I can totally relate to sitting through a football match in order to drink all day. And royal weddings, bank holidays, etc etc.

Well done on your first few days, this is a great chance to show your DDs you can beat it. Have you said anything to them or are you just quietly changing?

I hope you start to feel the positive side soon, it's not a punishment to not drink, it's a treat to yourself. Have some ice cream / choc / whatever you fancy in the evenings when the cravings hit.

My night out has been postponed, am relieved and looking forward to a nice quiet sober weekend.

twoteens · 01/02/2012 13:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mouseface · 01/02/2012 13:58

Afternoon, tis me, Mouse Smile

venus - I'd say yes.

Christi - I second every single suggestion from Saf. Your DH and YOU both need support. Much more support than you are getting right now. Promise me something? Come here and post how YOU are feeling any time of the day or night. Don't keep it bottled up inside.

You have all been through a hell of a lot over the last couple of years. Your DH is draining your emotional resources, you are fighting each day to get from dawn until dusk, you are the one carrying the load, for all of the family.

Are you honest with friends and family about just how much you do for your DH? I get the impression that you sugar coat the truth as not to upset people, to cause them to worry, you protect him, because you love him.

It's so much for you to carry alone sweets. We're all here for you. Anything that you need to let out, then do so. I wish I could help you more. xx

OP posts:
twoteens · 01/02/2012 13:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

helpyourself · 01/02/2012 14:12

tt welcome and well done for posting.

I couldn't have hosted a boozy weekend early on. I'd have either drunk or seethed with resentment. Can you postpone? At least tell them that you're not drinking and stock up on distractions?

Mouseface · 01/02/2012 14:13

Welcome to the Bus TwoTeens Smile

Take a seat. Well done on three days and for posting here. Baby steps. Take it a day at a time, there's no need to rush into anything. Just decide what you want today. Smile

Smile

I had a meeting at nursery this morning about what we want them to do for Nemo, targets and goals to head towards. I've got to do a risk assessment too in terms of choking hazards, trip hazards because he doesn't walk so good some days.

It went really well and I feel that they (the nursery and community support staff) are totally on-board and giving me such confidence in the way that they are going to work with me.

I had to leave Nemo to into this meeting and when I came out, he saw me and burst into tears, sobbing his little heart out Sad, he thought I'd left him and was going to pick him up. Bless.

I've also been to the dentist to have my tooth fixed so it's all good in the MouseHouse today.

It's gorgeous here, so bright and cold, we're going to go for a nice walk once Nemo's feed has finished.

How are we all?

OP posts:
SillyStrokeSensibleMum · 01/02/2012 16:16

Twoteens, I'm afraid I have nothing to contribute regarding your loss of identity/being known as a drinker in social situations (I'm a homebird and rarely go out since having the DC, although if I had a babysitter I'd love to!!). I'm sure a party animal such as HRH JWN might be able to offer some words of wisdom though :) Maybe the guilt/shame of my own drinking is greater than it should be but I'd rather be known as the boring, sober one than the first one to get a drink... It must be hard to consider changing your identity as such but try to focus on the positives of such a change. Let us know how you're getting on. The first few days are the hardest I reckon. Like HelpYourself said, I wouldn't be able to host a drinking weekend so soon. I would definitely postpone. You'll feel stronger with a few more drinking days/weeks/months under your belt.

Saf, have you tried red lentils to thicken a stew? Yum. All this healthy cooking talk is very exciting. I do like me pulses :)

Venus isn't it great to get things ticked off?

FuzzyFeeling, how are you doing? Are you feeling any better?

Bibbity hope you're OK, don't dwell on falling off the wagon before, just make sure you're strapped into the bus now and you'll be fine. Onwards and upwards :)

Mouse, fab news about the meeting. That must be so reassuring. Sounds like's Nemo's in good hands :) Gorgeous day here too. I love this weather - blue sky, sunshine, general crispiness. Spring is coming. About time too :o

Christi how is DH today? Everyone's given such good advice. It really is far too much for you to deal with alone. Can you phone his GP to make him/her aware of how much you're worried about DH? Do you think he played down his symptoms and behaviour when he had his appointment? I would make sure the GP knew exactly how bad he is. Take it easy tonight. M&S do fantastic healthy, ready-prepared food (so no guilt for the lack of home-cooking, yay :o). And really do only iron what is absolutely necessary. I have to admit that I iron very, very rarely Blush. Only shirts and party clothes actually (and anything linen, although I won't make that mistake again Shock). Creases fall out very quickly, honest guv.

Best go and rummage around in the fridge/cupboards to see what I can feed the animals DC for tea.

Cristiane · 01/02/2012 16:16

Thank you everyone for all your support. Have been non-stop at work all day and only checking in now. Will reply properly later. Just wanted you all to know that it makes such a difference with you helping me. Thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

venusandmars · 01/02/2012 16:53

I'm with you on linen SSSM, somehow some people manage to wear linen and look simultaneously elegant and relaxed, whereas I wear linen and just look crumpled and uncared for.

I'm off to make some italian meatballs for tea, yum yum Smile