Probably been done to death, but am I asking too much?

[cobwebthegrey]

I'll keep it brief. Married 10 years, He works, I am a SAHM. 2 DC's 7 and 2. He gets up with the kids in the morning and gives them breakfast, I do the night wakings with 2 yr old hwo has never slept through. He does a fairly regular 8.5 hrs, comes home, has his tea, bathes the kids and then we jointly put them to bed.

i ask that he loads the dishwasher and cleans the kitchen after supper, and puts the bins out once a week. i do EVERYTHING else. All housework, all finances, all holiday/birthday/ kids activity org. The lot. he thinks He pulls his weight, I think he should do more. Who is right?

I'm sorry, but if I was a SAHM, I'd expect to do 90% of the stuff that needed doing in the house. He's getting them up, getting them ready and bathing them every night. Seems about fair to me.

I would say yea maybe put the bins out but I would say being a SAHM means the rest is really your job...sorry x

I disagree. If you both worked, you'd split the housework 50-50, right? Why should dads suddenly get an easy ride if their partner becomes a SAHM? They must be laughing all the way to the couch.

If he is upstairs bathing the children then I think it makes sense for the kitchen to be cleaned in that time. One parent does the bath, one parent does the kitchen.

To be honest I think you are expecting too much. I think you're lucky that he gets the kids up and bathes them every night and cleans up after supper.

I'm a SAHM and my DH plays with the kids when he comes home while I make tea, will put the boys jamas on while I put the baby to bed and takes the eldest up to bed. I wouldn't expect him to clean up after he has been working and I've been home all day. I do all of the cooking and cleaning, the organisation for the kids, birthdays etc and DIY and decorating.

My DH does work more hours but I would expect as a SAHM to do the lions share of household stuff.

Sounds like he is doing a fair amount to me, tbh. What else do you want him to do?

My DP does the following for our 18mo everyday; gets her up for milk and at nighttime does teeth, bedtime and baths. I make dinner during bedtime (he can't cook). He normally cleans up after but sometimes not and then I do it in the morning.

He takes her out every Sunday morning so I get a lie in/me-time. He gets Saturday mornings to do sports.

I think all chores that are not specific to 9-5 need to be 50:50.

If it genuinely takes you more than the 8.5+ hours a day he's putting in at home & work to do the rest of the jobs around the house that being a SAHM entails, you need to do some serious work on your time management skills.

The bottom line always seems to me to be do you both get the same amount of down time? If so YABU, if not, YANBU.

Interesting to see the mix of views. Rolo I look after My very energetic 2 yr old in the 8.5 hours he is at work....and do everything else. if he has the kids at the weekend for a while NOTHNG gets done.
civil, we do get the same amount of downtime, he's not the most practical person, (he readily admits this) so often at weekends he looks after the kids whilst I do chores or or the garden. We have some projects on in the garden at the moment which are taking up a lot of time. I think he sees this as time off wheras I see it as time doing things for us.
You see I think bringing up kids IS a full time job. i also see the bits of childcare he does as being his fair share of looking after HIS children, so I don't really see why I should do all the childcare, and everything else. And I do mean everything, he never cooks, never gardens unless asked, I sort the cars etc...

Guess the thing that gets me is the having to ask. if I see something that needs to be done I just do it, he has to be asked, then nagged and then a row usually ensues once every couple of weeks just to keep it all ticking along. It's just not the partnership I had envisioned.

You (both) need to get the 2yo sleeping through the night. take away the sleep deprivation and then look at everything else.

Just coz you're a SAHM doesn't mean he doesn't have to muck in 50/50 when at home. You have a job too OP and a very hard one at that. YANBU

ooopS, mushy menopausal brain alert - not in AIBU are we? Comments still stands though!

I disagree. If you both worked, you'd split the housework 50-50, right? Why should dads suddenly get an easy ride if their partner becomes a SAHM? They must be laughing all the way to the couch.

But the OP isn't working.

I agree with what other posters have said. I think that what your husband does sounds about right. Perhaps you could expect him to pitch in a bit more at the weekend but really if you are a SAHM then you should take on the majority of the domestic chores. The 7 year old must be at school everyday and is the 2 year old at nursery at all? If so then that must make hings even easier.

A few points / suggestions for OP:

• Do try to bear in mind he is at work during the day - not just out having a laugh with his mates.

• Standard 8.5 hours work, but how about commute? How many hours is it between him leaving for work in the morning, and coming home?

• It sounds like he does a pretty reasonable amount during the waking hours available to him before/after work.

• How about asking him to do either the dishwasher or cleaning the kitchen whilst you do the other (and you could alternate)? The chores get done in half the time, and you can also chat with each other whilst doing it?

The OP is working! she's taking care of the children! Very very hard job!

Marmite, you see I think I AM working. 2 yr old not at nursery.
Mojito, we are working on it, and I know from our experiences with the first that it will make a big difference, but we haven't cracked it yet.
Lady, I feel like you do come DH's arrival home...I also feel that if the roles were reversed I'd WANT to chip in at home, otherwise i'd feel I was livingin a hotel.

Your DP does enough IMO. I work part-time at present but have been a SAHM too in the past. When I was at home all day, with 2 DSs too, my DH did a similar amount, or maybe a little less, than yours does now.

Do you not feel appreciated OP? That can lie at the heart of a lot of tension re housework

I think it sounds like your DH does a reasonable amount - mine is never ever home for bath and bed and is frequently away ... I work out of the home full time and commute up to 2 hours per day.

I then come home and do bath and bed for the children plus evening meal for me and DH

It drives me insane at times so I feel your pain

How about on the weekends your DH does some cooking or other household stuff?