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Original poster

He wants me pregnant before we move in...

86 replies

NuBlu · 22/01/2012 22:39

Well, here goes for my first post....I'm 42 he's 37, children are v.important to him. We've been together a year. I'm fully committed to having a family with my new love. I've just had the fertility checks and all fine except my progesterone level is a little low. I think if we're committed we should discuss a future BUT he wants me pregnant before committing to move in together. I understand that it's his dream but am I really just the egg carrier...am i being a drama queen? Considering walking away, don't want to be under this pressure and I don't want my heart broken...or should I just wise up??

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 22/01/2012 22:41

Seriously the guy is not right in the head, what about getting to know each other whilst living together, what if you move in and he ha wierd habits you cannot live with.

Id say fuck off to be honest.

magentadreamer · 22/01/2012 22:42

Walk? Sprint!

annh · 22/01/2012 22:42

Don't walk, run! He is hedging his bets so that if you don't become pregnant, he can disentangle himself without any messy division of property and goods and move on to someone else who can provide him with children.

Pinkflipflop · 22/01/2012 22:42

Sounds weird to me. Surely it's about you both as a couple and the bond between the two of you, rather than seeing you as the provider of children? It's like he's wanting to prove your fertility before taking any chances!
A serious talk is needed and if that doesn't work tell him to find another child bearer.

AmberLeaf · 22/01/2012 22:42

He sounds odd.

Id bail now TBH.

LadyMedea · 22/01/2012 22:43

That is very odd behaviour. Shouldn't a relationship be about you as a couple first and then kids.... Has he set a deadline? Are you out if it doesn't work?

osculation · 22/01/2012 22:44

That sounds a bit absurd to me, surely deciding to have a child together is far larger a commitment than living together? I don't understand his reasoning.

How much time do you spend together?

Flisspaps · 22/01/2012 22:44

I don't understand why he'd want you to be pregnant before committing to moving in with you? Either he wants to be with you and to live with you and raise a family together - or he doesn't.

If his reluctance is because he is worried that you won't be able to have children together due to your age despite the test results, then he should consider what he would do should he leave you, get with someone younger assuming they could have children - only to find out that in fact, they can't.

caramelwaffle · 22/01/2012 22:44

Well it seems he is stating quite clearly he wants children more than you.

What does he have to say about marriage?

Pozzled · 22/01/2012 22:45

So, basically he only wants you as a mother to his child? On your own, he doesn't see you as worth the commitment. I'd be very concerned.

Flisspaps · 22/01/2012 22:45

And yes, to echo the above posters - RUN, like the bloody wind.

HathorInARedDress · 22/01/2012 22:45

No

No

No

And again

No

Run like fuck. Don't look back.

NewYearEverything · 22/01/2012 22:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BelleDameSansMerci · 22/01/2012 22:46

Run, run like the wind.

PeelingmyselfofftheCeiling · 22/01/2012 22:47

Unconditional love. The single biggest thing you need to both give and have when having children (along with bucket loads of patience and selective deafness!).

Run for the hills!

HowAboutAHotCupOfShutTheHellUp · 22/01/2012 22:48

Run, no don't just run, penk it. As fast as your legs can carry you.

pollyblue · 22/01/2012 22:49

So you get pregnant, and then what? He changes his mind again? 'oh I'd rather wait until the baby is born.....'

What about what you want?

marmiteandjam · 22/01/2012 22:49

No way, don't even entertain the idea. You have to place a value upon yourself and he isn't placing a value on you. If you did go ahead with this, then what would be next? He may say, perhaps I won't move in until the baby has settled into a routine. Men like that always have excuses.

PinkCarBlueCar · 22/01/2012 22:50

he's 37, children are v.important to him

But he wants you pregnant before committing to living with each other?

And they're sooo important that he hasn't found an egg donor someone he can commit to and have children with before now.

You hear the warning bells, right? That's why you're on here asking the question, right? So you know the answer, too...

cakeismysaviour · 22/01/2012 22:50

So, he wants you to get pregnant to ensure that you can and I presume that if you didn't fall pregnant he would simply dump you and move onto another woman?

I wouldn't say this was the right man to have children with. He needs to realise that you are a person, not a broodmare. What an idiot he is!

ZZZenAgain · 22/01/2012 22:51

how many children does he have in mind?

garlicfrother · 22/01/2012 22:51

Dear Baby Incubator,

No, you're not being a drama queen.

HTH.

scottishmummy · 22/01/2012 22:51

Instinctively,this feels bad to you
For good reason
It's bizarre and controlling

QuintessentiallyShallow · 22/01/2012 22:52

RUN, RUN as fast as you can.

You are a womb. Nothing else for this man.

AnnieLobeseder · 22/01/2012 22:53

Run, run, then run some more. Keep running. Do Not Look Back.