He wants me pregnant before we move in...

[NuBlu]

Well, here goes for my first post....I'm 42 he's 37, children are v.important to him. We've been together a year. I'm fully committed to having a family with my new love. I've just had the fertility checks and all fine except my progesterone level is a little low. I think if we're committed we should discuss a future BUT he wants me pregnant before committing to move in together. I understand that it's his dream but am I really just the egg carrier...am i being a drama queen? Considering walking away, don't want to be under this pressure and I don't want my heart broken...or should I just wise up??

... and what if the baby, once born, does not meet with his approval?
What if it has a birth mark, is not the right gender after all, or, has a any other health problems, what then? Will he look for another woman who can provide a perfect child?

how bloody insulting to you. what if you miscarry? what if there's a problem with the baby? what then? i want to be wanted and loved for who i am, not for my ability to carry a child to term. What if later he wants another? Sorry but this is a deal breaker in my books. Find someone who wants you first and foremost, and for whom the baby comes second or get a sperm donor...

Please take yourself and your 'handy womb' and RUN, RUN away!
(Just in case the other 4 pages of "RUN!" weren't enough.)

And Ruby your story wasn't wasted, it was lovely and I hope one day I can find a man who is as great as yours sounds.

And I hope you find a lovely man to have a family with soon as well NuBlu

He wants to put a leash around your neck, not a normal marriage and family.

(Whose idea was it to get your fertility checked out?)

You're not an idiot. Somewhere along the line some little bell rang and you paid heed. Well done. Hope you are now busy deleting him from your life.

Thanks NoVeggies...I hope so too :) Thanks to everyone, it's been a bit stunning to see in stark black and white what I already suspected. And normally I'm no walkover...who knows, maybe I fell on my head!

NuBlu I met a woman a few years ago who would just break out in tears all the time. She was so unhappy. She had been on a postgraduate course and the timing wasn't great for her but her boyfriend had been really keen to have dc.

You can tell what is coming, right?

she got pregnant, they moved in together, she had twins. He had wanted a dc but the reality of it, perhaps also the reality of it x 2, he didn't like. So he left. She was on her own then with twin babies and he swanned off doing his own thing as if the dc didn't exist. I met her when they were 5 and she told me he had a new girlfriend and had told her (the mum) that he wanted to have a child with this girlfriend because he really wanted to be a dad.

He was a dad already twice over but somehow that didn't count.

This is what I meant below, you need at least in the beginning to have the feeling he wants to be with you (and listen hard to your gut feeling) and that he is going to make an effort to stand by you through thick and thin.

Get into a fast car and escape. Get out then keep running. Don't look back.

They used to do this to check women's fertility and wouldn't marry until the woman was pregnant IN THE VICTORIAN ERA. Glad you have your answer.

I read the first 4 words of your post title, in 'most active', and knew exactly what my response would be. Reading the rest of the OP has not changed my view one iota.

Leave him, he is strange, controlling and a little bit crazy!

OP, can you please tell us how he reacts to the contract that Izzy suggests which is by far the most genius way of making HIM see in black and white your reaction!