He wants me pregnant before we move in...

[NuBlu]

Well, here goes for my first post....I'm 42 he's 37, children are v.important to him. We've been together a year. I'm fully committed to having a family with my new love. I've just had the fertility checks and all fine except my progesterone level is a little low. I think if we're committed we should discuss a future BUT he wants me pregnant before committing to move in together. I understand that it's his dream but am I really just the egg carrier...am i being a drama queen? Considering walking away, don't want to be under this pressure and I don't want my heart broken...or should I just wise up??

and OP appears to have gone.

Perhaps she's chained to a table leg without her shoes

Tell him you don't believe in sex before marriage.

Wait, what are all these red things? Flags! Go!

maybe it was a bit hurtful to hear it all. She wouldn't be with him and thinking of moving in together if she didn't hope it was going to be something good

Tell him to get his fertility tested before you think about committing to him.

Prior to ttc and in the event that he undergoes a change of mind and disappears in a puff of smoke after conception:

1. He is required to deposit the cost of raising a child from 0-18yrs - say, £250,000 - into an account that is solely in your name and which becomes wholly available to you on the day of birth of any child of your union.

1. A further condition of 2 (above) is that he pays for twins insurance in the sum of £250,000 - policy to be in your sole name.

1. Any accounts, policies, and monies, stipulated above to be paid to you for your sole use regardless of whether he 'commits' to your relationship.

If you start working on the draft agreement now, you should be able to have the formal contract ready for his signature on Valentine's Day

Ah yes, that is a very sensible plan too izzy.

OP I would go with izzy's insurance plan, you wouldn't want to take any risks either, should he not perform as expected.

Absolutely the best plan, Izzy. Everybody gets what they want.

Voted!

After all, no-one wants to risk being disappointed.

Where there's a will there's a way.

Who says romance is dead, eh :)

Gawd, do I like Izzy's plan, or do I like Izzy's plan. Why the hell didn't I think of that one 19 years ago.

Run. Fast. Now. Is another good plan.

blimey....

sorry op. but i wouldnt agree to this - he either wants to be with you or he doesnt. how does it work? what happens if you dont get pregnant? does he have a limited time frame in mind for this to work before he starts looking for his next baby mother?

relationships should not have conditions placed upon them like this. he sounds mad, quite frankly, and desperate.

i would begin to plot my exit if i were you.

Hi, i'm the OP. Blimey, thanks for all the advice. Pretty unanimous then...feel like a complete idiot...and old enough to know better.

There are more than a few threads in the back history of this board where it's been hearts & flowers & lurve & lust all the way until at 14, 16, 20, (insert any number of your choice up to 39) weeks into a pg the previously seemingly smitten sperm donor father-to-be has abruptly announced that he has 'changed his mind'.

The male of the species can, of course, accomplish this with ease but it's not quite so easy for the recipient of his seed, so to speak

This man has a shocking attitude and sounds like all he wants is a baby, you don't matter one jot.

As everyone else says run for the hills unless he shows some commitment to you, and you think he is worth persevering with.

Make like the Gingerbread Man and ruuuuuuunnnn.

And then there's the ones that have 'changed their mind' a day, week, month, year(s) (insert date of choice) after the arrival of their heart's desire.

In the absence of a pre, interim, and post nup, I'd rather be committed than commit

Have we scared the OP away?

God, no.

If you want a child without him use a proper sperm donor.

You don't want this guy as a co-parent.

I remember before Lady Diana entered into her 'fairytale' marriage, there was a rumour she had been tested to see if she was fertile. Unless your beloved is heir to a title, I would too run like fuck.
How surprising he hasn't found any woman previously to take him up on his romantic offer!

I haven't read the replies but I assume everyone has told you to run like fuckery...

Just to echo everyone else - RUN!!

He sounds like a knobhead and he clearly only wants you if you can give him children. Personally, I'd make sure my partner absolutely worshipped the ground I walked on before even considering children with him.

Please add my RUN RUN RUN away to all the others.

He is not willing to be a partner to you. There are times that parents need to present a united front when the kids are being challenging - do you feel that he would back you up in any way? Doesn't sound like it.

Also, think about what would happen if, god forbid, this proposed child was not healthy or was disabled in some way.
What if you did not produce a child of the requisite height or eye colour? What if the child's hair was not of an acceptable colour? This last is said light-heartedly, but really - do you know how he would react?

Basically he doesnt want you if you cant provide the heir.

At what point is he going to give you the heave-ho if you don't get pregnant? Presumably pretty soon, as then he can move on to a younger model. Sorry to be harsh, and I speak as one who had children late, but he obviously has no plans to keep you if it doesnt work out and that can't be any sort of basis for a relationship.

Treating you like a brood mare. Fertility checks. Bleurgh.

Tell him you've changed your mind, tell him its not him its you, you've decided you're a lesbian...ANYTHING -JUST GET RID. HE'S COMPLETELY MAD.

Its pretty much unanimous OP. So sorry for you - its so wierd, you couldn't make it up.

Is he Henry V111?

If so, run.