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Original poster

Dp has been on love chat rooms, and been talking to some right tarts!

27 replies

Helenemjay · 18/01/2006 16:42

He left the pc logged on in his name and a page with the history list up, and its all flirting, love chat and tarts profiles! he is up most nights til 1 am doing god knows what on the damn thing, his list of contacts on his messenger have loads of names like cinderella, jojo, miss laney etc etc... there are about 5 different ones altogether - i feel so cross - should i be mad or is this some normal behavior i have just been unaware of before?? please help!!!

OP posts:
choccywoccydoodaa · 18/01/2006 16:46

Sounds like he may have wanted to get rumbled....poor you!

Original poster
Helenemjay · 18/01/2006 16:53

well im not sure, he rushed in earlier and logged on to get a phone number and then realised he was late for something a dashed off, he's an airhead sometimes and its quite like him to just run and forget he left it on! i really dont hink he intended me to see it - \lthough i know it sounds otherwise

OP posts:
Tortington · 18/01/2006 17:41

this kind of thing wives way to mistrust. and in my opinion trust is the foundation to a great relationship.

i know it sounds small and petty what he is doing but i would take a great offence and demand a chat about it. i would want to know why he is talking to other women online.

i would ask him if he minded me doing it.

wannaBe1974 · 18/01/2006 18:04

I would log on to his messenger and change it to save chat histories, then when he's out go on there and have a look. A lot of chatting online can be harmless, but it's very easy to get carried away on the internet.

jstbcs · 18/01/2006 18:22

what u have to ask is, what would he do if u were talking to men online?
would that be acceptable?

also, agree with savong conversations....

porn is one thing, interaction is another...

Blu · 18/01/2006 18:28

I wouldn't be happy about this at all.
Tell him how it makes you feel? Tell him does he realise that he is probably getting off on the fantasies of hairy male lorry drivers?

uwila · 18/01/2006 21:07

This would not be acceptible in my marriage. Don't think DH would do this, but if he did, we'd be having our chat in a very serious setting -- like relate or possibly divorce court.

Online cheating is still cheating in my book. Sorry if this is harsh, but he's talking to real live people.

I once dated a guy who much to my surprise was sending pics of his willy out on the internet. I was so disgusted that I sent it to his x-wife and his siter-in-law... YUCK! I think he was a tad embarrassed.

doormat · 18/01/2006 21:09

agree with others
not acceptable IMO

expatinscotland · 18/01/2006 21:11

Um, I think he needs to have a chat w/you and not these online missies.

I went out w/a bloke like uwila's - turns out he was a liar extraordinnaire. So now I'm incredibly suspicious of all this online 'chatting'.

WideWebWitch · 18/01/2006 21:15

you should be mad imo, not on.

Feistybird · 18/01/2006 21:29

No, I wouldn't put up with it either - in fact I would be livid.

galaxy · 18/01/2006 21:30

Totally unacceptable - Betryal of trust and without trust there is no relationship

MeerkatsUnite · 19/01/2006 07:32

Absolutely unacceptable behaviour on his part talking online like this. Leaving this around on the computer shows total disrespect on his part for your feelings or for you as a person.

Difficult as this is you may now have to consider whether you have any sort of future with this person. This is not healthy at all.

anniemac · 19/01/2006 11:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Kelly1978 · 19/01/2006 11:15

I don't think I would be happy if I caught my dp doing this. We did actually meet in a chat room! Although, I'm not a 'right tart' think it is easy to get carried away online, as you don't see faults so easily online and it is easy to build up a false picture of somebody. Havign said that, I wouldn't start making accusations, as a lot of the time it is jsut harmless fun. I jsut don't think it is quite right tho.

Original poster
Helenemjay · 19/01/2006 11:52

Ok i didnt know you could change the settings so you could save conversations on messenger!! can someone fill me in? i have no idea how to do it!!!

OP posts:
Bugsy2 · 19/01/2006 11:53

No, this is completely out of order Helen.
I have used online dating sites in the past and I am always really amazed by the number of married men who are on there.
Is he just flirting & talking dirty or is he trying to start a relationship with one of these women?

Kelly1978 · 19/01/2006 11:56

to view any conv history already saved open msn, click file > view message history.

If it not set to save go to tools > options > select messages from the left hand side, and tick the save conversations box.

Original poster
Helenemjay · 19/01/2006 12:02

I have no idea bugsy! i wish i did, i mentioned it to him last night briefly that i knew but unfortunatley it wasnt the best timing as i had to go out, and so he just laughed it off but to be honest he acted like a cornered animal - squirming!!! he buggered off to work this morning in a right mood about it and now he has got rid of all these girls in his messenger!! - talk about guilty conscience!!!

OP posts:
prettyfly1 · 19/01/2006 12:18

i am gonna comment from the other side. i chat to a few people on the internet and i have to say i would eb horrified to find out they were married as like some of the previous people, i think internet cheating is still cheating. when you talk to someone you are making a connection of sorts and its wrong on both sides to be a someone in relationship and using the internet for this sort of thing, and if its a love site he is using then i would very definately be furious because if it was innocent he would jsut use a chat site. sorry but its true.

Listmaker · 19/01/2006 13:44

My exp was doing this but was also having an RL affair with someone at work. I got wise to him and found ways of searching round the computer for files. Try searching your whole c:\drive for key words and see what comes up. Some stuff seemed to get stored when he was doing it.

I agree that this is cheating and a betrayal of trust. He had started arranging to meet some of them and had had lunch with one. He left for a couple of days and I went on-line to her pretending to be him although I couldn't keep it up! She had no idea that I existed (let alone with one dd and one on the way at the time!!). Then the next one was nagging him to phone her and eventually I e-mailed her too to put her in the picture about my existence. Later I found him apologising to her by e-mail when he never had to me over his real and cyber affairs so that's when I showed him the door.

You need to take action on this Helen before it goes any further.

Original poster
Helenemjay · 19/01/2006 13:58

I have no idea what action to take, we have 2 sons who are 5 and almost 3 and now we have a dd who is 18 weeks, im so angry and hurt by this, i wish i knew my way around a computer as he works with computers for a living and obviously knows where to hide stuff - i dont know where to look but im pretty sure if i did i would find some pretty incriminating stuff!! i told my good friend about this earlier and her fella asked if he had a webcam and i said yes - his reaction was that he could be doing anything then!! could he be right? - i think im far too naive!

OP posts:
stuck · 19/01/2006 14:16

Hi Helen (changed from my usual chatname for this.)It's happened to me too. Dh formed a close relationship online in a chatroom and went on to meet her in RL. He says nothing actually happened between them which I believe but also realise this was probably because of lack of opportunity not of inclination. It all hurt me massively and is still a very sore point 3 years later but we have more or less got through it by talking talking talking. Dh knows I will not forgive or forget but has attempted to explain why it happened and why it wont ever happen again. I have chosen to believe him although it's hard. Point i'm making is TALK. Don't let him get away with being angry with you for snooping (as my dh tried). Don't let him brush it off as nothing (also tried). Force him to tell you what the hell is going on and show you the conversations to reassure you. Good luck!

furlong · 19/01/2006 14:25

hello helen,my partner was looking up escort ladies sites,it really upset me and when i questioned him about it he said he did not know why he did it.

Bugsy2 · 19/01/2006 14:50

helen, I think you need to take this slowly. Your dp could just be larking about chatting flirtaciously & possibly even dirty stuff. While this is not at all good, it doesn't necessarily have to be a massive thing either.
He clearly thinks that what he has done was wrong because has deleted all the msn contacts. If he had been talking to those ladies about plumbing advice then he wouldn't have deleted them.
I think you need to think about what is going on between the two of you generally and decide what you want to do about this with that in mind.

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