What women want from a relationship: the definitive Mumsnet list?

[GeraldineMumsnet]

We're putting together some Relationships content based on issues that recur in this Talk topic. We thought a print-it-out-and-pin-it-on-the-fridge type list of what you want from a relationship would be useful and interesting - and possibly surprising for your other half!

So what do you need from your 'significant other' in order to feel content with your relationship? Please share...

Thank you.

WannabeMegMarch totally summed it up for me.

I'm lucky that I have that kind of relationship

Big fat willy and great in bed is also a must

To not fart on me in bed when I'm stroking his back!

To appreciate things I do to create a nice environment for us

To not get defensive when I need to address an issue i.e money/housework/food shopping

To at least for one hour not be plugged in to a laptop or phone

To make me a coffee in the morning

do DIY
mow the grass
put the rubbish out
answer the door to the window/gas etc sales peolpe
walk the dog (what dog!) when corrie/eastenders is on
wash the car

can't think of nought else as they all lie and cheat anyway!

Must love My Dog.
Sorry, make that adore.
Also - companionship, make me laugh, respect - don't try and think he knows what's best for me if only I'd realised that!
good sex.
no whinging

I think I am out of step here as I'm surprised to see so many serious replies. As a discussion thread of course it's a question worthy of discussing but as sort of "fixed" reference content on MN - what's it for? So that you can point men to it and say "here's the definitive list"? It's not at all like health or pregnancy or even style and beauty content in that way is it? I think I'm missing something...

(By the way I do read relationships a good bit and think it is amazingly helpful to lots of people - but that's because it's advice tailored to each poster.)

Respect
Honesty
No relationship can survive for long without these - I found out the hard way in my past life!

Intimacy (both emotional and physical)
Commitment
Kindness
Tolerance

Willingness to communicate
Ability to manage money (whatever the income level)

My lovely DH is all of the above and I feel like the luckiest woman in the world!

• Someone who I know is as much of a capable adult than I am (or hopefully more so :o), and doesn't need instruction or me to stand over him to pack a suitcase/make lunch/organise a trip etc.

• Someone who is quick-witted and not only "gets" the things I say, but surprises me (er, in a good way) with funny stuff he says.

• Kind-hearted and generally a fan of people and dogs.

• Someone I fancy the pants right right off, and who is brilliant in bed.

• Someone who makes really good tea very often

• Someone with good ideas about how to spend leisure time that don't just involve watching TV or drinking.

Respect
Honesty
Ability to laugh at himself
Pure filth in bed

There you go!

That special spark where even though you've lived together for some time and had a baby and seen each other in all sorts of states, you still look at them sometimes and get a jolt and just think 'wow!'

Patience. This is huge.

Unflappability. I can't be around someone who has meltdowns when things go wrong.

Selflessness.

The ability to accept and appreciate loving gestures.

The ability to delay gratification in order to reap a richer reward.

...and observant. I can't cope with someone who doesn't notice that the dishes need doing/the baby's face needs wiping/the bins haven't been taken out for three weeks

Kindness to others

Willingness to change

Self-awareness

Ability to laugh at self

Loyalty

Patience

But most of all...nice legs.

Love
Respect
Not shouting like a toddler when life gets hard
Doing some some of the housework without being a martyr about it afterwards
Accepting sometimes you are wrong
Acting his age not a 2 yrs old
Not blaming other people for every single thing
Being faithful
Being honest

Oh well, probably never gonna get all those things - time to move on methinks!

the ability and inclination to continue to look after himself after living together - he was perfectly capable of doing so before so why is he suddenly so incapable?
be open and communicate - we'll all rub along better if we understand what's going on/has happened with each other.
otherwise just be himself - there are reasons why i fell for him in the first place and i wouldn't want him to change to meet some false idealised vision, anything that's not ideal i am capable of coming to terms with, or if there's openness we can discuss and work through

The ability to make me laugh, to be honest, to treat me like a princess (ie with respect) and to love and adore me AND my son. Also someone who will listen to me and plenty of cuddling up on the sofa with a film or tele or even a game. A closeness and to feel loved.

Seems like all the nice guys are gone though.....maybe one day. x

Someone who is switched on/interested in the world
Someone cultured and pref. well read and intelligent in general
Sense of humour a must
Likes kids/animals
Good in bed obv
Someone who can do stuff in the house without being 'told'/given a list
Pref tidy

Someone who is kind and respectful to other people, not just me
Someone who is good at oral stuff
Someone who can bring himself to say sorry - the actual word

That thing that you can't put into words.

That.

No it isn't that tethers - it's that other thing.

Bucharest Wed 11-Jan-12 13:27:37

For each and every man to have a lengthy and grueling interview with Anyfucker before they are allowed anywhere near a vagina?

Bucharest Wed 11-Jan-12 13:29:19

Actually, my top serious one is this:

To never forget that I was a woman, and a fairly independent one at that (with my own brain and everything)for 30+ years before I met Handsome Swain.

That has not and and will not change, just because I have put his pants in the washing machine

Yes, yes, yes and

To never act 'for me' without asking me what I want.

I think the entire premise for this project is flawed though, because it pre-supposes that women in relationships want different things to men. The term 'other half' also brings me out in hives. People are individuals in their own right, not halves of a whole.

Been with my partner for decades and have often discussed what we want and need from the other and there are no differences. They are:

Kindness
Honesty
Fidelity (sexual, emotional and financial)
Trust
Great sex
Time spent as a couple and as a family, as well as the freedom to be individuals with our own friends and interests
Support for eachother's aspirations
Active listening
Shared responsibility for financial, household and parenting decisions
Equal value given to eachother's work (esp when one of us was the primary child-carer)
Equal leisure time and equal division of boring tasks

Ah. The other thing. Of course.

Trust, respect, honesty. Shared values and goals. Understanding, support, friendship. Laughter. Great, great, REGULAR sex.

But more than anything right now....I want him NOT to have paid the Council Tax into the wrong account so that we wouldn't have been threatened with court proceedings while I am doing a Law degree!! Especially as I had to sort it out because he was at work

Somebody who knows what I want off the menu but who would never dream of ordering for me.

That and doing the bins and I'm happy.