What women want from a relationship: the definitive Mumsnet list?

[GeraldineMumsnet]

We're putting together some Relationships content based on issues that recur in this Talk topic. We thought a print-it-out-and-pin-it-on-the-fridge type list of what you want from a relationship would be useful and interesting - and possibly surprising for your other half!

So what do you need from your 'significant other' in order to feel content with your relationship? Please share...

Thank you.

Sex?? What's that?? :(

Sex - remember? That unpleasant chore??

Ooh yes That. Doing the Business.

Disgusting

Ohh yes, and - more or less the same moral/ethical/spiritual framework, not super similar but enough overlap to mean you kind of 'get' each other and don't feel lonely or defensive about what you believe or how you choose to live your life. Not having to explain everything all the time because you are poles apart on an inner level.

Funny how someone wants the household chores shared, but wants their partner to do the "man jobs".

Love and support, respect, honesty. Being a team. Remembering to be kind to one another All the details that make it work flow if you start from good first principles.

My ideal partner is someone who doesn;t think he is doing me a favour by doing some of the housework. Who doesn't consider he is "babysitting" while alone with his own children.

Who will repeat himself if I don't hear him first time round without calling me a deaf git and then shouting at me.

Who will share some of 'his' money with me without asking for a spreadsheet explaining why I need help paying for all the food, my car costs, household items everything child related, etc etc on my part time wage.

Who will chat with me without putting me down at every opportunity.

Who will say 'there there - poor you' if I have a bad day rather than just implying I must have done something wrong.

...and he wonders why I don't enjoy sex with him???

Oh dear am I whingeing?? I'll go away now.

A Galaxy Ripple from the garage when he fills the (my) car with petrol.

equality - a man doing his fair share not just "helping"

great with kids

romantic

spontaneous

hard working

good with money

solvent

tidy

fit

kind

have hobbies and his own social life

very good standards of personal hygiene

good teeth

nice hair

sexy looking

and, above all, good - no, GREAT - in bed

i don't want much do i :o

(am smug pleased to say DH ticks pretty much all those boxes!)

Someone who doesn't call out the wrong answers during University Challenge.

Absolute equality in terms of childcare / chores / the boring stuff that goes with life and kids

And that includes the headspace stuff, so thinking about babysitters/book bags/tedious shite

Kindness and compassion

Intelligence

Good sense of humour / ability to laugh

Shared moral compass

Sexual prowess

Diamonds

Takes socks off first when That There Mucky Stuff is on the agenda.

I'm glad I'm not the only one.

To do things like housework, babysitting etc by himself, without being -told- to do it all the time.

Its what I want from every significant relationship- respect that I am an adult human being with wonderful experience of life; to listen to my point of view and be able to articulate your own without either needed to dominate; to be capable of receiving love in all its forms and give it back in multitudes too
A person who understands that in life we all have days when we are net givers to humanity and days when we are net takers; can be a tree I can lean on when life is blowing me off my feet and who takes my hand when I hold it out to help you.
I want to be able to wake up early, and enjoy the dawn alone with my cup of tea and I want to lie in bed late snuggling.
I want to stay in to watch Panorama and discuss the contents; and I want to go out to the cinema; and I want to be entranced and uplifted by the beauty of a musical recital and have you sit with me through it all. And I will learn an appreciation of what stirs you.
I want a person who stimulates and challenges; and introduces a new way of looking at the world; but shares my values. Someone who speaks and understands the language of a look, or a shift of the body or an unconcious gesture that leaks out what I feel.

And I want someone who, when the end comes, I can look at and who will see the me as the sum of all the good I did in the world and who will offer a true and heartfelt eulogy of what I achieved; who will hold my hand when the fear fills my nostrils and eyes and who I will believe when they tell me 'it will be ok'. Someone to whom I can entrust the libraries of my mind in the hope that not all of me will be extinguished.
Someone who when offered all of this realises that this is special; that a companion who gives and receives all of this is a treasure to be polished and appreciated.

Love and respect....everything else comes from those things doesn't it?

In my mind I tick most of those boxes, maybe it is to good to be true & that's why I am a singleton .

To listen to me moaning about my family without joining in...it's okay for me to criticise my Mum. It is not okay for someone else to criticise her.

To put the family's needs before those of the bookie, local landlord or his mates.

Honesty

To be able to disagree without it becoming a huge argument, with swearing, shouting and sulking for a week after.

Your welcome Mrs Micawber Sod the hips you can work it off later when you 'reward' his wonderfulness.

Alphafemale Oh yes to sharing the headspace stuff.

This would be pretty much my ideal man:

Strip our bed from time to time and remake it with lovely freshly laundered bedding.

Ditto the children's beds.

He would say: I discussed Show & Tell with A and she's going to do it about dinosaurs. We went through all the things she has and what she might say. We put some plastic dinosaurs and the Nat Hist Museum book in a carrier bag in the boot room hanging high on a peg. It's labelled Show & Tell.

He would call at 11am on friday and say I've organised a babysitter for hs eve and booked to go to x (inexpensive) for a meal and a bottle of wine or he would call and say I've booked a babysitter fr this eve - what shall we see at the cinema?

He would sometimes say I've done all the school paperwork, consent forms, lunch money stuff and sewn in the Cash's name tapes.

Ah but my 'time-to-time' would be every 5 days or so... his would be every March

To say "I like your new shoes" without sarcasm and without asking about the cost.