ExH wants me back....

[simpson]

Me and exH split up over 2 yrs ago (we are now divorced) due to his MH problems and drinking etc...

I have been bringing up kids by myself ever since. They are now 6 and nearly 4.

he lives in Ireland now (I don't) and sees DC every few months. he is due to come over ist wk end in feb for DD's 4th birthday. he has not seen DC since June and pays no maintenance is lax with weekly calls (forgets or is pissed etc)

Anyway he has sent me a text today saying he wants to "talk"

He has basically sent me another text saying he wants me back and his commitment to giving it another go is to go off the drink completely and it will be better for the DC as they must be so confused etc.

I am thinking WTF

Sorry just wanted to rant really

Why do men think they are totally irrestable (sp) and will just say "oh yes honey come back!!"

What a shock for you, I had one from my exh as well today I came on here to post about, not the same thing though.

Well take it as flattery, and thank the Lord that you didn't waste the last two years of yours and the kids family life, living with someone with unresolved issues. It is no life for any of the four of you.

Rant away if it helps.

Yes. Because we're all like that aren't we... Jesus...

Get him paying regular CM and insist that contact is consistent ( Assuming it's appropriate. Which quite frankly it doesn't sound like it is)

Stop being weak with this complete charmer.

Hello, we have 'met' before on here. Same issues here too. I just patted mine on the head, and told him it was the time of year - Xmas, just divorced, time off from work etc, and when he gets into a normal routine again he will be fine. He asked to talk, wants a cuddle - i said no, we are parents, that is all

I don't think they realise that over time, we don't love them anymore. I don't wish him bad things.... I just do not feel in the place to want to be his wife anymore

How do you feel?

and yes, set up regular maintenance and a schedule of some kind WRT child contact

How can he think you would want him, when he cannot even provide the bare essentials for your dc?

I don't think I am being weak at all.

There is zero chance of us getting back together.

Hi Scorps you have hit the nail on the head.

I am just so fucking angry at his nerve tbh.

That he just has to click his fingers and I weill coming running (not)

themouse - sorry you are in the same/similar situation

will

He will not pay maintenance as he is not working and in fairness to him I always said i would rather he used any maintenance money to save and come and see DC instead.

I was angry the first time ExH did this too

If you really do not want him back, then you do not need to 'talk' - just like I haven't with ExH - there is no need

My Ex has actually taken to bloody well emailing me from a new email address so his GF has no knowledge of it (still sneaky then?!), they seem to have no boundaries and think we sit here pining, waiting for them to see their 'mistake' and come home

Oh no, this girl went and got a life (well, you and me )

Sometimes I have even been extremely immature to make him go away

Just keep strong, keep going.

Ah OK, if he's not in employment, £5 p/w just isn't worth it

Hopefully he will change this in the future and work, and contribute to his DC (I rely on CM you see, would be very hard without)

The thing that has made me is that if he had put any real thought into it he would wonder how mortgage would be paid or bills or what we would live on etc if I stupidly let him back iyswim.

Lol at pat on the head

Pat on the head and telling him once he is back in a routine, sounds like a good idea to me

Twunts like these are living in a parellel universe on planet egomania consequently they are seeing themselves in entirely different mirrors to the ones we mere earthlings rely on to view ourselves.

If we weren't able to laugh at their antics we'd end up slapping them round their heads instead of patting them.

There's only one response, simpson - tell him to rearrange these words into a well know phrase or saying 'off fuck' and apply it to himself.

what a tool

he is

Ah, but tools are useful AF. Simpson's tool serves no purpose except to dig holes for himself.

he is a spade

a crap one

I started getting phone calls from XH, a few months after we'd finally moved to separate houses, dropping heavy hints that we should get back together. I told him that his remarks were not welcome, that to continue them would constitute harassment, and that I would refer it to the police if he didn't take "go forth and multiply" for an answer. He got the message.

Cannot believe I am getting this after 2yrs apart

At no point has he said sorry etc...(not that it would change my mind or anything)

What pisses me off the most is the sheer nerve and the fact that he just takes it for granted I will go along with what he wants.

Am soooooo looking forward to first w/end in feb when he comes over to see kids...not

my exp did something similar. we'd been spilt up for nearly 18 months and i'd been seeing my now dp for 4 months when he found out. he rang me up to ask if i'd slept with him cos if i had it would definately be over! WTF.
Put it this way my dp was/is fit, gorgeous and 7 years younger than me, so not quite sure why he needed to ask the question!

A pat on the head was my best option... am not really a 'Fuck Off' person, was best way of saying fuck Off IMO (for me)

They don't really think - they don't think about leaving, finances, mortgages/rent - they think about them. That's all.

When you see him, don't engage in conversation. There is no need - he has come to see DC, not you.

Oh yes, what scorps said

When he comes to see the kids, do not engage in any conversations about "you and him" (there is no you and him) and brook no talk of him being a changed man

Simply say "that is not up for discussion" and leave the room

does he stay at your house ? I would be changing that, if so

He is staying at my mums house (with the kids) but will be coming to mine straight from the airport. Going to get my dad to be around when he arrives and tbh am going to make sure I am not alone with him much.

Last time he came he stayed up all night (at his) the night before the flight as he was worried about missing it as it was v early in the morning (his choice IMO) and when he arrived at mine (its the same house we lived in together) he said he was going for a lie down in (my bed) as he was "a bit tired" Never mind the kids had been looking forward to seeing him!!!

Mine does not even come in my house

It's now my house, not his to feel free to roam in

This is viable for you too - you will have an estimated time of when he will arrive - coat and shoe up the DC, bags by front door - Here you go, bye DC, see you XDay

Only way they bloody understand it's now your place. If he asks for cup of tea, use of bathroom, see hamster/cat/pet pig, say No.

It's YOUR house and it needs to be your 'safe' place.

I would get your Dad to take the kids to greet meet him at the airport with the kids, and have no more to do with it all if I were you!

Can't do that unfortunately as he will have just got in from airport and does not drive. My dad is going to arrive at some point (going to try and see if he can get here before exH does) then they are taking the kids out for the day.

Am being naughty and taking DS out of school for the day

He is only here for one w/end every 6-8mths so guess I will have to suck it up

BTW he did not get his lie down on the last visit, don't mind him making cup of tea for himself etc but no way is he going in my bedroom.

why can't he simply go straight to your mums house, and your dad come over to collect the kids ?

you wouldn't have to see him at all then