ExH wants me back....

[simpson]

Me and exH split up over 2 yrs ago (we are now divorced) due to his MH problems and drinking etc...

I have been bringing up kids by myself ever since. They are now 6 and nearly 4.

he lives in Ireland now (I don't) and sees DC every few months. he is due to come over ist wk end in feb for DD's 4th birthday. he has not seen DC since June and pays no maintenance is lax with weekly calls (forgets or is pissed etc)

Anyway he has sent me a text today saying he wants to "talk"

He has basically sent me another text saying he wants me back and his commitment to giving it another go is to go off the drink completely and it will be better for the DC as they must be so confused etc.

I am thinking WTF

Sorry just wanted to rant really

Why do men think they are totally irrestable (sp) and will just say "oh yes honey come back!!"

Recently in the last few months I have started to say I don't know why daddy does not call/visit/send pressies etc but you can ask him the next time he calls.

Why should I be the one to come up with all the answers??

Just think it would be easier if he did not call at all really.

Thank you AF

Simpson, i agree re. the visit - if you cancel, then at some point in the future he could tell the DC that you stopped him visiting them and pass the buck..

However do i remember that your parents do a lot of the organising and paying for the flight over? I may be wrong, but he wasn't working a year ago, is he now?
I think you all need to stop propping the relationship up (between XP and the DC) and step back, so that any effort, plans etc come entirely from him..

You said that one of the excuses he gave for your getting back together, was because it must be confusing for the children, have you told him how his inconsistencies affect them, maybe you need to point out how many times hes supposed to ring them and let them down,etc - i think if you write it down, you may have a chance of him possibly thinking about it when hes sober?..He needs to take responsibility for the situation, it's his relationship with the kids, not yours.

Oh, JK I have told him many a time, infact we had an argument a chat about it on NYE when he had not called the previous day as expected.

I have told him DS is in councilling about it at school as he is so confused (ok its a lie but I wanted to hit home iyswim) The school know the situation and have offered councilling if he needs it, which he doesn't.

He is still not working. In fact he applied for a job at his old company he worked for when we were together (in England) thanks fuck he did not get it!!!

The sad/pathetic thing is he thinks he is a good dad (WTF) and told me about his cousin spending £20 on a pair of booties for his baby son and what a waste of money it was etc, EXH did not seem to get the irony when I pointed out thats its nice when a father buys their DC things

Am thinking of telling him that he either calls on a friday and if he does not call then he will have to wait a week to speak to them again. Previously if he has not called when he is supposed to but has called 2 days later I have let him speak to them but I don't think that actually helps things. DC (and me) need to know when he is going to call iyswim rather than stressing about it.

So he is completely aware.. Wow he really is an arsewipe!

I completely agree with your last paragraph, it's contact, if it was physical it would be at an arranged time and on a particular day, not willy nilly, that's bloody ridiculous!... and there's a good reason why contact is set out like that eh?

Exactly!!!

Thats my thinking that if it was a face to face meeting it would be at a particular time so why should a phone call be any different!!!

Too right!!

well he has not called tonight either, but am off for a night out so not going to think about it!!!

Have a good night!