ExH wants me back....

[simpson]

Me and exH split up over 2 yrs ago (we are now divorced) due to his MH problems and drinking etc...

I have been bringing up kids by myself ever since. They are now 6 and nearly 4.

he lives in Ireland now (I don't) and sees DC every few months. he is due to come over ist wk end in feb for DD's 4th birthday. he has not seen DC since June and pays no maintenance is lax with weekly calls (forgets or is pissed etc)

Anyway he has sent me a text today saying he wants to "talk"

He has basically sent me another text saying he wants me back and his commitment to giving it another go is to go off the drink completely and it will be better for the DC as they must be so confused etc.

I am thinking WTF

Sorry just wanted to rant really

Why do men think they are totally irrestable (sp) and will just say "oh yes honey come back!!"

my mums house is empty as she will be at work and she does not want to leave a key out or exH in her house without her there which is fair enough I think.

The last time he was left to his own devices (a few visits back he was pissed by the time we got to the house - a matter of an hour later at most)

The thing is yes its fab that my mum and dad (and my brothers help too) but I feel guilty that I am not helping in essentially what is a very stressful w/end for them iyswim. My parents are in their 60s.

I will only see ExH on the friday daytime till about 4ish then my dad will drive to my mums house (my parents are divorced - so we have to wait till my mum gets back from work) with exH and the kids and I will not see him again for the whole of the visit and will even get some kid free time

ExH is only here till the sunday morning.

what a nice family you have - doing all this for your children.

what i don't understand is surely texting that kind of message is totally inappropriate. If you were serious why not give it and the person the respect they deserve.

ok, you got me beat

Haha they really do think that dont they. My exh said after i fell pregnant with the twins (not his) that he was prepared to put everything behind him and give me another chance and take the twins on as his own. Firstly he cheated repeatedly when we were together and hardly had time for his own dd. I fell pregnant 2 years after i kicked him out. I just laughed at him as asked him if he really thought i was that stupid.

Bit different to your situation but wanted to sympathise and agree that men really do think we should drop everything when it suits them

makes me that there are more of these fuckers that just think they are gods gift iyswim

AF - would love you to have come up with something I had not thought of

Basically he texted me quite a lot last night and every text back (from me) said "no not going to happen etc" which he kept saying that I must need more time to think about it

Sooo the plan is that he will call kids on friday unless drunk if he remembers and if he starts to have a chat about this I will end call and be seriously thinking about not seeing him on friday apart from the hand over but this does depend on whether my dad is happy to spend all day with DC and ExH by himself without me there which is a big ask.

simpson

kill him

or have you thought of that one ?

and I wouldn't bother gracing his texts with a reply at all tbh

oooh yes, I have thought of pushing him under a bus many times

replied to the first 3 or 4 texts and stopped after that really, God I do wish he would just go away!!!

The visit better go well (for the DC sake) after all this!!!

I hope it does, for all your sakes (except his)

me too

Although going on past visits I think not....

Last visit was ok but we insisted his mother came too to babysit him

Visit before that he was pissed when we got to my mums house (he had been alone for an hr) and found a bottle of wine at the back of her cupboard she had forgotten about. He must have really hunted for booze to find it iyswim.

Visit before that we made the mistake of letting him get to the airport by himself when going home and he took a detour via the pub and was arrested at the tube station My parents then had to pick him up from the police station, bring him home & sober him up & pay for another flight. He did not see the kids for nearly a yr after that visit....

There are others, but you get the picture

He sounds like such a charmer - I can see why you're dying to have him back!

I can see what attracted you to him in the first place

What a catch. How could you have let him go?

Sounds to me like he wants to give up the drink again (this time for good, rolleyes) and you are going to be his excuse. Or so he thought. You sound lucky to be out of it imo.

oh AF don't go there

Well blow me down with a bloody feather!
He's finally managing to appear eh simpson?
I'm gobsmacked

Oh, we have met before.. and Scorps (Hello Scorps )

I can't believe him, after all the crap he's put you through.. he wants you back?
Ha hahaaa haaaaa PMSL!

Hi JK

How are you???

Yes its bloody laughable, have been re-reading the texts he sent and at least I can chuckle about them now (in a dark way iyswim)

Hiya Simps (Am good i reckon ta!)

Well you keep laughing- At least until you find a quiet corner to go 'Aaaaaaargh'

I have to admit i'm more then a little worried he won't show, there's a couple of weeks yet, i really really hope he doesn't let your DCs down again, god knows they don't need all of that again, and neither do you!!

well think he will come unfortunately as flight is booked and usually once flight is booked he does appear (a bit like a bad penny!!!)

Have not told the kids when he is coming yet in case things go tits up before the visit (previous lesson well learnt!!)

Excellent thinking re. not building their hopes up..
Jeezus it's a horrendous situation STILL and what's with all his sudden concern for the kids?.. Trying to pull your emotional strings much?..GRRRRRrr

He has not sent them anything for their birthdays or Xmases since we have split.

Then on monday he is texting constantly asking what the kids like etc and he will bring over DVDs (I will not hold my breath) then yesterday he texts wanting another chance....

Me cynical??!!!

Oh yeah, the promise of a few DVDs and 'voila' its sorted

Bet you can't wait simpson !?

AF I am very at Kill Him

I apologise for upcoming statements

He is an adult, yes? Why is he staying at your Mother's house? (very kind, btw). He pays no CM, no birthday/Xmas expenditure, has massive breaks between visits - can he afford a B&B, Travelodge Family room for 2 nights? A taxi, bus, from airport to said place? Surely, with months of paying sod all, he can, and bloody well will if he wanted his contact

And, instead of being grateful he is doing his little visit, despite his alcohol behaviours, tell him that next time he drinks/is drunk on his contact weekend, don't bother. I'm sure you, like me, have the odd few wines at home when they're asleep. i'm assuming you don't frequent police stations because of this.... Well out of order IMO.

My Ex lived alone after splitting with his GF. He swiftly moved back in with her, because he wanted somewhere for the DC to sleep over. I told him to Jog On, the children are not sleeping in Daddy's different homes with different people every week. I have not had an overnight off in 2 months now, but I'm bloody sticking to it. He caused me hell up, saying I'm ugly, fat (yeah, whatevs) - I got my solicitor onto him. Backed the fuck off then.

Sorry just I am so used to having to pull all the stops out to discourage fuckwittery. Being like this, very 'hard' has worked very well for me, for creating the boundaries necessary. Mine does not even come in my house. Has no need to. I ignore pretty much every text he sends - ANY text from him is trying to open up a dialogue with you

I behave this way, to protect myself.

JK - I am counting the days

Scorps - he is an adult but does not behave like one

he is not working and says he cannot afford hotel etc. My mother pays for his flight She does it for DC obv. which is truly lovely of her and at least it gives us leverage when if he fucks up to say no more visits etc.

Also if he stayed in B&B I would not be able to guarantee he would be sober the next day when visiting DC. He is not allowed to have unsupervised access to DC (not through courts though but something him and my family have come to an agreement on if they pay flights iyswim)

The longest he has not seen the kids is a yr and that was after he got arrested on a visit (DC luckily unaware of all of this as were in bed at mine and my mum & dad picked him up from police station and took him to my mums to sober up and then put him on first flight back - which they had to pay for of course) and I did actually go to solicitor to start proceedings on stopping all contact but he seemed to get his act together for a bit.

This is his pattern unfortunately, he fucks up and then I withdraw contact with DC he contacts me a few wks/months later saying he has got his act together all is ok for a few months till the next fuck up iyswim.