Is there hope for me?

[FabbyChic]

It's New Years Eve again another alone.

I have BPD, I get paranoid, I guess you could say I'm needy.

I joined POF, a guy I started talking to just this week sent me a message saying, not ignoring you, really like you some bad news etc., Says someone in his family had a stroke.

Yet, when I sign in he is online and I have heard nothing from him, my head tells me that he is messing, why? Because if he was interested he would just say Hi, yet nothing.

I can't do with players, my emotional state just cannot handle it, its like when someone shows an interest for me that's it, and I go full swing, then it's like when they stop I get all tearful, think it's cos I'm fat, cos a lot of me don't reply cos I'm a size 14 and 20lb overweight.

Will I always be an emotional cripple? Am I destined to just be alone.

I feel tearful tonight, I'd love a cuddle, just someone to watch a DVD with. I've not had a cuddle for 20 months then before that 6 months, then before that 3 years.

Am I now too old at 47 to find someone?

I dunno.

I have upped my doseage of anti-psychotics so I just feel numb all the time.

I haven't name changed because I don't do that.

Wow!! I missed some great posts on here after I went to bed last night especially permantlyonedge

Chin up, Fabby! There's a lot more to life than men.

P.S. You might want to look into DBT (Dialectical Behaviour Therapy). Should be available on the NHS

Course there's hope, Fabby. There are lots of idiots out there and perhaps you've just got to look on the crap stuff as a way of fine tuning your radar so that when the right bloke comes along, you'll be able to see him for what he is, even if he's not what you would have expected.

I was put forward for DBT but I took Schema instead, I cant have therapy as I work full time and can't get the time off for weekly appointments.

It might be possible to get evening slots for therapy or to negotiate time off from work (you could say it's for physio if you wanted).

Hope 2012 brings you all good things.

Work are funny about things like this, I've only been there 7 months and not even on a permanent contract yet, Id have to wait six months again for therapy too.

Fabby you are one of my favourite posters tbh as you cut straight to the point. I remember your post about how upset you were that DS2 was leaving for uni and tbh sometimes I just put the bluntness down to you feeling lonely.
Chin up, there's been some good points made on this thread and as touchy feely crappy bollocks as it sounds- new year, new start/you etc

Like Stratters I have no friends in RL and once I finally face up to what's going on at home I wont have a relationship either.
You are most definately not alone in any of this.

Fabby, I have borderline personality disorder too, and yes, it is a shitter and sometimes I act completely crazy and needy and I've done some terrible things.

Luckily, I met my partner and it took us a long time to get together because I was so needy and clingy and he just hated it. But he never gave up on me and I did a lot of work on myself to become less emotionally involved and we eventually got together 2 years ago and it's mostly great.

Don't give up looking - it's bloody hard to deal with relationships when you have this condition but it is possible.

I like you a lot Fabby - don't agree with you most of the time, but you always raise a smile and you always get straight to the point. Would rather have that than the passive aggressive nonsense.

Could you do some volunteer work if you can't pay for a course right now? Could be a good way to get out and meet people.

Oh my God @ Flabby.....think I've damaged my nose tubes stifling my laughter (5am) that was SO funny. Sarahstratton I too am taken aback by your post, in a nice way.

Fabby I think you're brill, and I don't find you nasty at all.

I love the post by Teahouse, I'm where she's at.

I never understand when people say "you deserve someone" WTF does that even mean ?

We deserve to be HAPPY and that has nothing to do with finding 'someone', you need to be content with your own company, that's the greatest gift you can give yourself imo. Most men at our age are much needier than us. When I was newly single 4 years ago my good friend said in a well meaning way "You've got so much to give" and I thought yes I have and I'm going to give it all to me and my DC . Friends, not men, are the way to go. Preferably some RL friends as well as the ones on here but if you show people your needy side Fabby they'll run a mile. Be needy with yourelf, treat yourself, be good to yourself and love yourself. Give yourself a great big tight hug and pat yourself on the back while you're doing it and congratulate yourself for managing so fantastically since your DS2 left home. A big hug from you is what you deserve, you're a very loveable lady and I admire you. xxx