The Brave Babes Battle Bus - New Year, New Start And With A Firm Resolution In Their Hearts.

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse and I have an ever changing relationship with alcohol.

This is the Brave Babes Battle Bus, it's a support thread for those who feel their drinking habits are not what they should be, or even those of another.

Sober, drinking or somewhere in between, come take a seat.

And for those who would like to know where this all started, HERE is a link to the threads before this one.

Make THIS year THE year that you change your life, for the better.

Have a Happy New Year, full of memories to treasure, not to forget.

JWN I reckon your right 4 minutes was about it. Just long enough to dash to the laptop and send out an SOS to which I got the BB SWAT team response - BLOODY FANTASTIC!

you're

checking in and out babes

Long week and longer weekend

bleh

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Morning.

Bproud I love the idea of the BB Swat Team, brilliant! I too witnessed them in action the other day. Instead of guns and riot shields etc they were brandishing elderflower cordial, sparking water and obscene amounts of chocolate

Slowly, welcome You have done a great thing by joining this bus. You sound like you're being very honest with yourself and you are clearly fed up with things as they are. You'll do well here I have suffered with anxiety for as long as I can remember (and it is the main reason I started drinking in such an unhealthy way). I have never tried any medication but I do know that since I have not been drinking (20 days today!) I have been feeling a lot less anxious. My anxiety depresses me and so my mood has definitely lifted recently too. Anyway I hope you are feeling positive this morning.

Saf, I hope you had a lovely, delicious sleep. I presume your parents have DS. Nice to see them helping out...

Mouse, big hug for you this morning. Hope you and Nemo slept well and that he's not too poorly today.

Theala that book sounds fascinating. I might try and get that. Feel free to share any words of wisdom with us (not that I'm being lazy and asking you to read the book for me or anything...). Fingers crossed with the redundancy situation. Have you got plans in place for both good news and bad news? Keep us posed won't you?

Thurso, what happened with DH?? Hope things have calmed down by now.

Hello to everyone else. No boing here but no hangover either so it could be far, far worse. Have good days everyone

Oh and hello Bibbity! Sounds like you're doing really well. That must be how 'normal' drinkers think. It makes you realise how messed-up our own thinking can be sometimes doesn't it? Well done Keep on posting!

Good morning all. Had a lie in and don't have a hangover, so hopefully today won't be too bad.

jwn it's nice to meet you and I like what you say about having an "unhappy relationship with booze". It makes me feel less crap about myself and helps me realise that it really isn't all my fault; I just can't drink sensibly because I'm allergic to alcohol!

Brpoud - loved your post about the BB swat team, I'll remember to post when I get a craving and am tempted to drive to Sainsburys to get some half-price Sauvignon. I can't keep booze in the house, it just sends out signals saying "drink me drink me" but often the cravings are so strong that I'm compelled to get in the car to get my fix.

Silly - maybe I'll see if not drinking for a few days takes the edge off the anxiety (Bp suggested this also) before I try the ADs again. At least I know they're there if I need them and they do work. I started my drinking career (age 16) because it made me feel normal and not like some scared little mouse - it seemed like my saviour then :( Well done for your 20 days.

Off to colour my hair now, I've been letting myself go and my hair is more salt than pepper and looks minging. I usually take pride in my appearance but it's all slipped and co-incided with the increase in my drinking.

Hope you all have a pleasant Saturday and thanks for making me so welcome. I'm really feeling the love :)

hello. i have been lurking since september, and you've been such a fantastic support in helping me not drink since then. forgive the long first post but there is something on my mind. it's been a difficult few months, but i've done well not to drink in that time, thanks to you all. i went to see my MIL last night and, because she is dying, she is reflecting on her life, i think, and told me more about her apalling apalling childhood than ever before. and i think i would have been ok if i just felt sad but i felt so angry (at MIL's awful parents, at MIL for telling me this stuff and then at me cos it's so unfair to feel cross with someone who's suffering) that i think i made a conscious decision to do something that i knew would be bad for me. only 3 large glasses (and the rest down the sink) but still. i just didn't want to feel anything and where can you go at 9.30 at night? anyway, thanks for listening.

Hello Wick, what a sad story, so sorry for your MIL. Where can you go at 9.30 at night? Well here, of course. There is always someone to talk to, especially if you shout loud enough to persuade the lurkers to come and chat .

You have helped your MIL enormously by helping her to let go of some of her pain and anger but it has transferred on to you and talking about how you feel will help. I was wondering whether your MIL would talk to someone else though, like a minister or hospital volunteer so that this does not become your burden. As to drinking, we all know what it's like to turn to alcohol under times of stress. It's a big trigger, so you're not alone there. Just put it behind you and carry on. Come back and let us know how you're doing .

Slowly welcome to Day 1. Time to stock up on lovely non alcoholic drinks and sweet treats. When the cravings come keep yourself busy and feel free to come and call the BBSwat Team .

Bproud I loved your story, what an inspiring way to start the day! x

hi wick - well done for pouring the rest way - next time please come here and talk to us! stay and talk anyway well done for the last few months, write yesterday off as a learning experience and get straight back on it.

managed to sleep till nearly 8 woohoo but ds came back first thing - apparently had been demanding to come home since 7am. now you might think ah that's sweet he missed his mummy but you'd be wrong - he was just having mario carts withdrawal

discussed it with my mum and we reckon when he goes it should be a school night so he doesn't end up back here first thing and i get a nice long break - drop him at school, they pick him up and i pick him up the next day from school. a break like that every couple of weeks will be marvelous. love my boy but it is nice to get a night to myself now and then.

boing!!! got loads to do today and then off out for dinner with friends, infact, looking at my diary we have got a party or dinner every saturday now till the the end of march! i love it!!

just a few points im pondering today - 'feeling crap about yourself' there is not ONE thing that drink will help you with here! it brings you down in small degrees, progessively, slowly but surely! i think looking back over this thread the overriding story is one of slow but sure descent into problem drinking, none of us became 'alcoholics' (inverted commas as i mean all the other expressions as well) over night, its taken quite a few years in most cases, we didnt always feel crap about ourselves but the booze has crept in, and up on us, slowly but surely and taken all we had to give, now its OUR turn! we have told it to 'fuck the fuck off' because, slowly but surely, we are determined to regain the person we were, even if that person was a bit 'mousey', its better to be a sober, quiet, thoughtful happy mouse than a miserable, drunk unhappy mouse - the truth is, drink never turned a mouse into a lion, it lied, if your character is a mouse, why fight it? people that love and care for you would much rather see you for what you are, not what the drink makes you become, its a false personality, a lie, and they know that!

countywicklow, just a thought, every time you drink on the thought of what your mil went through, the people who did that to her are ruining another life, YOURS!! dont let the fuckers do it again! stay 'delurked'!! its nice to have you here!

Don't know why I highlighted MIL above ^ , having a bit of a mad moment. I have made her an honorary BB by mistake .

Saf that sounds like a really good plan. Also, could he take Mario Karts to GPS so that he can play it there?

Hear, Hear JWN, alcohol lies. FACT. It promises so much and delivers so little. Don't be fooled babes and don't let it keep taking and taking.

Morning, tis me, Mouse

Nemo was very poorly in the night so I ended up nursing him whilst DH slept in his room as he's got to do the driving today and I really hate to think of him driving tired.

Ma - yes, his immune system is compromised due to his heart condition. Children don't have a fully functional, protective immune system until they reach 8 years old.

For Nemo, that is more likely to be 12-15 years, especially after his heart surgery, due around that age.

So, every single cough, sniffle, germ and spot of bacteria can give him the most horrendous illness. When he was very little, we kept him away from other children, well or not, because the risk to him was just too high.

Of course now he's at nursery, it's just not an option. He needs to get these germs to strengthen his system but by doing so, I have to keep an extra eye on him that a cough doesn't turn into a chest infection, or that whilst having that chest infection, he doesn't end up with pneumonia.

All good fun! xx

Right, I'm off to pack for the 60th. We've been told that our duet is at 10.45pm. I doubt it will happen for two reasons, 1) I'll be asleep by then and 2) I'll be fast asleep by then!!

Seriously? Why so late for the singing, are we that bad??

Have safe weekends everyone, welcome to County xx

I'll be here late tomorrow to tell you all about our rise to stardom (watch out Cowell) and to see how you've all got on.

Bye for now xxxx

Mouse, Sorry to hear about Nemo, hope he's feeling better today.

I can't carry on like this. I started off last night with the intention of having a couple of glasses of wine. I drank about two bottles :( and woke up with palpitations and a panic attack in the dark.

I am now scared for my health. I have backache when I drink. The reason I was scared last weekend about abdominal pain is because I suspected it might be liver failure.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. Day one. At least for now, I can't drink 'moderately'. I need to give my body and my mind a break, and let my anti-d's do their magic.

sounds like you need to face that you can't do just a couple of glasses and have a shot at zero glasses today onesunny?

mouse sorry nemo is illing. hope you have a lovely time at the 60th.

i'm off to meet a mum from school and her little boy at the local softplay shortly. haven't eaten to day but have managed to have a beer i may be a lost cause. i just can't bring myself to care at the minute - it doesn't feel like a big deal.

where did all my oompf for alcohol free go?

Saf, why are you not eating, honey? And why doesn't taking care of your health seem like a big deal?

Are you driving to softplay, by any chance? Because I don't think you should be if you haven't eaten.

onesunny when I was trying to control my drinking I found it really, really difficult. Whatever good intentions I had went right out the window once I'd had a glass or two - partly because I'd got a taste for it, and partly because having a couple of glasses lowered my inhibitions and all my will power would go out of the window. The only way that I COULD stick to 2 glasses was either to only buy that amount in the first place (one of those little tiny bottles of wine), or go out with only enough money for 2 drinks. Both of which would leave me really frstrated and annpoyed that I hadn't got any more. So if you drank 2 bottles, then it sounds like you had 2 bottles easily available and somehow hoped against all the odds that you would only want a couple of glasses from that? tbh that doesn't sound like a tactic that has much chance of working very often. Ok so you know the result of that experiment, try something different for today .

saf your plan for your ds sounds good - not too much work for your mum, but a good break for you. When my dds were small they spent a couple of nights each week with their dad. having that break from them meant that I had enough energy to be with them properly when they were around. Take it easy and look after yourself.

thurso thinking of you xx With dds being away from home (under normal circumstances!) I have felt the tendancy to channel some of my 'caring / mothering' tendancies into looking after dp, cooking lovely dinners for him, being very interested in his day and his problems at work. It fulfils a sort of need in me, but it also leaves me feeling a bit resentful. I don't think he 'gets' what is going on for me with the empty-nest feeling, so he's very casual about my caring/mothering (probably because he doesn't need it!) and then I feel as though I'm invisible and as if I'm being taken for granted . Dp also has a minor health problem - nothing at all serious but it leaves him a bit tired and 'flat' and lacking in energy and enthusiasm. I fear that it could become a habit and we could slip into a life of dullness.

Hello everyone

saf there'll be zero booze today, thankfully.

venus I went out for drinks and a meal with family and got carried away - again. I'm exhausted. There's nothing to drink in the house, so zero today.

checking in

Dm had another fall

Fallout with S's ongoing

drinking

Cancer is a feking bastarding shitting twatting evil sly nasty twisted disease....

Just checking in (am not great at keeping a daily check in but have been reading).

Still alcohol free here and after a not particularly stress free week.

I seem some here are self-flagellating after 1/2/10/20 drinks.Being hard on yourself never achieves anything other than a depressive mood and maybe a onward spiral of self destruct.

Be kind to yourselves,dust yourself off and get back on that horse again (if that's what you want)

it's ok - i don't drive theala.

and i never eat in the mornings, have never been able to do breakfast.

i don't know why i don't care. i just don't at the minute.

silver - am thinking of you x don't take the now i'm drinking i might as well drown myself in it line of thinking. can you stop?

silver
You might not want to take me up on it though as am stuffed with a cold and feel dreadful. sniff

Thanks Ma

xxxxx

Evening everyone. I am sorry for your tough night sunny and silver I am sorry you are feeling so out of control, it is such a thought time for you

Wise words venus, and timely for me to read. I was tempted a few times today, but luckily I could look here and see what you wrote and it really helped me. DH and I actually did a meditation together and had a nice dinner together and things are a lot better between us.

Hello to all, sorry to run in and out,
Cristi you sound so serene, it's wonderful to hear!
venus you sound incredibly mindful as always - would it help to have someone real to talk to about some of the empty nest feelings? Get to an acceptance in your heart rather than an understanding in your head?

Am still doing ok, survived mum's birthday without her but it has been really tough. Added to by the loss of an AA friend this week. In her 40s, appeared not to have done herself much damage physically, had 3 months of sobriety and picked up again. Went to bed one night last week and didn't wake up. A chronic, progressive and fatal disease, and there but for the grace of God go I. Going to the funeral this week - I guess those of you that have been around a while will have seen this happen - it will be my first. If you pray, would you pray for her family especially her DC?