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Original poster

Why does he lie about this? And why do I care?

33 replies

MrsJangleBalls · 15/12/2011 23:17

Just caught dh looking at naked women on tv. Again. One of those channels where some daft cow writhes around with a phone in her hand waiting for someone stupid enough to dial the premium rate number. It's not exactly porn, but still annoying.

Anyway, he flicks over and acts all innocent and pretends he was just flicking round the channels. Oh, and I just happened to catch you on that one did I? Riiiiight....

Why lie about it? I've caught you so many times! Why keep treating me like some fucking idiot? Why can't you just laugh and admit it? It's hardly the end of the world.

Why can't you be honest? Are you hiding anything else?

I've just asked him all that and still got the idiot response. It infuriates me that he can't be a man and say yep, I was watching, what about it? Why lie? What's the big deal?

OP posts:
AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 15/12/2011 23:27

You can block those channels

Exercise your parental controls on this particular horny teenager

That's what they are there for

HTH

Original poster
MrsJangleBalls · 15/12/2011 23:40

It would help if I hadn't already tried it and found the parental control menu locked with a password.

It's the same with the computer. The amount of times I have barged into the study for something just in time to catch him trying to hide something pornographic. It's laughable.

Why does he hide it from me? He's happy to try all manner of stuff in the bedroom so why hide it from me? Just makes me wonder what else he's hiding.

Need to go to bed but will be back.

OP posts:
AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 15/12/2011 23:52

liars are quite pathetic, aren't they ?

RumourOfAHurricane · 16/12/2011 00:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

liverLadyLass · 16/12/2011 00:42

Why don't you ask him if you can watch it together, ?

ageperfect · 16/12/2011 04:35

He still thinks you don't know that he was watching it?????Xmas Wink..

SantaIsAnAnagramOfSatan · 16/12/2011 06:37

sounds like she's cross and upset about having her intelligence insulted with lies that are obvious lies and usually the kind of lies that only small children and teenagers try to pull - as in deny everything in the face of all evidence to the contrary.

it's insulting. it's childish.

TardlyWhiptrack · 16/12/2011 07:57

'You have until this evening to give me the password for the parental controls lock, or you'll find the access to your real sex life has also become password-protected. For your own good, you know- I wouldnt be irresponsible enough to sleep with a silly, lying teenager... I intend to have relationship with an adult man. Fancy trying to be one?'

nursenic · 16/12/2011 08:00

maybe he hides it because-

he is embarrassed;

or he doesn't want to upset you yet wants to keep looking;

or he is ashamed;

or he needs it to be a surreptitious guilty pleasure and you are unintentionally colluding with that?

Grumpla · 16/12/2011 08:02

Grin at Tardly

blossom123 · 16/12/2011 08:39

MrsJ I know exactly how you feel, caught dp doing exactly the same thing the other day, quickly turned over when I came home. He claimed he found the channel by accident, yea right!!!, it is the lying that really winds me up too. I hate lying, dp will look me in the eye and blatantly deny something, as you say you really wonder what else they could be lying about. This actually really becoming a big problem for me.

fuzzynavel · 16/12/2011 09:49

Just like any other addiction - deny, deny, deny

Anniegetyourgun · 16/12/2011 09:56

Used to get that crap from XH about his smoking. I never said he had to give up smoking, I was quite prepared to be understanding and supportive and that, but he would insist he'd given it up forever and then come in reeking of it - and telling me I was "paranoid" and "imagining things". All those stubs on the garage floor were old, of course, even the one that was still alight. It wasn't the smoking that annoyed me, it was the lying. I told him that, lots of times, but still with the lying. It was totally disrespectful towards me as a rational human being with eyes and a nose, and also led to a massive lack of respect for him as a rational being at all ("human" is up for debate).

One of a very long list of reasons why he is XH, and a fairly long list of why he should not have been H in the first place, as he did it a couple of times even before we got married. Ah, hindsight...

JackMatthias · 16/12/2011 10:05

He's ashamed. As indeed he should be.

Original poster
MrsJangleBalls · 16/12/2011 18:47

Well wow, thanks ladies.

My gut feeling is also that he's embarrassed. I have tried to share in it before, it doesn't bother me, I'm not prudish in the slightest. I'm not trying to know every single aspect of his life but I just don't like him being so childish and lying to me.

Just don't know what to do. Ignoring it seems to be the easiest route but I just don't like being lied to. He's a fantastic husband and father in every other respect but this is silly.

OP posts:
Mumofjz · 16/12/2011 19:21

Hmmmm ever thought maybe he just wants to look at it - thats all!!! without it turning into some sex session with yourself or some sort of conversation about it......he may just get a quick little thrill from it but not neccessarilly wants to share it. Your his wife/partner not joined at the hip to him. You share his life/home, you don't have to share all his little whims Xmas Wink
I may look at channels like that on my own or even indulge in a spot of DIY self pleasure - doesn't mean i want hubby knowing about it ALL OF THE TIME and having to explain it - if you catch him, try saying nothing and ignore it

RumourOfAHurricane · 16/12/2011 19:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
MrsJangleBalls · 17/12/2011 00:15

Controlling him? Are you joking? I have to ask permission to spend money. Whilst we get on fine I have absolutely no control over anything.

This is just another example of him being the boss I suppose. I guess it doesn't become an issue until I want to question something.

OP posts:
Lovingfreedom · 17/12/2011 00:37

I find your last comment much more worrying than anything about the naked TV stuff. If you are serious then I'd say try to build some more control into your life. Maybe not so much with regard the TV but your access to money and the attitude that your H is the 'boss'. Maybe you were joking but no fun to be completely out of control and have someone who should be your partner bossing you about. Take care and I hope you sort this out.

RumourOfAHurricane · 17/12/2011 00:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

SolidGoldStockingFilla · 17/12/2011 00:42

His porn use is irrelevant in the context of this level of controlling behaviour: depriving you of money and insisting that he's The Boss is really not good.

AICM · 17/12/2011 08:26

All men enjoy looking at pretty women. It's hard wired into them. It can become an obsession in some but in most it's harmless titilation. I always laugh when some MNs say their husbands never looks at porn. How can you be sure?

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 17/12/2011 10:44

As is often the case in these opening posts, there is much much more to this than meets the eye

When will people realise that posting on MN is often the last thing they do, after trying all other avenues and/or getting to desperation point

This is why I pretty much always take the poster's side (complete cuckoos excepted, of course)

OP, I hope you are ok and if you want to talk more about your general situation, post again in Relationships and you will get the support you so clearly need

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 17/12/2011 10:48

Actually, sgb, I don't think his ridiculously teenage use of porn is irrelevant at all

I think it is part of a bigger picture

It's funny how OP felt that most comfortable with using just one aspect of his what may actually turn out to be a picture of an utter twat, but there you go

Some things are just the turning point, the light bulb, the "wtf am I doing with this man?" pivot

Which is why I get disappointed when a bunch of women say "what ? why are you getting your knickers in a knot, you should turn a blind eye to his dodgy behaviour, don't be so controlling"

voila Op fucks off back into her little cage of denial

great

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 17/12/2011 10:50

blimey, my 3rd sentence there is messed up...I think you get the gist though