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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Porn. How do you honestly feel about it?

315 replies

Biggem · 13/12/2011 14:20

I mean we all know men are going to look whether we like it or not.
But, I want (need) to know how other women feel about it, and I'm to scared to ask my friends incase I turn out to be the only one who has issues with it.

Any porn is fine, or is it when they start going on the live things (internet, not the shows in amsterdam) that it would bother you? Or aslong as ur still getting it u don't care it's only when they'd rather watch it than come and bump uglies with u!)

OP posts:
DoesNotGiveAFig · 16/12/2011 14:47

Stevie...I would think that a lot of women don't like it and don't want their husbands watching it because they feel its degrading and awful.

DoesNotGiveAFig · 16/12/2011 14:49

Stevie, are you in the "if you don't like porn it's because you're a prude and for no other reason" camp?

Beachcomber · 16/12/2011 14:53

Is is possible to be more stupid?

The point is that having a wank to another person's degradation and abuse is not a human right and you do not need it to be a happy healthy person.

Food on the other hand is just a teeny tiny bit more important.

So no my 'problem' is not being a prude who finger wags about 'naughty pictures'.

stevies · 16/12/2011 14:53

Fig, I can understand that. But why are some posters ranting on mumsnet at other people, who are bound to have different opinions, when they could actually be doing something about it? I got a very shouty response from two posters, and in a lot of ways I think there are problems with the porn industry.
It feels to me like they want to be angry.

UnexpectedOrangeInMyStocking · 16/12/2011 14:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

stevies · 16/12/2011 14:57

Food is more important, I agree, but it's not a human right to eat meat either. It's not a necessity, people can survive (in countries where there is plenty of food) in a way that is just as healthy without meat. It's done for pleasure for most people, people eat meat because they enjoy it, not because they have to...a bit like porn.

MillyR · 16/12/2011 14:59

Stevie,

  1. I know some of the posters on MN do work on campaigns that assist sex workers, or work with them more directly.
  2. Talking about it on MN is helping women who have to cope in a pornified society, both other women who feel silenced by the presence of pornography in their own lives or who feel their children are being damaged by it. That includes the women posting. Women should be helping themselves as well as other women.
  3. Women should feel angry about misogyny. Not feeling angry about something so hostile to us as human beings would be incredibly damaging.
DoesNotGiveAFig · 16/12/2011 14:59

Stevie, I don't think it's a case of want to be angry.

What do you suggest? Genuine question, as I have no idea what you'd do to change things.

stevies · 16/12/2011 14:59

And why do you keep picking up on something that I never even compared porn to in the first place, if you look back you'll see it was you. I just said it was an ethical issue as well fgs.

DoesNotGiveAFig · 16/12/2011 15:00

Hear Hear milly especially point 2 in regard to me!

stevies · 16/12/2011 15:02

Milly, well 1. I'm glad. Good on them.

  1. Have to say I don't understand expressions like 'pornified society', don't think most people will. I don't find ranting at other women for daring to have a different view 'helpful'
  2. Well some people are directing their anger in completely the wrong place, at me and other posters.
TheBrandyButterflyEffect · 16/12/2011 15:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

stevies · 16/12/2011 15:05

Well I don't know. Helping sex workers who feel damaged is a good idea. Getting involved in politics maybe? Campaigns? Like I said, I don't know. Not moaning at me though.

DoesNotGiveAFig · 16/12/2011 15:06

Stevie is after a bunfight IMO.

jenny60 · 16/12/2011 15:06

Beachcomber: me too, and no, it probably isn't possible. Happy christmas by the way. Always nice to see you Smile

DoesNotGiveAFig · 16/12/2011 15:07

People aren't moaning at you they are trying to discuss how they feel about this and it includes anger. If you don't want to be involved don't post or read the thread.

stevies · 16/12/2011 15:09

Brandy, I never assumed anything about you. Never even saw your posts. I was responding to another poster, who was mocking me for comparing two ethical issues.
I never said there was anything wrong with being angry about these things. What I meant, sorry if it wasn't clear, that some posters were being a bit aggressive towards me and a couple of other posters.
I'm not trying to dismiss anyone's opinion, I'm taking it on board very well actually. Not like one poster, who hid this thread just because they disagree with my opinion. Just lovely.

MillyR · 16/12/2011 15:10

Stevie, I think most people do understand the phrase 'pornified society.' It is now frequently used on tv and in newspapers when discussing this issue.

The sexualisation of children is a major issue on MN; there is a campaign about it. So I think it is unlikely that people on here are unaware that there is an issue.

I am not going to make judgements about whether or not people on here have been too angry or not, because much of this thread is far too distressing for me to read it in its entirety or for me to stay on beyond this post. It takes a lot of energy for people to come on here and wade through posts from people justifying the humiliation and hurt done to women and cope with the distress caused by that. That is likely to lead to anger. Pro porn people don't have to deal with that issue. Degrading women is something they are comfortable with; it is something many of them use as a form of entertainment.

stevies · 16/12/2011 15:11

Well I'm discussing how I feel.

stevies · 16/12/2011 15:15

I'm afraid they don't Milly, ask most people on the street about 'pornified society' and they won't have the slightest clue what you're on about. I find some issues distressing too! Yet I manage to keep calm and not attack posters. If I felt I was getting over emotional about a topic, I would take a minute out to calm down. I can't change how I feel about things and neither can you.
The question asked was 'how do you honestly feel about porn'. People will answer honestly.

stevies · 16/12/2011 15:18

I find it distressing and upsetting when my views are treated as if they are just plain stupid, and I'm told that I actually am stupid. I've been told this on this thread. I'm not willing to just accept people I don't know telling me this. Sorry if that means I'm looking for a bunfight.

MillyR · 16/12/2011 15:20

Perhaps you need to point that out to tv shows and newspapers then Stevie. It is bizarre for them to keep using a phrase which you claim most people don't understand.

If you feel that somebody has personally attacked you, report it. Personal attacks are not allowed on MN.

I think that there is a difference between getting upset about an issue where the group being harmed is not you (animal rights) and getting upset about an issue where the group being harmed is your group - as is the case here; I am a woman and we are talking about pornography.

SirCliffRichardSucksEggsInHell · 16/12/2011 15:22

Stevies, by having this frank discussion on Mumsnet there might be a few women who change their minds. It's about giving people a different perspective - after all I am constantly having my mind changed by discussions on Mumsnet that open my eyes to lots of different arguments. So why the hell shouldn't we be talking about this?

Yes you can pick your battles and if you want to fight for the rights of animals then you deserve a pat on the back. However I happen to think that the rights of women and children are a little more important, so whilst I support those who campaign for animal rights and buy only free-range eggs I would much rather exert my main energies campaigning for human rights.

Labelling men who don't use porn as 'sensitive' just illustrates the points being made on this thread. It is a false truth that ALL men are into porn and that using porn on a regular basis is normal. That's exactly what the porn industry want - to normalise porn so that it is acceptable.

Look how times have changed. 50 years ago you wouldn't see a woman in her underwear at all. Now it's ok to have a woman posing in her bra and knickers on the side of buses. And it's ok for a programme like Brainiacs - which attracts kids - to parade big breasted women around in skimpy clothing and acting dumb for the sake of entertainment. I suppose that's normal too.

The porn industry has a very sinister side and the fact is that the more people use porn, the more it is normalised, the higher the demand and the more extreme lengths the porn industry will go to to satisfy that demand. Now that mainstream porn is normalised, some people see it as not enough, they are no longer turned on by just viewing a couple having sex - demand is for more extreme porn, more hardcore stuff (and isn't it interesting how the definition of hardcore has changed?) and the vast majority of that depicts violence against women.

stevies · 16/12/2011 15:23

I don't really want to. I agree-it is bizarre. Ok I will report. :) I'm a woman too. Sorry if my name confused you. I keep getting called Steve. Maybe i should change it.

MillyR · 16/12/2011 15:26

I never made any assumption about your sex. I don't have to have the agreement of every other women on the planet to stand up and say that porn culture is harmful to me and my kids.