'I love you but I'm not in love with you' - what?!

[MardyPants]

Have been with my DH 8 yrs, we got married in June. Last week he sprung on me that he feels we have marital difficulties, totally out of the blue. Am in shock as I thought we had a really good relationship. He says he's been bottling his feelings up since before the wedding and feels relieved it's now out in the open.

He says I haven't done anything wrong, he just feels we've grown apart, and gave me the 'I love you but I'm not in love with you' line. He says I give him too much freedom, as I rarely say no to him going out with his mates, but when I said I would like for him to go out less and do more stuff with me, he said, why does he want to go out with his mates though, rather than hang out with me? (I don't know the answer to that one!)

Am confused. What does 'I love you but I'm not in love with you' mean? Is there any coming back from this? Is it over?

thanks for saying I am coping with this right well, however, I suspect the truth is more that I am rooted firmly in denial!!

I do keep thinking, 'well after he's been in the guest room a week / not seen me for 2 days / been to such and such a wedding without me / had a bit of time to think / spoken to such and such a body' etc that he will see sense, get over himself and his little midlife crisis / affair whatever, stop being such a fanny and get back to normal. Am getting more and more concerned though that this is not the case!

Even when he moves out I know I will be thinking, 'well once he's been out a few weeks he'll realise single life isn't all it's cracked up to be'! How do I get myself out of denial and start accepting the reality?? Fearing I'll still be sat here in 10 yrs pining and saying 'well he'll realise eventually when he gets over his little fanny fit!'

Have not been drinking to get through it but there is a bit of comfort eating going on, sadly. Did do an extra gym visit this week though. Made homemade mushroom soup for tea tonight and it is FIT :) And H isn't getting any :o

Sorry haven't read the whole thread. But wanted desperately to say this doesn't neccessarily mean an affair. I love my DP but am not in love with him, and have admitted this in frank conversations. I would never cheat on him in a million years. Sometimes this statement can be spoken without subtext.

I had a completely civilised divorce WITHOUT LAWYERS after my dh said similar to me.
we had no children.
I bought him out of his share in the house

Of course it's possible.
There was no one else involved.
We're still friends.

Mine said it to me, said there was no-one else blah blah. Walked out on me and our 2 year old son last month. He moved in with the woman the same month he left me and I found that out because BT wanted to confirm his forwarding address and it wasn't his Army barracks!!!