My Mum's partner is untrustworthy and I want to speak to his ex-partner-should I?

[QueenCess]

I posted last week but with give a bit of background....

My mum has been with her current partner for over a year. He has lied about the following:

His name
His address
His employment history
Finding work.

She has spent over £20,000 since she has been with him. He has a new caravan and car in his name. She has no more savings left.

My Mum was widowed when she met him and in a vunerable state. She is 66 and he is 47. I have found out where he used to live and his previous partner is in her seventies now.

He clearly has a thing for the more mature lady.

He has been actively unpleasant when I have been to my Mum's house. I would describe him as hostile towards myself and my little children. He turned the T.V up when we last visited and pushed a newspaper up in front of his face. He is curt towards my children answering question with a grunt/yes/no. I no longer feel comfortable going to her house so she just comes on her own to mine. I haven't had crossed words with him and have actively stayed out of the way hoping it would just end.

My Mum was diagnosed with Lymphoma last week and I am very worried. She has had to tell me about going through all her savings because of Christmas but I new really as he was never at work and they were always on holiday...plus the small matter of the new car 5 months into the relationship.

At the moment he is unemployed. It transpired that he has been out of work for the last 15 years......so my Mum has little chance of getting her money back. I really think she is going to need it.

Do I go over to his ex-partner/write to her and see what else there is he has lied about or continue to sit back?

I feel so angry at the moment because I think he is an exploitative manipulator but is it not my business? My Mum is a vunerable person who had a breakdown when she was widowed and I brought her into my home and took care of her for over a year and dealt with all the financial stuff-sorted out buying her house etc-hence how I know how much money has gone.

She has a history of abusive relationships and that is another concern.

I've followed the thread QueenCess. Things have moved so fast and decisively, he must surely realise there's no point in messing with you. I really hope he backs off now. I wish you and your mum a peaceful Christmas.

Quiet night last night. Long may it continue!

I think my Mum has had a lucky escape from a dangerous sociopath.

She is being incredibly brave as the shock has worn off and the news has sunk in. We are not out of the woods yet but there isn't anything more I think we could have done in order to send out a clear signal. She knows not to speak to him and just contact 999 if he approaches her. Fingers crossed now.

Fingers crossed for you here, too.

all my fingers crossed for you as well. how terrifying and what a lucky escape!

Very good news about last night, let's hope he's gone for good.

Congratulations QueenCess on your handling of this awful experience , best wishes to your family & mum.

Congratulations on the way you've dealt with this.

Just wanted to say something and hope it doesn't sound like I'm scaremongering. Your mum is right to be glad the locks have changed, but I think she shouldn't rest easy just yet. Does she have a good burglar alarm? If so, does he know the number for it? Has she told her neighbours to look out for him?

I think she'll only be truly safe when he gets involved with another woman and starts to bleed her dry.

Hi quick update. The police have been excellent. An officer came to my Mum's house yesterday and was so respectful. She understood the emotional/financial abuse my Mum has gone through and told her she had got out in time before it escalated further. She gave my Mum an personal alarm and my Mum felt fully supported and actually like someone understood. He has been verbally abusive too as well as blowing up into huge tempers over very little. All this was noted.

This morning another officer attended my home as I have had my Mum over to stay. They took a statement and will be giving him notice that one more approach from him in any respect to any of the family will result in him being arrested and charged with harrassment.

I cannot stress enough how fabulous the police have been and if anyone is in need of support over similar issues- don't hesitate to contact them- they really do understand all types of abuse and treat it seriously.

That's wonderful news QueenCess , I hope someone in a similiar situation at some point willl stumble across this thread and get help and comfort or even the courage to do something from it. Well done again. You must be so relieved.

So pleased you're getting such good and appropriate support. Fantastic to hear the police are so on the ball.

I do agree you may not be out of the woods yet, but looks like you have what you need to get there safely! Good luck.

Glad to hear the police have dealt with this so well. If you want a "belt and braces" approach to her house to ensure he doesn't try and fraudulently acquire it (and later claim, should the worse happen to your mum, that it was a gift), you can put an extra restriction on the title, to ensure it can't be transferred without another step being taken to check it's all ok.

From memory, it's called an LL Restriction and costs £50 (I'm not at work as I type, so may not have got the name/fee right). PM me if you want more info.

Actually, they are a good idea for anyone who is vulnerable or has dodgy relatives etc

QueenCess you should be very proud of yourself & your Mum, she's had a bad scare with that tosser but thankfully wasn't SO much under his spell that she ignored her inner alarm bells once you'd made her face the realities of the relationship.

So glad you're getting the support you need from the police, very reassuring for both of you.

Maybe you can relax a little over Christmas,while remaining vigilant obviously, hope so anyway.

Take care both of you.

Queen, just to say I hope you're having a peaceful weekend, so glad to hear the police are taking the issue seriously.