Here's hoping on finding a decent guy/girl under the mistletoe who doesn't use hun or text speak. Dating thread No.7

[Zanywany]

Off you go

You know what to do

:) whilst despairing of everyone elses emotional availability I am embracing my own.

trying to not have a rant at PM about how inconsiderate he is. aware that this is nicotine deprivation and I am being extremely unreasonable and might not be this unhinged when allowed to smoke and eat biscuits.

messaged two guys on OKC. :) with photos. ha - I hate guys without photos and guys with photos. they can't win! :)

I think I am secretly embracing mine too Snape I don't think I want to be on a dating site, it's naff. I might just try eye contact while walking in out in public, see what that brings.

I would try extra hard not to rant at PM, he probably doesn't think he is being inconsiderate because as far as he is aware you know the score and you are cool with it. See Snape by going along with the fun with him you are in fact enabling him to be inconsiderate towards you. You want more than he is prepared to give so it's you who is hurting, not him. You definitely need a PM detox. Don't be available for him, you never know, that might just be what he needs, the space to miss you and realise what a wonderful woman he has right under his very nose. Right, no contact whatsoever for at least one month then we review the situation! I would even go so far as to say I would rather you had a fag than contact him!

And I hate the guys with profiles, beat that!

Time, the problem is that you meet people out in the real world, make the eye contact, exchange a few pleasantries and strike up a conversation, and the person is usually already in a relationship and/or utterly gorgeous and delightful but 20 years too young out of your league.

Classic example is one of the women who works at my local supermarket. I think this woman is heaven on a stick. She's cute as a button, bright and cheery, when she talks to you she looks into your eyes and makes you melt, a truly interesting and gorgeous individual. The downside is that she's probably 25 years younger than me and in a stable relationship with a really nice guy and we have mutual friends so he's added me as a friend on FB so at least I get to do some creepy stalking and look at pics of her on his FB albums. Sad to the max.

Poppa That's not always the case, surely? Not everyone you meet in real life is already hooked up or 'out of your league'. I think the main problem with meeting someone in real life is that people are a lot braver when hiding behind a screen and are more likely to ask a person out. Also in real life the meeting can be fleeting so there is a very small window of time in which to pluck up the courage to ask or decide if you want to ask.

From my experience lately a lot of the guys on POF are already in relationships, as in married!!

time - i think eye contact in public isnt going to work really, hate to burst your bubble. Online dating might not work either... so maybe trying both is the way to go? I kind of think that just being out there, being friendly and approachable and open is the way to be, and see what comes your way.
Rob - i dont agree that people in rl are always younger or out of our leagues, not at all, but that maybe people are more reserved and less likley to ask someone out?

snape - :( id be pissed off about the picture too, so its not the lack of fags causing you to be unreasonable. I also agree with time and the others, that maybe its not doing you any good being around him... i know its hard ( as you know) but maybe its time to cut ties a little bit?

sponge - have you heard from him yet? how would working with him in a new job actually work with maybe seeing him? and dont worry about the 5lbs gain at all.. i think its amazing what you have lost this year, and im kicking myself that i didnt stick with it myself and instead gained pretty much all i had lost.

The guy i had a date with vanished..... lol cant say im fussed and im talking to someone else, but again, im not really interested, noone on there thats raising much interest at all at the momment, and thats fine. I shall stay on there in case that changes, its not costing me anything, so doesnt much matter.

also, im talking to you know who again. He sent me flowers to say sorry. Nothing more than talking is happening, i have not agreed to even meet up with him. But we are talking, he says hes very unhappy at the momment, has all these plans for leaving when the lease on their house runs out. etc... etc... i have told him its nothing to do with me, and i dont want to be part of it, but am happy to be friends.

That's ok watch, you aren't bursting my bubble, I did say it in a tongue in cheek sort of way . Although I don't think it's entirely impossible, fate has been known to intervene on occasion. I have no problem with being friendly and approachable but at the moment I'm pretty isolated, the school run, jobcentre and one day a week at college is the sum of my social life so not much opportunity to pull show off my assets . That's another reason why I am keen to find a job, more opportunity for meeting people.

Maybe when Spring/Summer comes along we will feel more enthusiastic about dating . I just browse POF and don't see anything I fancy at all and they all seem to look the same . It's looking like a Crimewatch seminar at the moment.

Maybe you made your point with You Know Who then watch, maybe you taught him a lesson. Let's hope so. I'm pleased he apologised, it always feels better when things are dealt with and you can be friends again. I hate ill feeling.

oh good grief eye contact? blargh.

I absolutely take your points on board about PM time & watch no need to brace myself or for you to duck. :) It does me very little good to be around him at all.

nearly ranted at him last night. managed not to. did get a text from him about what a fab NY pic it was. currently choking back response of 'yes, that's why you cropped it for your OKC profile pic, you insensitive, inconsiderate self absorbed tosser!' but am currently managing to ignore. he will notice this. Not sure if I can do a month, time! will need plenty of support (thanks!)

chatting to a couple of blokes on OKC. will block PM on it once I get to home computer.

snail I would put his flowers through a shredder and send them back. But thats the nicotine deprivation speaking.

You can count on us for support Snape I'm keeping a close eye on you

I know it's difficult, feeling as you do about him but trust me, having some PM free time will do you the world of good. I'm pleased you are blocking him, that's a positive step.

Well done on yet another day of not smoking too! You are doing great, giving up fags, carbs and PM in one fell swoop!

It is a nice pic... But you did well not to.rant, I would have done. He probably can't see why it would csuse a problem, because he thinks you.are ok with.it all :(

I.could.shred them, but I'm ill ( been sent home from.work) and they are cheering me up. And time, you are right, I prefer tge air to be cleared..he wanted to talk about the future but I'm told him.I wasn't going to right now. Not as things are how they are abd he said he understood..

Hope you are feeling better soon watch. I wouldn't shred the flowers either, I love flowers and they haven't done anything wrong I'm all for clearing the air and moving on, holding grudges causes negative energy and that's not good for one's soul.

Where is this pic please? Am I able to see it? I would like to have a gander at PM!

Snape the first 5 days off the cigs are the worst, then you are alright. Day 4 and 5 can be rough, sleep for most of them if you can . Well done you are doing great, it really is just an addiction that your brain has got used to needing to feel normal. Soon you will feel normal without it. I hope I'm not coming over preachy and I expect you know this already.

I am clearly very not OK with it all, but unsure whether it serves me to convey my very-not-OK-ness or to keep quiet. the longer I ignore him, the more he'll try to contact me until I'll have to come up with some excuse ('oh... I've been ....busy...') I'm more of a direct 'you're pissing me off because of x, y & z' person because if I don't confront it it takes on legs and runs circles around me. However, not doing anything is also a decision! :) I'll see how I feel after a week month. I'll quietly ask some (other!) male friends what they think as well to get some perspective.

watch hope you're feeling better soon and that the flowers are helping. :) I think it's OK to be contact as you do sound quite resolute and sorted. eyes firmly open. :)

time are you on (my) facebook? ( I lose track of people's real life names sometimes..) if so, look at new year pics. If not inbox me and I'll add you if you'd like - alternatively if you have an OKC account (again I lose track) inbox me and I'll send you his details.

Hope everyone else is OK - sorry, I'm feeling a little self absorbed - time of year and stupid bastard man! stuff.

Snape, you could tell him, or tell him you find it difficult because you do have feelings for him... And that him answering the door half naked or holding your hand is a bit mixed messagy and can he stop.

I am resolute. I'm not going to budge and I also don't want to talk ifs and buts. I'm also not being a part of someone's break up. But ill be his friend. He knows all this and was very apoplectic about everything.

Time, what you said about social life, its difficult isn't it. I don't go out much in the winter, I do in the summer but have never been approached :( even an.active social.life means nothing. It is just quite difficult to meet people nowadays.

meh. we've had that conversation before - it worked for a while, we've slipped back into old ways. it can be subliminally addressed by getting a strop on for a while. :) Glad that you're feeling resolute watch he was an absolute bawbag to you.

talking to a guy on OKC who knows my 1st name, apparently we used to chat on GSM, so I'm chatting away to him and apparently we used to talk when I lived in Bristol. I've never lived in Bristol...

Thank you Snape and yes, I'm on your facebook so have had a peek. I agree with watch, it is a lovely pic but can't see it being half as lovely after he has cropped you out of it

Now, I don't think you should make an excuse if/when he manages to contact you, I would tell him the truth, that the relationship that you have with him doesn't work for you, that it's causing you a pain that you rather wouldn't have. Actually, if this were me I would approach him first and tell him that you can't be friends for a while and that you would like him to respect your decision and not contact you. You can be as honest and direct as you like, this is you taking control of the situation. You are not a 'convenience' Snape, not for PM, not for anyone! And you are not his ego boost either! No!

time

you're very sensible. I'm going to sit tight for a few days. I think some of this is associated with post christmas/New Year Blues/Part nicotine related and part behavioural. I shall prevaricate for a few days. At heart I know you're right, but I have ex-in-laws visiting for a few days at the end of the week and need to conserve what non nicotine/carb energy I actually have at the moment for that particular delight - so I'll go back to plan one, which is ignore for a bit. :)

Thank you for all of your advice. I do appreciate it. :) When I need to send that text I shall ask for MN clearance.

Ok. You may have a week of ignoring the situation then we will discuss you becoming assertive and taking control

I do understand you know, this is a big thing for you, it's obvious how you feel about him and the relationship you have with him would be even more wonderful if only he felt the same way. I know it's not going to be easy for you. Bloody men!

PS I'm not suggesting that you never be friends with him again, just have a break from him until clearer boundaries have been established and it's easier for you to manage.

nods I've blocked him on OKC and whilst I couldn't quite bring myself to remove him from fb, I've 'restricted' him, so he can't see posts and I'm not tempted to be all arsey-passive-agressive-nonsensical/embarrasing when drunk

:)

Well done!!!

Here, have some flowers to shred

hi, this is my first post on this topic, decided to actually get out there and meet some people that have been asking me on pof...

so i had first date of the new year yesterday, went for lunch. nice guy but no butterflies atall when i saw him.. didnt fancy him atall :(

also going on a date sat day with another guy off of pof spoken on the phone and he seems nice were meeting for a fun date sat lunch bit of bowling and pop to a pub for a drink...

but my dilemma is on the 17th dec i met a guy in a bar in town had a bit of a kiss and exchanged numbers, then with it being christmas and new year we havnt been able to meet up untill this coming sat evening... so is it bad to go on 2 dates with 2 guys on one day??? lol... this is something ive never dreamt of before and would prop chuckle if someone else told me they were thinking of doing this!!

Sorry PM is making you feel sad Snapes.

Nice one with the not smoking though. I was a really heavy smoker once and managed to give up. What I noticed most about not smoking anymore was how much mental energy had previously been taken up with the 'have I got my baccy, have I got my rizlas, have I got my lighter' internal dialogue. Suddenly loads of space in my brain seemed to be freed up to think about other stuff!

Hi benbon I think it's perfectly acceptable to go on two date's in one day, you aren't exclusive with either one of them so you aren't doing anything wrong. Look at it as a slower version of speed dating

Benbon, re dates whilst theres nothing at all wrong with dating as many as you want in one day, the only thing I would think is sometimes though not that often you do meet someone you really 'click' with and are happy to let the date go on for a few hours. So if you meet date 1, and really like him/are having a fun time, how would you feel about having to end the date by a certain time because of meeting date 2? probably depends how long you have between the two dates, and how flexible your timings are. but if you're ok with it then why not - but you have to report back and let us know how both dates went!

Snape well done! :) I confess to still stalking my heartbreaker Ex on FB it is his fault for having an open profile. It does no good I know, and I will stop (one day).

I stupidly read the £100k thread on here. Fuck it's depressing all the people who are in the same profession as me but outearning me many times over. I know money isn't everything, (and I still earn a decent salary albeit a fraction of the above amount!) but it does make life easier. Or it would if I had more!