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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Found other womans dirty knickers in DH's bag.

90 replies

Stunnned · 07/01/2006 23:36

Thats it really.

Today, needed the bag he usually uses for work. Unpacked all the stuff and odds and sods and unzipped the front zip pocket and there was a pair of black see through french knicker style knickers in there. They had definitely been worn.

They are in a size much smaller than me.

I told DH i had emptied his bag and put the contents in a carrier bag - "oh, including the womans dirty knickers". He didnt look shocked but said "what?" a womans dirty knickers??? etc etc. "Well that either means im cross dresser or im having an affair doesnt it? Well i can assure you im not either"

Did seem rather confused. Then started talking out loud to himself in the bathroom (never does this) that someone from work mustve put them in there "for a laugh".

What i am most stunned about is that im not really bothered by it. I sort of believe that its a prank. But even if it wasnt, im honestly not bothered. I do love DH alot, and have no complaints about him at all. I have had PND so its been tough for both of us.

We were getting ready for a day out and he was all set for a huge row and asked what we were going to do now. I just said "we are going out arent we?". He said he thought i might want to talk about it etc etc.

I just said i believe him and gave him a kiss. Didnt want to say i didnt care either way as it might offend him.

This isnt right is it?

OP posts:
Screwballmuppet · 07/01/2006 23:39

[shocked]

mrspink27 · 07/01/2006 23:40

erm, think it would have set alarm bells quietly ringing for me, but you sound like you handled it in a very grown up way, not like i would have done!!!

mrspink27 · 07/01/2006 23:40

and eeeeeeeeeeeuuuuuuuuuuuwwwwww! at somebody elses worn knickers!!!

Milge · 07/01/2006 23:42

How grim. Poor you. [great thread title, btw]

waterfalls · 07/01/2006 23:43

Sorry, but if it was a prank, would it have really been dirty knickers you found.

Stunnned · 07/01/2006 23:44

Yes, with you on the eeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwww aspect of it. Would have preferred clean ones.

They smelled of cigarette smoke too. I think thats why i half believe it was a prank. DH is set against smoking/smokers. Cant see him hooking up with someone that reeks of smoke.

But what do i know. He's been stressing all day about it. Its so bizarre. He didnt bother to look at the offending articles until we came home tonight. He said they look like jokey tarts boudoir sorts so must be a joke from the guys at work.

OP posts:
mrspink27 · 07/01/2006 23:45

what job does he do? not relevant really , except if he works in a very male environment i.e. forces, in uniform etc

Stunnned · 07/01/2006 23:46

They were left in quite an obvious place to be found.

And blokes humour can go quite far sometimes.

But that doesnt mean i totally believe it. I just dont care either way. I feel he loves me. And i dont blame him for going elsewhere if he did as i have been off sex totally since my LO was born.

Im not at all angry. I just dont get it. I always thought i would get angry and scream and shout.

OP posts:
Stunnned · 07/01/2006 23:47

He works in an office attached to a warehouse/manufacturing type setting. Dont want to say too much......sorry.

OP posts:
Screwballmuppet · 07/01/2006 23:48

I would be flipping.....yes can understand a joke but surely they would be clean.....dirty knickers in my dh bag I definately would be flipping in a calm way.

I think i would get in toch with his closest workmate and say 'oh that was really funny or something along those lines and see what the work mate says.
Even if i didn't know the work mates I would find out

mummygow · 07/01/2006 23:49

If you have depression that could be numbing your feelings - I remember after my dd I couldnt have cared less if my dh had left me or on the other had would not have given a damn if I had even won the lottery - the only thing that kept me going was my dd!!

QueenVictoria · 07/01/2006 23:50
Shock
lockets · 07/01/2006 23:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

QueenVictoria · 07/01/2006 23:51

im inclined to agree with lockets DH. Sorry, have no advice to give. Hope it works out for you.
x

Stunnned · 07/01/2006 23:56

Well, thats what i thought to tbh.

Because they werent hidden away, so someone wanted them to be found. If DH wanted me to find them he would have then owned up after wouldnt he? Otherwise its a pointless exercise surely? However, i NEVER ever go through DH's bag as it contains stuff im not interested in. It just happens today i needed a bag and saw his and emptied it.

OP posts:
Yummymummy24 · 07/01/2006 23:56

I would have kicked him out without even letting him explain. Then you wouldve found out if it was a joke or not!!! Maybe "she" put them there so you'd find them. If you're ok with it all i feel quite sad for you. You deserve better. I don't pity you i just feel sad. Sort it out, you can just brush it under the carpet, somewhere in your head its bothering you or you wouldnt have posted it. Think it will probly fester if you dont. Good luck, big hug. xxxxxxx

lockets · 08/01/2006 00:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

7777777 · 08/01/2006 00:07

hi stunned, bit of an appropriate name considering your thread, thats how i felt when i read it. poor you. too be honest i am a bit fiery and i would have thrown him out for the night and demanded an explanation. actually i probly wouldnt let it drop for days or even weeks. you are a very calm lady but i personally think you need to investigate it further.good luck.xxx

Stunnned · 08/01/2006 00:11

Im okay, thanks lockets. And everyone.

Thats why i am stunned about the whole thing. Im totally calm. Really not upset or angry. Yet i know i love my DH more than anything. SO i cant be totally emotionless can i?

OP posts:
Stunnned · 08/01/2006 00:14

I think i might sleep on it and see how i feel in the morning.

OP posts:
jasper · 08/01/2006 00:24

stunned this is very interesting.
I would have reacted in exactly the same way as you.
I think people are just different.

I have had arguments about this very subject with girlfriends who don't believe / can't understand my attitude (or think I don't love dh which I do).

Thank God we are all different!

suzywong · 08/01/2006 00:34

he may have bought them. Wasn't there a very nice MNer once who used to sell worn knickers with a polaroid when she was a student? Pretty harmless enough, unless he is found out.

Whatever the reason, if you aren't flipping out then go with the flow.

crazydazy · 08/01/2006 10:05

I am so amazed at some people's attitudes to this. Some people are willing to just accept what their other half tells them, am sorry but I SERIOUSLY WOULD NOT.

On entering our relationship I warned DP that if he ever slept with another woman or man for that matter whilst we were together I would lob it off with a very sharp knife and I made sure he knew I was serious!!!!

You make your own choices in life I guess but I would not be able to stay in a relationship where I was being made a fool of. Maybe when Stunned's DP offered to talk about it she was afraid of what he might tell her.

Sorry if it seems harsh Stunned but I just have no time for men like this, even if it was his mates playing a prank surely they can't dislike him or you enough to such a hurtful thing to deliberately ruin your relationship.

Stunnned · 08/01/2006 13:26

It is harsh. But it just makes me wonder why you have such little trust and forgiveness in your life.

I feel the same this morning as i did last night.

OP posts:
Blondeinlondon · 08/01/2006 13:37

Do you think your DH is trying to tell you something?

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